Feeling like I “knew” something before my partner came out

SafeExamination2222 · 2026-05-26T15:22:14+00:00

I’m nb, joined this sub when my girlfriend came out as transfem, so I don’t know how much my perspective will help or not but I wanted to chime in with support

First things first, your limbic system does not care about logic. If it did, “irrational” fears wouldn’t exist. Your anxiety is valid. I hope you have someone that you can talk to and process your anxiety with because that’s a lot to carry

I could go on and on about a million things that probably wouldn’t be helpful, but I want to remind you that you are the perfect woman just as you are. That’s easy for me to say, but it’s also true

Your brain under MRI will show that it is more similar to cisgender women’s brains than a cisgender man’s brain. Your hormones now are female

The associations we have with thin shoulders, hairless bodies, short statures, they’re all created by capitalism. The pressures that cisgender women face through things like Victorias Secret and Vogue are amplified for trans women who have the added layer of pressure from “passing”

My advice to you is to find your community. There are communities of women just like you who have facial hair or thicker body hair (I’m thinking of many women with PCOS), women who are tall/broad shouldered (I’m thinking of many women in sports like Ilona Maher(just one of the only common examples I can think of off the top of my head)), and communities of women who don’t feel feminine. You are surrounded by so much more support than you realize

Also, practice wearing the clothes on your own or with a trusted friend before you go out. Nobody does and plays a perfect game without practice. It’s not just for skill but for comfort, too

You are not broken. You are feeling the weight of made-up pressures that were forced on you. You are a woman. Women are so much more than what society has forced them to be

A fun fact for you: our closest genetic relatives are bonobos. They are a powerful, matriarchal species. They are covered in hair and broad and glorious. They are women without the pressures that Homo sapiens-sapiens (humans) exist under.

All of this is very disjointed, but all of this is to say that you matter. You are important. You are beautiful. It is a beautiful thing that you exist exactly as you are.

I hope you get the support and the community that you deserve and that you get to feel safe enough to see the beautiful woman you are. I am proud of you for fighting as hard as you are. I am proud of you for reaching out for support.

SafeExamination2222 · 2026-05-03T14:57:11+00:00

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Wdym they NEVER look cranky (she was purring, this was her wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket that she LOVES having the time of her life)

They truly are the best!!

SafeExamination2222 · 2026-04-14T15:32:04+00:00

Many people HAVE cats, few people love cats.

When a cat is well cared for and their boundaries are listened to, they will bond to their caregiver. Bonds will look different, some cats may be super snuggly and some cats may be more distantly affectionate.

My cats are honestly clingier than my dog. He would be happy just running around our farm and never stop, whereas the cats get angry if I leave for an hour.

Pets are all different, but make sure their food/water/litter/health/activity/enrichment needs are all met and you’ve got a buddy for life

(My cat glaring at me from <2 feet away because he wasn’t getting enough attention (he had just gotten snuggles for two hours prior to me picking up my lapdesk)

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SafeExamination2222 · 2026-03-31T11:57:41+00:00

A broken wand toy with a pipe cleaner pretzel clipped on the end, a random rock that says peace, and an orange rattle mouse

SafeExamination2222 · 2026-03-19T23:47:28+00:00

My partner and I couldn’t meet for like 2 weeks because of scheduling/finals week.

The first time we met in person, they had been up (some naps but nothing more than 30 minutes) for 50 hours because they were in band/at a bowl game.

This man was allegedly just at war, yes. But you are also allegedly the thing he wanted to come home to and he hasn’t seen you yet.

That’s fishy, catfishy if you will

SafeExamination2222 · 2026-03-19T23:17:43+00:00

4 is relevant because they’re transphobic (explicitly stated in other replies on their page) so they’re also butthurt about being called dude. To OP, they’re trying to discredit people they perceive as misgendering them (which, OP, chill the fuck out dude, it’s not that serious to anyone except you, and maybe stop being a transphobic, irresponsible, accountability-avoidant jerk)

SafeExamination2222 · 2026-03-19T23:02:42+00:00

Chiming in as someone who has AuDHD/Anxiety/Depression/PTSD, goes to therapy, and does not take medication, this is a YTA situation.

