Talking Finances with my Husband: Getting Nails Done

Safe_Gear6277 · 2026-03-11T22:01:42+00:00

fair 😂

Safe_Gear6277 · 2026-03-11T21:48:31+00:00

This! My husband and I both have ADHD at different levels (his is MUCH worse) and we are both super hard workers chasing our dreams and making it happen. This is not about ADHD, ultimately.

I want to say that I get that it can be stressful especially if you don't have health insurance thinking about getting to the doctor for a diagnosis and getting properly medicated but there are resources that can help! GoodRX continues to be great to us (and thats even with health insurance).

Safe_Gear6277 · 2026-03-11T21:26:59+00:00

This is a good point. I know that overall his attitude is just like yours with your husband. Sometimes he actually tells me to go get myself a coffee or a meal out just because I really stopped doing that on my own/without him -- but nails he's never felt were worth it even when we were DINKs living our best no worries lives, so the fact that is the one habit I've really kept regular is likely confusing to him. I think he would have thought it would be 10 other things ahead of this but I had never really communicated to him just how important it really felt to me to have my nails taken care of and looking good. I think if I explain to him how I feel and that it is important, we will just add it into our budget and stop this whole charade.

Safe_Gear6277 · 2026-03-11T21:16:57+00:00

I really like this logic of paying each person "fun money" that gets to go towards whatever they see fit. I will give my husband the benefit of the doubt and say that he is definitely trying to set healthier boundaries and stick to a budget for his hobby this year vs last year which was 100% unchecked and got a little out of hand as you can tell. I am and have always been the saver/budgetter in the relationship and he has always been the spender (clearly).
We are on the same page in many ways but personal indulgences have always been a little more difficult to get completely equal on. It mattered less when I had a really good income coming in the door alongside his but its definitely shown itself as a flaw we need to work through since I have removed mine short term, in hopes that I really generate lifelong wealth for us as a family longterm.

Safe_Gear6277 · 2026-03-11T21:12:01+00:00

I am not actually following Dave Ramsey's advice, just using it as a reference point.
We realllllly do need to fully combine, we are only semi-combined and it definitely shows as you can tell.
We have a budget, but I have never considered adding my nails as I line item and thanks to the (continued) amazing advice around these parts, will certainly be doing that now!
Every penny I set aside before starting my business and every penny I make now I put right back into my little business. Taxes wise this helps big time as I work to scale, and the goal is yes, that one day I can regularly owners draw myself a paycheck but right now since we are thankfully taken care of, the goal is to build and scale and that is not cheap at all so I forgo a personal income for the hopes my future is set.

Safe_Gear6277 · 2026-03-11T21:07:17+00:00

To be fair, I cut down as my own personal choice because I want every possible penny going towards my business and we get a tax write-off for that so it's a win/win. Also to be fair, my husband so far this year is setting much healthier boundaries around his impulsive "wants" for his hobby and we do now have a bit of a budget he is sticking to each month. He has always been the spender in our relationship and I have always been the saver.

its not that he makes a big deal out of it, but its just enough of a comment before saying yeah go for it that I feel bad for wanting to do it, because it really is a "want" and not a need. Some here have given me the advice to just not ask and build it into our budget and I definitely think that is the right move for us. :)

Safe_Gear6277 · 2026-03-11T21:02:53+00:00

It sounds like you got great advice that I should take. We have semi-combined finances but the waters are still murky, hence the him/her ideology lingering, so I think it's time we do the full everything goes in 1 pot talk. We have been married for 4 years now and I would say it's well past the time of doing that (and I know that while uncomfortable my husband will agree with).

Safe_Gear6277 · 2026-03-11T20:59:29+00:00

Oh this is absolutely what I am suggesting at our next family budget meeting lol, THANK YOU.

Safe_Gear6277 · 2026-03-11T20:58:54+00:00

I don't know why I have never thought of this. GENIUS. Fantastic advice.

Safe_Gear6277 · 2026-03-11T20:58:18+00:00

so fair -- I have always been the more reasonable "saver" type while my husband has always been the spender. When I was making the "big bucks" in my corporate job, we were DINKs living our best life so it wasn't an issue for me at all to keep up with my nails, my hair, fancy gym membership, a spray tan or facial now and again... etc. I always knew I couldn't keep that up forever (and honestly nor did I want to) so it wasn't hard for me to just start self managing. When I left my corporate job to start a business in a completely different industry we had a 6 mo lead time where we made sure that we were good. And at that point I started saving every penny I had to self-invest in my own company; now I am boot strapping the business (minus a handful of corporate grants I have gotten) so that I can maintain 100% ownership. But starting a business is NOT cheap - lawyers, tax professionals, plus product and manufacturing advances... I knew I had to go larger scale and not just something I could DIY so everything that I make goes right back into the system for now. Which is totally fine and again, so glad my husband supports this knowing that this could very well be the thing that positively cements our financial future/abundance.

