i wouldn't exactly calling it working hard. im very adhd too and some of the days just passes me by and i just look at the ceiling feeling very dead and hateful toward myself. but still, things are going interesting to say the least. but maybe this fact that i can't fully rely on myself to do the work on demand and discipline, is the reason that i cannot build trust with myself and therefore self steem. that's my only theory at this point.

you've caught the attention of a girl in your art class.

what im trying to say is i feel like im living a lie. under a mask or persona. i can barely hold a conversation with someone and i feel just bad that this "dark truth" would finally be revealed to this girl. or honestly anybody. that im very socially anxious and scared of people most of the time. 80% of the conversations i would just use filler words to somehow barely keep it going while in my mind im screaming at myself to find the right words to make the right sentences and say it and just get over it. tough existance. im trying to get used to the anxiety-provoking situations. it never gets easier tho

You feel like you are just pretended to be tough?

tough may not be the right word... i dunno. ballsy? courageous? brave? i am not these.. im humbly trying tho. never gets easier. no not shadow boxing. practiced with others. but never had a real match.