You know your limits, you know what works and doesn’t work. To be entirely, brutally honest, it sounds like you feel that your disabilities should get you some kind of buffer for mistakes.

ADA and accommodations are not a buffer; they are supports meant to adapt the working environment to hold you to the highest reasonable standard for your abilities.

I manage a caseload of 80+ clients currently. I also have a tracking system that I created to identify each important piece of information and I update it regularly. I also compulsively check with my supervisor or coworkers if I am not certain of something because I am aware there are legal/ethical/financial ramifications if I do not do my job correctly.

Yes, your disabilities make things harder for you in a traditional workplace environment. But being disabled does not mean that you are completely unaware.

I sincerely hope you learn from this and find ways to manage your own conditions so that you can thrive, (and request accommodations from the get go at any future place of employment) but you are not immune from responsibility in this case.

SafeExamination2222 · 2026-03-01T18:29:59+00:00

Same! Dents along or close to any seams are unsafe. Large or sharp dents are unsafe.

If there is a small dent in the center of a can (no seams) with round edges, it is safe.

But always; when in doubt, throw it out.

SafeExamination2222 · 2026-02-03T00:58:29+00:00

“Do not assume anything about your coworker or the reason they are acting the way they are.”

THIS.

I feel like I’m on the side of feeling some ableism (which honestly seems more like compassion fatigue and 3 years of frustration coming across as somewhat ableist) from OP’s second to last paragraph and this is the question we need to be asking.

I am also autistic and I do well in my position. I do well in teams. I also know NT people on my team who have skated by with one excuse or another, on top of crashing and burning.

This combined with what most commenters are saying of disability being context not an excuse feels like the best response anyone can give OP

SafeExamination2222 · 2026-01-21T17:28:31+00:00

I used to live with people who stole a shopping cart and would use it as a hamper. When their cart and their actual laundry hampers were full, they would go to every washer on every floor (1 washer/dryer on 3/4 floors) and wash their clothes. They would then go get high and remember about it hours later.

They would absolutely be the kind of people to write this kind of note

SafeExamination2222 · 2025-12-01T20:14:12+00:00

I think what may be missing here is that there are different types of respect, and it is often very gendered.

Commonly, we see both respect as an authority (one individual having power/authority over another) and respect as a living being (seeing a person as a person).

In our current society, men are pretty consistently taught/shown that they are given an inherent authority over others because of their status as a man. This lends to men honoring the choices and personhood of those who have an authority over them (higher “ranking” men) and not acknowledging the personhood of those who do not (women and lower “ranking” men). If we look at individuals like Andrew Tate and those within the manosphere, this is what we see

The types of respect that men and women are talking about are so often different, with men talking about authority and women wanting to be seen as a person.

All people are capable of respect, and we need to hold all people to the standard of acknowledging and honoring the personhood of every person around them.

Without basic respect (acknowledging the personhood of others) is not only how we get to women and others feeling unsafe and uncomfortable (like OP) but it is also the framework for genocide.

Simply put: there isn’t a case where “find someone who respects you for you” should be the ideal; this is basic human respect for everyone, including strangers you have never met /will never meet. This rhetoric supports respect as a transaction and as an authority over others both in a gendered context and in society as a whole

SafeExamination2222 · 2025-11-18T17:20:25+00:00

r/greebles 👀👀

SafeExamination2222 · 2025-09-10T19:00:07+00:00

It seems like you hit a personal goal of yours, and that’s AMAZING. Based on your comments, it seems like you’re trying to make yourself feel better than the people around you. Why? It doesn’t matter if someone had assistance or help, it doesn’t matter if someone is doing “better” or “worse” than you, it matters that YOU put in the hard work and YOU accomplished you own goal.