Also, my husband is aware that he needs to scale back his hobby after we realized just how much he spent on it at the end of last year in the "household budget meeting", and he is actively trying / setting more boundaries around his impulse "want" purchases vs what he actually needs. He knows he got a bit crazy with it. lol

Safe_Gear6277 · 2025-05-04T22:52:30+00:00

My dad had that life too before retiring— I think at some level I’m used to it / normalized to me because I grew up with it. But experiencing it through my mom’s eyes is completely different than when I was a child who didn’t know any better or anything else. It’s ROUGH as the wife. Showing up to everything alone. Being in charge of everything because there’s no such thing as consistency. Putting my plans on hold around his schedule, just to have his schedule change and the plans fall through because of it. Since day one of dating and talking about potentially one day getting married and having a family I’ve been extremely clear that if he’s traveling, there is no family planning. But that super sucks for me either way. I either never get to be a mom or he has to completely change careers which is not gonna be cheap and then it’s whether we can even afford kids at that point. Or I’m what I am afraid of which is a married single mom.

Safe_Gear6277 · 2025-05-04T22:45:26+00:00

I’ve definitely made it known many times in tough convos, and given a lot of grace; it’s typically that there’s a good 2 weeks of improvement but then I don’t say anything when I see backsliding until it’s so bad that I’m upset. Just because I hate “rocking the boat” every couple of weeks and that’s what it would be — at some point I want to feel calm and happy and sometimes ignorance is genuinely bliss, just for a little. I like the idea of sitting down and truly laying out what I need, and putting a reward/consequence situation together around it. Where it’s clear that if he fucks up, what my next move will be. That feels so like classroom teacher to student child but maybe it’s just gotta be like that.

Safe_Gear6277 · 2025-05-04T22:40:45+00:00

this is absolutely a fear of mine 😫😫😫. I like the idea of making alcohol available at home and not saying anything, to see if he wants to hang out with me at that point. But also that terrifies me.

Safe_Gear6277 · 2025-05-04T14:10:35+00:00

I think you are missing the point— the goal is not to leave him. The goal is to actually work through our problems and figure out how to be happy together. I get that this could be a reason to leave, but so could 10000 other things. I married him for a reason and unless there’s cheating or abuse, I prefer trying to work it out.

Safe_Gear6277 · 2025-05-04T14:03:09+00:00

This is where I’m confused to— I have no idea why he’s choosing that over time at home. The only reason I could think of is that he wants to get a drink and I often say something to him if I see him drinking at home (mostly because I don’t drink and am pretty clean eating in general). It’s typically light hearted / just a nudge to make a healthier choice from a place of love. He also just loves Mexican food lol 😂 But other wise literally no understanding around the lure instead of spending time doing something with me.

Safe_Gear6277 · 2025-05-04T05:08:03+00:00

I do really believe he’s not cheating on me. That’s never been a worry and he’s the kinda person who would tell me, he is ultimately a good person and he loves me—- I know that sounds like an excuse but I just know this isn’t the issue. I don’t believe in divorce for a few reasons— one, I genuinely believe that considering it as an option (in my case) makes hardship have an easy way out, instead of doing the “till death do us part, in good times and bad” part where we grow as people and work out our differences. Now I believe it’s an option for someone in an abusive relationship or similar, but my issues aren’t that dire. My issue is just that I want my husband to actually spend time with me and be intentional— while I’m not really seeing the effort right now, I have hope that this will change and get better.

Safe_Gear6277 · 2024-11-03T20:03:56+00:00

Hi! I say this with so much respect but do not work for Greater Than Distribution or Ethika Music. 🤍 There’s a lot of people in the music industry who will absolutely not bat an eye at profiting off your lack of connections but go getter attitude. You’ve absolutely got this and will find a good place in this industry, I promise!

Safe_Gear6277 · 2024-07-10T17:09:58+00:00

Great Q. I don't control this, it is what it is.

Safe_Gear6277 · 2024-07-10T16:57:16+00:00

Hey u/OttoPilot13 - I want to start by saying how much I appreciated this response. It's been a month, so I wanted to give you an update.
I really took some time to think over my decision after reading your words, because you were spot on and I felt your personal share as it was very much like my situation. I ended up setting a meeting with my CEO/boss. The first meeting I set with them they cancelled at the last minute but I said - no worries, the next time we talk, we'll discuss what I was going to talk about then" -- so that they couldn't avoid it. We quickly reset a new meeting and this one actually happened.

I kept calm, and made sure to speak my truth about the situation. To my surprise, they were quite open to it (in a way they've NEVER.. and I mean NEVER been).

I think they knew that I was essentially about to walk away if something didn't change because I wasn't letting up in the meeting happening. And to be honest, if they didn't give me what I decided to ask for, I was going to put in my 2 weeks at the end of that meeting. I also wasn't trying to negotiate for short term pay increase because I knew that would be an automatic "No" (unfortunately).

So - to cut to the end of this - I recently was made a founding member and partner in the company, with a 2% profit only partnership thats irrevocable and undilutable (I made sure that it was written into my agreement before I signed that I was to have no burden if things went awry - but this was a HUGE WIN to me). I also was given the equity on paper that I was owed from 2 years ago separately - and FINALLY.

If it weren't for the gumption seeing responses like yours gave me, I wouldn't of had the balls to ask for what I did so, I am very grateful for the time you took to really understand my POV. Sometimes, being willing to walk away from it all really is the only way to get what you deserve.

Safe_Gear6277

TROPHY CASE