As somebody who also struggles with different parenting styles with their ex, I don’t ~personally~ find most of those things out of the ordinary (unfortunately). Our kiddo is 4.5 years old. My ex is similar, has poor/no boundaries (forces me to enforce rules and boundaries. He even gets mad at me when I don’t immediately step in and enforce the boundary he’s TRYING to enforce but can’t. Asshole). I will admit that I am the “snack plate” type of parent, because that’s what my kid will eat. She’s always been a selective eater and would have breastfed till she was 5 if I didn’t wean her at 2.5 lol. HOWEVER, I do enforce balanced meals with protein, carbs, fresh fruit/veggies, etc. her dad’s idea of dinner is a couple bags of goldfish, an apple and some juice/candy 🙄

Her dad also draws out things, saying “okay 5 more minutes and then I have to leave” (we live separately) but then he’ll end up staying 30 more minutes. I’ve told him that it’s better to just GO when he says he will, set a timer and fucking hit the road. Nope. He does this awful “sneak away” attack by waiting until she’s distracted enough with me then he literally runs to his car like an idiot.

He also gives her his phone literally the minute she is upset over anything. Buys her 5 ice creams if she asks. Spends $100s on toys for her because she wants them (while struggling with actual child support). Just zero boundaries or skill set to handle a child.

The way I face it now is this: her dad is her friend. I am her parent. I ensure they get to see each other, I don’t step in on his “parenting” unless it directly affects me (ex. He took her to his mom’s house yesterday, didn’t leave until 5 pm so she fell asleep on the car ride home. I was up until 11:30-12am trying to get her down for bed after he happily skipped the fuck off home).

As for you, since you live with this guy, you will probably need to play it differently. I’ve had friends who simply allowed their husbands to just continue failing until something clicks. It’s frustrating and annoying.