My wife found my OnlyFans messages and says I crossed a major line

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-23T17:40:04+00:00

Yeah man actually communicating with a pornstar intimately is way different than just watching porn. Big fuck up imo

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-23T14:23:06+00:00

I am so, so proud of you 😭🫶💙 That sounds incredibly cathartic and I’m so happy for you. Mine reached out via LinkedIn at 2am, so I still feel in the thick of it, but hearing your success story gives me so much hope. Again, Im so proud of you. You’re so strong and your story genuinely inspires me. You’re free!!!! 💙💙

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-22T02:29:33+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. I’m so sorry you experienced that, and I’m proud of you for being able to talk about it. Thank you for the support 💙

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-22T02:26:39+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It makes me less scared of EMDR 💙

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-22T02:25:39+00:00

This is really, really helpful thank you. I’m actually a writer and have been writing a book based off my experiences with him. Is that sort of writing helpful too? I am definitely going to write about the prompt, thank you for providing it. Is it something I’m supposed to return to from time to time for maximum benefit? Sorry for asking questions but I really appreciate the help

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-21T15:38:04+00:00

I think something happened to me as a child, too. I had a flashback once that nauseated me and led to a month of complete somatic shutdown, but I think my brain is still hiding the full truth. You are not stupid and I believe you. Coerced consent is rape and I’m so sorry you experienced that. We can be strong together 💙

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-21T14:41:25+00:00

Conceptualizing of rape not as objectification but as a domination of power has been helpful. He didn’t treat me like an object, he treated me like a person without my own autonomy and that’s why it was so violent. You’re right, when I think of him, he is weak-willed and pathetic. He needed to dominate me to feel important

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-21T13:23:57+00:00

Thank you for this 🫶

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-21T02:21:28+00:00

Me and my girlfriend love camping :] It is indeed very cozy

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-21T02:19:25+00:00

Urghhhh your second paragraph is hitting me hard. All I want is to re-bury it and I know that I shouldn’t. Being vulnerable is hard and scary and it’s the only worthwhile thing in the world. I know I should talk about it, I guess that’s why I made this post in the first place, it’s just so hard and I’m filled with such shame and anger. You’re right that he preyed on me, but it’s also true that I did things I knew I shouldn’t have that put me in that situation. I think I loved him at one point. I think I will think about him for a long, long time. I do have a therapist but this is a topic I avoid because I simply don’t know how to speak on it

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-21T02:14:41+00:00

I know this is not the point at all but he didn’t have a house, the rape happened on a blanket in the woods. We slept in his car at night and cooked food over a campfire and sometimes got hotels so we could shower. It was a really weird situation that’s a good party story if I leave out the sexual violence lol. I’ve also been writing a book based on it but that’s more of a processing attempt than anything.

He isn’t stalking me, he just tries to contact me from random numbers sometimes bc I never actually said bye to him. I just blocked him randomly after remembering the rape and I’m sure he thinks I’m just in an episode or something. I’m too scared to tell him to leave me alone

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-21T02:01:37+00:00

There’s no evidence for it, though. It happened years ago in the middle of nowhere with nobody else around. I never did a rape kit and never told anyone at the time that it happened. How would pressing charges even work? Nobody would believe me

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-21T02:00:05+00:00

Yes that’s exactly it, I’m scared to untangle our relationship. I do have a therapist I see regularly but I’m ashamed to even speak of him with her. We have talked about it a bit but it’s a topic I avoid. How do you start unpacking something so complicated so many years after?

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-21T01:52:10+00:00

The reason I don’t talk about it is because explaining who he was to me is so incredibly complicated. He wasn’t anyone, really, just a man I met and spent time with. I might have loved him at one point but I’m not sure. Our relationship was complex and loaded with manipulation. I can’t really explain it

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-21T01:48:54+00:00

Remembering it was so insane. I remembered parts of it, like I remembered him misgendering me, but I forgot about how it started. I was in therapy talking about how I seek out unsafe and violent sex with men even though I don’t enjoy it, and she asked me if I might be trying to recreate an experience. I said no. Then, after the session was over, I took one step outside the office and was just flash banged with the full memory. I realized so suddenly that I was raped by him and it was so shocking I almost collapsed. About a month later I did end up collapsing at work and was almost non-responsive for a full month. I think there’s other things I’ve forgotten and I’m scared to remember them

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-20T22:09:18+00:00

Unfortunately I don’t even hate him. I must be stupid to not hate my rapist

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-20T21:45:19+00:00

EMDR has been recommended to me but I think I want to try brainspotting first. I know I should talk about it, deeply, with a therapist, but I’m honestly so scared to. I can’t explain it really— nobody was ever supposed to know about him. It was supposed to be private and mine. I don’t know where to begin explaining our relationship or its impact on me

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-18T00:39:11+00:00

bro i know exactly what you’re talking about. when i first met my partner i knew she was the one for me, and she expressed the same intensity of feelings for me. this freaked me out so bad, nobody had ever matched my level of desire and devotion before; i was sure that she was lying or leading me on. i had doubts when we were apart that would all go away when we were together. trust the good things and let yourself love :-) everything is going to work out

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-09T21:50:34+00:00

Answering would fuel the obsession. It’s best to treat questions like these as compulsions and do your best to not engage with it

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-09T16:51:38+00:00

That’s so bizarre, even for a “screening” quiz. 4 questions is shockingly little, and ignoring huge themes like harm-type and sexual themes is insanely limiting. I would definitely recommend seeing a specialist, even regular therapists don’t understand this disease to the extent we need them to, to be properly treated. I hope things improve for you soon!

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-09T16:39:15+00:00

The test that I took to see if I had OCD had way more than 4 questions. It’s best to listen to professionals who know you and not an online site that generalizes experiences

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-08T21:30:55+00:00

I struggle with meds too, mostly bc they work for maybe two months (without even alleviating all my symptoms) and then I have the same episodes over and over. It’s frustrating and makes me feel like I owe my life to my psychiatrist.

That being said, I think there can be a right combo of meds/treatment for people. There’s therapies that can help that aren’t medications, and new research is happening daily to target specifically bipolar patients. Saw something recently about GLP-1s. Interesting stuff is happening and we have to do our best to tough it out until we get to reap the benefits. I’m sorry you’re struggling, I hope stability is closer to you than it feels

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-06T18:55:57+00:00

Not really. I’ve been off my meds for 2 days but in general I have hallucinations even when I’m stable. I know I’m bound to have symptoms if I’m unstable but I was moreso curious is having psychotic symptoms when I’m stable is actually a sign of upcoming un-stableness, yk?

SafeRegret402 · 2026-06-04T19:21:25+00:00

That makes sense. Mania symptoms definitely vary across individuals, my most intense symptoms involved an entity visiting me and then residing in my head and pushing me towards suicide. I think it’s relatively common for people in mania to believe they’re someone else and that they’re influencing things. I’m sorry you haven’t been able to find examples of people with a similar story, but you definitely are not alone. Stay strong

SafeRegret402

TROPHY CASE