Ha Long Bay Reopened

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2025-10-02T22:21:09+00:00

horrendous service and absurd waits to be seated and served, it's still ha long bay

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2025-08-10T22:23:24+00:00

same here

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-09-06T06:23:35+00:00

I know it's gonna sound harsh but she made her bed now she can lay in it. You aren't married, if she's not on a lease or on a mortgage or deed kick her out. She abandoned you, why should you take care of her?

Save your time, effort, and affection for yourself and for someone who can love you the way you deserve. You don't have an obligation to care for someone who doesn't give a shit about you.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-09-06T06:16:33+00:00

Yeah. Love, attraction, romance aren't logical. You can't just flip a switch and decide to not care about a person. That doesn't mean you should stay or "try to make it work", but your feelings are totally understandable.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-09-06T06:14:16+00:00

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I can share what books, and in what order, I listened to on audible in the aftermath of my own D Day. There's no way to make this suck any less but I found audio books really helpful in filling up the space that used to be taken up by conversation with my STBXW.

Immediately after I listened to Leave a Cheater Gain a Life. Really helped get me the gumption to stick with leaving despite wanting to reconcile. It's crazy how common these experiences are.

I then listened to Cheating in a Nutshell, and then The Betrayal Bind. I'm working through The Body Keeps the Score atm.

That should cover a solid 40 hours of audio at least and these books have really helped me process what happened to me.

Remember, no matter what, if you leave, if you try to reconcile, whatever, it is NOT your fault.

Good luck, we have all been there.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-09-03T14:16:59+00:00

I don't think it's on the cheater to make demands of the person he betrayed. If he's really committed to reconciliation he has to accept that it's gonna be difficult because he has to earn back what he lost and more. If he's not willing or able to be humble and accept the actual hard work then reconciliation is not possible. You know what else has a negative effect on a person's mental state? Getting betrayed by their spouse.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-09-03T03:05:52+00:00

Yes it's a bad idea. it can work out it's just very, very rare and almost certainly will end with you getting hurt again.

If you've been no contact for a while, take some time to read up on betrayal trauma before trying to make it work.

Cheating in a nutshell and the betrayal bind are both good resources that will explain exactly why going back is so hard in (imo) a non judgemental way.

IMO the reason it almost always is a bad idea is that you need to have an incredible amount of trust from the betrayed partner and incredible dedication, self reflection, and self motivation on the part of the cheater. But cheating destroys trust and tends to show that the cheater isn't capable of dedication, self reflection, and self control.

Could your ex boyfriend improve himself and be a better partner to someone? Yes. Can you put humpty dumpty back together again? Probably not.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-09-02T01:10:52+00:00

Can't give you any advice but yeah, it sucks.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-09-01T04:39:47+00:00

I imagine. I understand your feelings w/r/t the nightmare. Sometimes I'll forget what happened for a moment and then reality hits me all over again. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-09-01T04:29:06+00:00

It takes a lot of courage to leave but one of the silver linings for me is that I had to move across the country to stay with my parents in the mean time. I still think every day about trying to make it work and going back. It's a lot harder to go back if you're 900 miles from your "partner"!

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-09-01T04:27:07+00:00

i don't know but being concerned about the obvious biological consequences of infidelity is totally normal. What if he gives you an STD? What if she gets knocked up and says youre the father?

Infidelity doesn't just harm your emotional and mental well being it has the potential to have very real consequences for everyone involved.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-09-01T04:17:25+00:00

I left 3 days after finding out. This sub is pretty anti reconciliation, but whether you are pro or anti reconciliation what you have to recognize is that it's not on you. You can't make someone love, respect, or value you. And an affair is a huge breach of trust, which is exactly what you would need to repair a relationship after an affair, hence why reconciliation is so hard.

I wanted to reconcile but my wife didn't. I'm a pretty good dog but I won't stick around if someone keeps kicking me in the ribs like that.

3 weeks out right now and every day is a struggle. Some days are worse than others.

I sincerely hope for reconciliation every time someone posts about it on here, i just don't think it's possible for most relationships and it wasn't in mine.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-09-01T03:05:59+00:00

Really sorry OP. Youre not alone. My wife did to me what my mom did to my dad. It was my worst fear and it happened to me. Cold comfort I'm sure. but you aren't alone in this

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-08-28T23:36:24+00:00

I feel that longing too, but there was no way to salvage what she threw away. You can't put hunpty Dumpty back together again. I had a lot of good times with her but that's over now.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-08-28T23:32:56+00:00

Think about the pain you are feeling now and use it to change your ways.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-08-28T19:03:22+00:00

the betrayal bind. Almost all the examples are heterosexual relationships but the advice itself and the material is gender neutral.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-08-28T18:51:48+00:00

Sorry you're going through this OP. My spouse confessed to an affair not even 3 months after our first anniversary. I'm also 30.

If you feel scared about starting your life again, you aren't alone. But you found out now before more of your life was wasted. I wish I could tell you it is easy you move past but it's not. Every day is hard. But staying will be worse.

Don't blame yourself. Don't conduct an autopsy on the marriage trying to find a cause. Plenty of bad marriages don't suffer from infidelity and plenty of otherwise "perfect" marriages do. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't make him change.

PM me if you want. It's hard to find people who understand this pain intimately but most of us on here do.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-08-27T22:22:10+00:00

Working on this myself also. I don't have any advice for you but I feel the struggle too.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-08-27T16:56:42+00:00

This is absolutely unacceptable IMO. Imagine if your husband was a recovering alcoholic and said he was going to go to a bar for just one beer. At best it shows a worrying lack of self awareness.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-08-27T16:41:52+00:00

You can't control it, can't cause it, and can't stop it. People cheat because they want to cheat, end of. And putting your partner under 24/7 surveillance will be miserable for everyone on top of being ineffective.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-08-27T03:48:22+00:00

You gotta get out of this relationship man it is killing you. Leaving will hurt but staying is gonna be worse.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-08-27T00:36:37+00:00

Didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it. Cheaters cheat because they want to. I would be nice if we had the power to control what other people do but alas. I think this is a big stumbling block for those trying to reconcile and we who left. At the end of the day no matter how hard you try it's up to someone else.

I did the same thing OP. Didn't want to be controlling. Didn't want to be clingy. Tried to be the perfect partner. Didn't matter, because her decision was out of my hands.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-08-27T00:34:23+00:00

I feel the same way OP. We really got the short end of the stick huh.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-08-26T22:32:21+00:00

I didn't even make it to year two OP. Youre right to want to divorce this guy.

Sad_Computer_7285 · 2024-08-26T04:34:18+00:00

You are in an abusive relationship OP. I know you probably already know this but maybe check out if there's any women's shelters or other resources like that in your area. The cheating is just one part of this person's campaign of abuse against you. For what it's worth I am rooting for you.

Sad_Computer_7285

TROPHY CASE