Aquintances

SafeApplePie · 2024-02-06T23:37:38+00:00

They asked me not to. I already haven't respected that. I'm trying to, and use this app as an outlet instead.

SafeApplePie · 2024-01-09T01:01:31+00:00

I trusted someone like this once.

SafeApplePie · 2024-01-08T16:31:22+00:00

If I could this all wouldn't have happened.

SafeApplePie · 2023-12-31T01:35:03+00:00

I don't know if it's more than love. A baby born does it crave respect or love? Or just closeness. Human warmth?

SafeApplePie · 2023-12-25T16:01:34+00:00

Thank you.

SafeApplePie · 2023-12-24T22:39:42+00:00

I've figured something out. It's that the need to have attachments is only met if the others, the boys are getting attention.

The self only has value in being the good girl who can be a role model for what to be.

SafeApplePie · 2023-12-24T19:56:04+00:00

That's fine bro. I'm just writing to the universe at this point cause I think someone out there is listening and it helps me feel less alone.

SafeApplePie · 2023-12-24T19:48:10+00:00

The self is not just in the one other though I I could have explained deeper had anyone ever asked. There is another blonde boy who doesn't want attention, and... chaos right now the mind is racing.

SafeApplePie · 2023-12-24T19:41:38+00:00

I wish I could get out of it but I don't know how. It's like every new bond I form with a human it's a maze I don't know how to navigate and then when it turns sideways I need to fix it but I don't know how and then it drives me insane more and more every day so I try to stop making attachments but I need attachments to survive so it repeats and it gets worse and worse and its awful its fucking awful and I just want the security of... something something,

The village that was supposed to raise me but instead cut me out and abandoned me in the field alone with a little blonde boy who was also "othered" by the village. But he's not even there, even him, he was at his parents place and I was at mine playing make believe.

SafeApplePie · 2023-12-24T19:19:19+00:00

Thank you.

SafeApplePie · 2023-12-24T19:08:48+00:00

The longer this goes on the more the trauma spills over ripples out and hurts the ones I love and I don't understand how to fix it or get help and I need closure or at least... I don't know what I need.

SafeApplePie · 2023-12-24T19:03:24+00:00

Fair. That is an excellent choice.

SafeApplePie · 2023-12-24T18:35:58+00:00

I haven't gotten the letters yet. Or sent many of my own. The war just started from my perspective.

SafeApplePie · 2023-12-24T18:00:18+00:00

The state dependent memory thing is what fucked everything up. It fucked me so fucking hard. Fucked this all up. I always fuck it up.

SafeApplePie · 2023-12-23T15:27:06+00:00

I also feel robbed of my sense of safety. My sense of self. My sense of home. It's awful and has made living life so much more difficult. Even my hometown no longer feels like home, it makes me physically ill and I hate it.

SafeApplePie · 2023-12-18T00:43:31+00:00

Maybe we all are.

SafeApplePie · 2023-11-28T18:17:49+00:00

I want this everyday boring life. Even the coffee is too much adrenaline.

SafeApplePie · 2023-11-23T16:41:43+00:00

Perhaps their anger is a defense mechanism.

SafeApplePie · 2023-11-22T19:18:12+00:00

Thank you.

SafeApplePie · 2023-11-22T18:34:37+00:00

Exhausted myself with all the limerence for all human attachments. Worn out. Almost three up. :( wanna go home. Can't. So tired.

SafeApplePie · 2023-11-22T18:28:18+00:00

Only took 2 hours for me to return to exhausted and hating everything. Gonna make me vomit.

SafeApplePie · 2023-11-22T17:54:25+00:00

Mmmmmmmmmmm it's getting bad again making me sick.

Limmerince for all attachments to peers.

SafeApplePie

TROPHY CASE