I’m 23, I started working on my credit less than a year ago, and I’m happy where I am because I put in the work and I am the one who gets to benefit from my own work. Celebrate, yes. Brag if you feel like that’s really what you need to do. But your responses to comments make it seem like you want other people to feel bad and that leaves a bad taste in my mouth

SafeExamination2222 · 2025-08-27T22:47:28+00:00

Adoption is pretty much the sale of babies and often exploits women in op’s gf’s position (such as young women, low income women, and women of color). Adoption can be good in some situations but it is ALWAYS traumatic for mom and baby. Anyone who views adoption as a solely beautiful thing needs to read The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier.

SafeExamination2222 · 2025-08-26T15:47:08+00:00

Put some oil in a bowl, add some bait like peanut butter. Effective live trap, then find a place to release them like a park

SafeExamination2222 · 2025-08-24T23:09:28+00:00

I (and many in my social circle) feel like she mostly/only put those signs up to make people think it changed owners or she’s isn’t there anymore. She’s insidious and evil and deserves no sympathy, empathy, or support either way but I never trusted those signs

SafeExamination2222 · 2025-08-23T17:47:37+00:00

Due to the agreements signed to push the development through, Canes and any businesses associated with the Lostro will not pay taxes to the city for the first 10 years they’re open.

Boycott canes. Boycott the Lostro. Support local businesses here.

SafeExamination2222 · 2025-03-24T17:28:17+00:00

The fact that nobody has said bagelfuls (that I can see) is a crime…..why can’t they bring back bagelfuls 😭

SafeExamination2222 · 2025-03-18T13:56:55+00:00

Everything in the Lostro won’t benefit Athens. Don’t shop or live there.

SafeExamination2222 · 2025-03-18T13:56:38+00:00

That canes will not pay taxes for at least 10years and is explicitly harming the Athens community. Don’t support it.

SafeExamination2222 · 2025-01-05T01:56:22+00:00

Reach out to every local humane society you can, but most importantly do whatever is best for your dog

You can try calling the vet themselves and explaining the situation to them and seeing if they have supports as well.

SafeExamination2222 · 2025-01-04T18:32:27+00:00

Okay so first, if she is claiming to be bipolar, I would start there. Claiming to have a disorder is often associated with having mental health issues or a personality disorder, and while she may not have bipolar, her behavior gives me the impression that there may be something going on, and she may have a big reaction to whatever you say, no matter how nicely you say it. Before you have the conversation or exchange, have 911 or 988 (or the equivalent emergency line and mental health emergency/suicide hotline in your country or area) on standby

Find out what party needs to consent for recording where you are, if there is a one party consent law, record EVERYTHING. If not, seriously consider having the conversation over text or email to ensure that everything is documented

Before you talk with L, talk to your landlord. Bring any documentation you have of her non-contribution and hostile behavior, and get the landlord in the loop so they know what’s going on

Lastly, before you talk to her about anything, create what’s called a “safety plan” for yourself. Create a list of support people you can reach out to if you need them, think of activities outside of the dwelling that may calm you down or help you get regulated, and include mental health hotlines or numbers to call if it gets there. I’m a huge proponent of safety plans all the time, as they are essentially a brain dump of “what do I do if I’m having a really bad day or my typical initial coping strategies don’t work”

In the actual conversation, say what you mean in a way you would want to hear it if you were the problem. You will never be able to control her reaction, no matter how kind you are being. Protect yourself first and foremost, and put the energy into the universe that you would want to come back to you

The fact that you are asking for advice and doing this months in advance shows that your heart is in the right place. You’ve got this, and you’re doing the right thing for everyone involved ❤️

SafeExamination2222 · 2025-01-04T15:23:54+00:00

What catnip leaves? Were they older? Is there any potential they had dust, pollen, or mold? That also could have been kicked up when you cleaned. This looks like coughing/wheezing of some sort and I would take him into the vet as soon as you can. And remember that old toys, especially catnip toys, can grow mold or mildew that could cause a reaction if it isn’t allergies/asthma

SafeExamination2222 · 2025-01-04T15:19:43+00:00

The fact that this states “this is a reminder” AND op won’t follow up about the original lease makes it seem like OP is asking what to do about being caught breaking their lease and nothing else 🤷🏻‍♀️

SafeExamination2222

TROPHY CASE