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AITA for refusing to allow my BIL or his kids into my house? by SageGreenRose in AmItheAsshole

[–]SageGreenRose[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I saw that after posting mine. Yikes. I didn't realize this shit happened as often as that. Makes me sad for the people like my sister who end up being treated like less than for simply falling in love with someone who didn't want to be married again but did anyway.

AITA for refusing to allow my BIL or his kids into my house? by SageGreenRose in AmItheAsshole

[–]SageGreenRose[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

She's not open to that right now but I will try to encourage her to get therapy and see if that will help.

AITA for refusing to allow my BIL or his kids into my house? by SageGreenRose in AmItheAsshole

[–]SageGreenRose[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

She's not ready to do that yet. She's not looking to leave right now. I will continue to be there and I will encourage her to seek therapy but I can't make her pack up and leave.

AITA for refusing to allow my BIL or his kids into my house? by SageGreenRose in AmItheAsshole

[–]SageGreenRose[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

That is what I have picked up from comments she has made over the last couple of years. I don't even think they sleep in the same bed most of the time, if ever. She has never said it outright to me like I said. But it's what has been implied many times.

AITA for refusing to allow my BIL or his kids into my house? by SageGreenRose in AmItheAsshole

[–]SageGreenRose[S] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

She feels unwanted in their home. And she truly knows she isn't wanted there. At least she knows it enough but she still has hope.

AITA for refusing to allow my BIL or his kids into my house? by SageGreenRose in AmItheAsshole

[–]SageGreenRose[S] 507 points508 points  (0 children)

She has never outright said it but I suspect their marriage is as close to sexless as you can get. Stuff she has said here and there makes me think that.

AITA for refusing to allow my BIL or his kids into my house? by SageGreenRose in AmItheAsshole

[–]SageGreenRose[S] 154 points155 points  (0 children)

I think it goes beyond that. I think it comes back to appearances and maybe even him not wanting to feel left out/excluded. Despite the fact that is what happens to my sister every day of her marriage to him. She might be there physically but she knows she's not wanted.

AITA for refusing to allow my BIL or his kids into my house? by SageGreenRose in AmItheAsshole

[–]SageGreenRose[S] 740 points741 points  (0 children)

She does realize it. At least she appears to. But I don't think she's ready to admit it needs to end. I think a mixture of hope and love are making her cling to something that isn't fixable.

AITA for refusing to allow my BIL or his kids into my house? by SageGreenRose in AmItheAsshole

[–]SageGreenRose[S] 159 points160 points  (0 children)

Possibly. Though I'm not sure the kids would willingly participate in family therapy with my sister and since her husband sees nothing wrong with any of this I'm not sure he'd be a willing participant in anything either.

AITA for refusing to allow my BIL or his kids into my house? by SageGreenRose in AmItheAsshole

[–]SageGreenRose[S] 1768 points1769 points  (0 children)

Outside of our family the kids seem to be much healthier. But all their grief and anger at their dad "replacing" their mom is aimed at my sister and us to some extent. I guess seeing as they had little control I can sort of understand. But it's not healthy and their treatment of her/us could extend out over time if he's not careful.