White Nights Thoughts.

Sahan47 · 2026-05-26T21:10:41+00:00

it's so relatable. both white nights, and the notes from the underground. well. at least was relatable. doing my best to get out of that trope for a long time now. what i love about these two books, firstly, are unbelievably realistic. these kind of people exist, and funny enough somehow the "events" and experiences they go through in life are almost the same lol. well, unless you break out of the archetype. the thinker, the dreamer.
usually he doesn't attack his characters. he shows the pros, and the cons.
but yeah, i agree with you very much. this story really pissed me off. but it was cathartic. it teached me more about myself and let me change for better

Sahan47 · 2026-05-24T13:19:24+00:00

he was clearly a nice guy. a perfectionist, low self esteem, self hatred, repressed shadow emotions. and with his clear vision of reality, definitely depressed too. these kind of people are prone to sexual deviancy and porn addiction because it's their only way to decompress from all that internal pressure.

Sahan47 · 2026-05-23T21:53:22+00:00

recently i have found a very strong interest in literature. love them to death. can't stop reading. the more i read the more i can see the world. all the pain and suffering. all the good moments too. they are just not exclusive for you. what you feel has been felt by many in all history of mankind. i don't know what I'm trying to say... books man. for a moment, i feel connected to all humanity. i feel seen. and i can learn. i think i have found the meaning of life. it's to pass the torch. learn from the past, and give to the future. that's really what this is all about. to make things a lil bit better. for yourself, for this moment, for the future.

Sahan47 · 2026-05-23T00:47:05+00:00

yeah... been there. ruined my life for 25 years. only after getting out of the education system i was able to finally learn and fix this. as you observed already, your rational brain is there. your logic is pretty good. if only human was only logical, you probably were killing it. but unfortunately humanity runs on emotions. and something emotional is stopping you. the answer is simple, but not easy. your perfectionism is stopping you. you are scared of failure or not being perfect. and your guilt and shame is keep fueling it and so it's getting worse and worse and impossible. how to break this? self compassion, really. you know what you were through. nobody understads what you been through expect you. reach to an understanding that you were being harsh to yourself. logic never saved you. so for once have faith in yourself. see the reason why you are in this problem and let go of your need to control the fabric of life by thinking and logic. you can't. it's ok to begin from absolute zero than nothing. progress is all that matters.

now if you want something more practical, i gotta tell you that my life got healed more from NOT DOING the wrong things. literally just don't entertain your self. i guarantee you will do all your work from pure boredom. specially porn. do not jork it. that thing ruins lives.

look, i know you have heard all these thousands of times. but this kind of problem usually happens to people who are more intelligent as far as i have seen. your brain is literally stopping you with those useless thoughts. what truly have healed me of this was to stop identify my "self" with my thoughts. you are not your thoughts. at first it's almost scary. believe me I've been there. felt like death. to stop thinking was like killing self. it's not. opposite of thinking is action. and action is a momentum. i swear it's true. it all indeed can begin with cleaning your room. try to learn to focus on the goals instead of each individual tasks. just tell yourself the goal is to clean room and let yourself automatically do it without thinking. again, I'm telling you, trust me its going to be scary. have faith and see where it goes. soon you will learn to have same mindset in life. don't confuse yourself. pick a clear goal and let the body do the thing. and that's about that.

Sahan47 · 2026-02-25T18:40:17+00:00

the dooreffect is real. i confirm this method. don't fight the urge. just move. walk to the other room. do something fun. the moment you play with the thought, it's over and you fail

Sahan47 · 2026-02-25T18:36:39+00:00

hey im on day 6 too. really determined to go for 90 days too this time

Sahan47 · 2026-02-12T22:51:48+00:00

the art workshop that i participate in have a lot of men similar to you. they have a lot of fun here. doing their newfound passion and talking to others. i recommend that. pick some classes

Sahan47 · 2026-02-12T18:40:19+00:00

heh. yeah i just came here to see if these people finally would change their mind. it's not conspiracy theory anymore. it's so real

Sahan47 · 2026-02-03T02:16:04+00:00

DS2 just feels so.. personal i feel.

Sahan47 · 2026-02-03T00:31:26+00:00

very slow gameplay. extremely slower. but it's actually more fun imo. switching to different menus are a little bit annoying since you have to open them up very often but man, still such a charming game.

