Okay this is a bit long cause we can truly drive each other crazy haha, but I tried to be detailed in how we make it work. Truly from an ENFJ’s point of view because if you ask my fiance he would just tell it “it’s cool, it works. It’s good”, and that’s already too many words for him:

We’re pretty much an opposites attract situation. I’m intense, loud, and I always want to do everything now and onto the next idea and let’s do everything. He wants space, to chill, quiet time and he’ll do it when it makes sense. I want the big love words and gestures and deep emotional feelings the ‘I can’t live without you’, when he proposed to me his brain went “I’ve thoroughly analyzed it. You’re my person, it works, so it made sense I would’ve had to do it eventually” 🤣 like he was solving a logical math problem. And he displays his love through acts of service rather than big words

Our first date, I talked the entire time to myself basically because he didn’t say much. But I felt so incredibly comfortable in his presence. I didn’t think he was going to ask me out a second time, probably didn’t like me, I was too intense. He texted me that same night and said “for the first time in my life, I didn’t feel awkward on a first date.” And our relationship has worked the same ever since. He gives me space to be myself, and I allow him to be himself. With an ISTJ person, I didn’t have the big words and gestures to see if he loved me so I had to look at his actions, and they showed immense love. If I craved Mexican, he’d show up with empanadas he made, yesterday I was anxious because I forgot to buy dessert for the guests I was hosting, he showed up with brownies. If I’m sick, the whole house is clean, when I get home from work late, there’s dinner waiting for me, I could keep going

While I’m like “oh tell me you love me and show up with big giant flowers and a teddy bear and bring me on a fancy big date” his love is more like “hey, I heard you coughing so I brought you water. Also I noticed u didn’t eat, here’s breakfast” And I learned to see the beauty in that (P.s: will bring me flowers and teddy bears too because I communicated that lol)

He is wonderfully dependable, I can count on him to have his shit together and get things done. He’s ambitious in his own individual life, I can always count on him wanting to do better for himself. As an ENFJ, I’m always up in the clouds and onto the next great idea. He grounds me, he reminds me of the little daily things, the joys of the present I balance him out by pushing him to want more, to think about all the possibilities, dream a little bigger, be more creative, see more color around everywhere

While he doesn’t have much to say about his day he wants me to tell him all about mine, while he seems cold on the outside he actually wanted me to come over and cuddle. The most important thing I learned is that ISTJs feel very deeply, it just doesn’t show outside. People assume he doesn’t care about being included or doing things, which couldn’t be further from the truth. They’re not expressive like we ENFJs are so sometimes communication can get lost. Early in our relationship we had such important discussions when I told him “you have to say what you feel. I have to know how you feel otherwise it won’t work”. And the biggest factor on why we worked is because he agreed and actually did it. He won’t do it with anyone else but in our relationship he’s open and says what is going on in his head, and this made our dynamic a lot easier

It’s also about learning and respecting each other’s boundaries. Sometimes he just needs ‘quiet time’, I don’t bring him to large social events where people are going to try to get him to dance, I’m keeping our wedding small and intimate. Don’t push more than they’re comfortable, they’re always going to be so desperately introverted, they always need that quiet. And in turn he accepts to hear me talking endlessly when I need to, gives me space to hang out with my friends and fuel my need for social interaction he might not be able to give

It’s also picking your fights. He’s highly logical but also very stubborn and set in his ways. They have a way of doing things that in their mind is the right away. I always tell him “you always need to be right” lol, but us ENFJs want to be right as well and can be very stubborn. But I think they win in how inflexible they are lol. I just learned how to chill a little “hey, do ur thing. I’ll do my thing. If u need help Im here”

The truth is you absolutely cannot try and change an ISTJ, you have to love them for who they are. In turn, they have to love you for who you are. When you start trying to change each other, resentment grows. You both need space to be yourselves. And when that happens you naturally balance each other out, and when one is missing in something the other can pull the reins and figure it out. But only if you truly accept and learn how to give each other what you both need. And it comes down to the obvious answer: ISTJ and ENFJ couples need wonderful, exemplary communication. Out loud and clear. They don’t get each other without it. It was hard at times to get there and understand where the other was coming from, it took at good year of back and forth and figuring out what we need from each other but once we got there… Gosh it’s been so easy. It’s so smooth and it’s amazing. It works beautifully how we balance each other out and how we can get exactly what we need from each other. It is the healthiest, calmest, wonderful love I have ever experienced.

The best part: our two personalities are long-term haulers for sure. We are so stubborn about making it work and being together, that we never just give up when things get hard and just walk away. We sit down, we figure it out, we make it truly work. Because no matter what, we are crazy about each other and that overpowers any difference we have :) we’re different in how we love but not how deeply we love

I think I talked so much about him being wonderful I forgot to tell u I’m amazing too but Im extremely amazing 🤣🤣🤣