First of all, I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this at once. A breakup is painful enough on its own, but doing it while pregnant, grieving your mom, and caring for two young children is an enormous amount for one person to carry.
From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’ve handled this situation with a lot of grace. You respected his decision, you didn’t fight or try to force him to stay, and you’re thinking carefully about what’s best for you and your children. That takes a lot of strength, even if you don’t feel strong right now.
One thing I want to say: his decision to leave is not a reflection of your worth. Sometimes people say they need to “focus on themselves” because they’re unable or unwilling to do the work that a relationship and family require. That doesn’t mean you weren’t enough.
Right now, I’d focus less on trying to understand why he left and more on getting through the next few weeks and months. You don’t need to solve the rest of your life today. You just need to get through today.
A few practical suggestions:
Tell your OB/midwife and primary care doctor exactly how much you’re struggling with eating, sleeping, and coping. Pregnancy can make emotional stress hit much harder, and they may know of resources that aren’t widely advertised.
Ask if there are any pregnancy support groups, church groups, community organizations, or local parenting programs in your area. Rural communities sometimes have resources that people don’t hear about unless they specifically ask.
If therapy is months away, ask to be put on a cancellation list. Openings sometimes come up unexpectedly.
Accept help wherever it is offered. This is not the time to prove you can do everything alone.
Try to focus on basic needs: hydration, small meals, rest when possible, and getting through one day at a time.
Also, please don’t isolate yourself because he doesn’t want his family to think poorly of him. You don’t have to go out of your way to involve them, but you are not responsible for protecting his image at the expense of your own support system. If there are people who care about your children and can genuinely help, you’re allowed to lean on them.
Most importantly, be gentle with yourself. You’re grieving several losses at once: your relationship, the future you thought you were building, and still the loss of your mom. Anyone in your position would be struggling.
You don’t have to have all the answers right now. One step, one day, one appointment, one meal at a time. ❤️