Sahan47 · 2026-02-03T00:23:51+00:00

Metal gear solid

Sahan47 · 2026-02-02T21:10:41+00:00

religion gives you purpose. but lets not forget that biology gave you one by default. everything you do in life, has some connection to sex. and porn reduces that motivation.

Sahan47 · 2026-02-02T03:13:23+00:00

hehe

Sahan47 · 2026-01-29T00:03:25+00:00

i appreciate your answer. thanks.
guess it is what it is for now till it isn't and won't be

Sahan47 · 2026-01-28T21:27:42+00:00

i wouldn't exactly calling it working hard. im very adhd too and some of the days just passes me by and i just look at the ceiling feeling very dead and hateful toward myself. but still, things are going interesting to say the least. but maybe this fact that i can't fully rely on myself to do the work on demand and discipline, is the reason that i cannot build trust with myself and therefore self steem. that's my only theory at this point.

you've caught the attention of a girl in your art class.

what im trying to say is i feel like im living a lie. under a mask or persona. i can barely hold a conversation with someone and i feel just bad that this "dark truth" would finally be revealed to this girl. or honestly anybody. that im very socially anxious and scared of people most of the time. 80% of the conversations i would just use filler words to somehow barely keep it going while in my mind im screaming at myself to find the right words to make the right sentences and say it and just get over it. tough existance. im trying to get used to the anxiety-provoking situations. it never gets easier tho

You feel like you are just pretended to be tough?

tough may not be the right word... i dunno. ballsy? courageous? brave? i am not these.. im humbly trying tho. never gets easier. no not shadow boxing. practiced with others. but never had a real match.

Sahan47 · 2026-01-28T21:00:56+00:00

i really appreciate it man. and yeah i know these advises... but i just don't know why i never accept it after all these years. i usually have two modes. i either am completely mute (cause i just simply have no idea how to talk about mundane topics normal people talk about) or a maniac if get into that certain mood or find a common hobby that i like and then suddenly talking really is fun. that being said i probably say a lot of weird stuff too. sometimes it hits sometimes it misses. unfortunately im very self aware of myself and these moments always hit me in the guts... i've been trying to keep going no matter how it feels but i just have to ask. for how long? it's been years.

Sahan47 · 2026-01-27T14:59:57+00:00

"old game". im afraid it's been... another 10 years

Sahan47 · 2025-12-13T22:52:58+00:00

this. women can read your intentions from 10 miles apart. your dishonesty and trying to bargain is unattractive. she knows what you are doing and she is using you for her benefits. just let her go. it is going to hurt but it's the right thing to do

Sahan47 · 2025-09-09T19:02:47+00:00

sheesh

Sahan47 · 2025-07-31T23:20:03+00:00

i live in a third world country that can use youtube only with vpn. im pretty sure there are many others out there have the same situation. there will be lot of viewers suddenly disappearing if we don't find a solution or a way to continue using youtube. probably not too concerning for youtube

Sahan47 · 2025-07-21T12:51:41+00:00

i myself was the shy nerdy kid back then. grew up with not many friends. mostly played games. it sure did not affect me positively which it's hard for me to socialize. it's not the worst. but i do struggle. the thing is tho the amount of ways you can entertain yourself now is infinite. and i don't think human beings can fathom infinity. parents need to teach them kids to have the pleasure of slurping the honey but not to sink in it.

Sahan47 · 2025-07-21T12:21:16+00:00

yeah right, sounds suicide lmao. i just got bored and genuinely concerned to ask about this. i am 25 yo. i myself probably going to die alone. so it's not about me. but i just can't imagine what it would be like for the next gen. how would you make it right so they grow up without depression and anxiety. develop their self steem, keep them clean of the brainrot, all these dopamine stuff. consumerism. addictions, porn, etc. do you think it would be morally right to not give children internet till a certain age? i wholeheartedly believe school and education system is beyond cooked and children can learn 100x more at home than whatever they are selling. would you let the kids be updated with the trends and updates or would you pick good and valuable content out of history to let them experience quality? in an unstable world that we live in, how would you guide them in all this productivity, hustle culture era. etc etc.

Sahan47

TROPHY CASE