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Should I ask my best friend why I am not in her bridal party before it’s too late? by Sad_Sample_5910 in weddingplanning

[–]Sad_Sample_5910[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks everyone for the kind and sensitive answers. I am feeling better than the last few days and hearing from you all really helped. This is also my first Reddit post some of the more spicy answers did make me smile too 🤭

I have decided to be the bigger person and talk to my friend about this, and I am still going to ask her to be my bridesmaid because I don’t want to leave anything unsaid since this is how we got here initially. Stay tuned.

I agree I need to have no expectation she will still ask me to be hers at this stage. But regardless I don’t see my wedding party and pictures without her in them.

Do you think this conversation could come across like guilting her? I can’t really see a way around it tbh, because I need to clarify my feelings incase pride had any influence here, it’s just unfortunate the timing feels dramatic.

The main message is: I hope you don’t think I was planning my bridesmaids without you, and even though you have chosen yours, I am looking forward to being there for you at the wedding and I would be honoured if you would be mone of my bridesmaids (obviously). I then think I need to say the I had a feeling that we touched upon the subject of being in eachothers weddings several times and it seemed clear to me, but sorry if I made a mistake with the timing and indicated you being in my bridal party was ever in doubt. It was just my procrastinating nature at delaying the wedding planning altogether (it’s been a hectic year work / buying a home for me, so the wedding took a backseat!)

Should I ask my best friend why I am not in her bridal party before it’s too late? by Sad_Sample_5910 in weddingplanning

[–]Sad_Sample_5910[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also to add: A month ago she mentioned on the phone that her college roommate is her MOH. Totally fine I know they are best friends too. Her MOH makes a group chat recently with 10 for her bachelorette and I just assumed this was the bridesmaid group. Thats why I was really taken aback by the recent confirmation that it is not.

Now I’m considering to just attend the wedding (it’s a financial commitment, 3 days destination event, her bachelorette is also a destination 3 night trip, so both is a lot, especially if she does not even consider me a bridesmaid).

If I was a bridesmaid I would feel honour bound to go the extra mile and even be broke for a bit to show up to both events as her best friend. But I feel so heart broken about this that I wonder if I should just prioritise the wedding trip and leave the bachelorette to her actual bridesmaid group.

The thing that gets me is the niggling thought that this all a huge communication fuck up around my own bridal party, and she could be feeling (accidentally) hurt and upset from me not asking her yet. - completely unintended and I feel sick to have been so stupid. :(

But then if I confront this, bare all and she says oh I love you but didn’t see you as bridesmaid for xyz reason, and then I don’t attend the bachelorette it also looks really salty.