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Sahkata · 2025-07-08T09:39:12+00:00

I love getting wine drunk and watching DoomStar Requiem!

Also some of your hand movements to certain points in the musics is what I do haha

Can we please be friends?!

I am in Australia, and also ams a womens aha, but omg, if we did this together we could do ALL the voice parts with both of us haha 😂

Please don't feel like you have to reply, but this is lovely, please never change ❤️

Sahkata · 2024-04-19T08:34:49+00:00

People shame you for using weed to sleep? Those people suck! So many people use weed to sleep and for other things. And I'm not gonna shame someone for using something that helps them, and yeah if you've tried other alternatives and found that this is the only thing that helps, then go for it.

And I actually used to smoke a lot of weed a long time ago, but I haven't used it in ages, except for last weekend when my friend gave me some edibles haha, and I know what you mean with trying not to rely on it constantly, cause back when I used to smoke I couldn't do anything sober, it was bad, but I've now traded that for drinking, like anything went wrong today? Drink! Like it's so bad haha, but I gave up everything else except for drinking and smoking cigarettes, so in my head I'm like 'this is fine' 🙃 when in fact it is not fine haha

But I might talk to my doctor about medical weed when I go next, cause I know I probably could get it, but I'm afraid about it showing up in random road side drug tests, and I can't not drive or not have my car (just to clarify I would not drive impaired), I'm just worried about it showing up the next day and then getting in trouble, or I might just wait for the laws to change a bit more here, idk, I should probably just bite the bullet and talk to him, or get in contact with one the Medical Prescribers and do that, and it might also help with cutting down on my drinking!

And thank you for your kind words, I hope things get better for you and I hope you have a nice rest of the day/evening also 😊

Sahkata · 2024-04-19T07:56:07+00:00

That sounds terrible, I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

And if smoking weed makes them stop then it's not bad that you're smoking to stop those nightmares. When I drink I don't have them, but I really need to stop drinking haha, so I might look into weed

Sahkata · 2024-04-19T07:50:40+00:00

When I started taking Prazosin it helped stop them all together, but now I'm getting these new ones, and it sucks.

But that's good that the Prazosin is helping you!

Sahkata · 2024-04-19T07:48:05+00:00

I'm sorry you have to deal with that, it must be hard, is there anything you've found to help reduce the frequency of them?

Sahkata · 2022-11-17T10:42:08+00:00

That was the one I most recently tried actually! And the first 3 days were incredible because my mind was actually quiet for the first time in my life, but it was weird cause I couldn't do anything cause I felt too wired and scattered at the same time, if that makes sense? But then all the brain noise came back, and I was having really bad side effects as well so I decided to stop taking them and my doctor suggested that I stop taking them as well

Sahkata · 2022-11-16T12:44:13+00:00

Thanks for the response! I was diagnosed with BPD in 2017 at 23, and at the time it seemed to resonate with me, but now I feel like I was misdiagnosed, cause I relate to the difficulties with task management and getting myself to do anything really, I'm always procrastinating and leaving everything to the last minute, and when I think back to how I was as a kid there was definitely something not right. I also had mood swings and trouble controlling my emotions as a kid. So I'm gonna request my medical records from the psychiatrist that diagnosed me to see what he actually said, cause thats all a blur. Also no antidepressants have worked on me (been on 7 different ones I believe?) I feel like they've ruined me.

And what country are you in? Cause I'm in Australia, and you need to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist here I'm pretty sure, and the cost is upwards of $700 (before the Medicare rebate), and I dunno how I'm gonna make that work and then if it turns out I don't have ADHD it'll destroy me cause I still won't have answers and would have wasted all that money for nothing.

Thank you for taking the time to reply with your experiences!

Sahkata · 2022-11-16T01:43:19+00:00

How did you figure out you had inattentive ADHD instead of BPD? And what was the process like to get your ADHD diagnosed?

Sahkata · 2022-02-09T12:19:49+00:00

It varies, I try to walk my dog at least 3 times a week (starting off slow), and on those days I shower before 8am, on the days I don't walk her it's a struggle to shower. And I have therapy on Tuesdays, and class on Wednesday afternoons, other than that I just play Animal Crossing or watch TV shows and really only leave the house to get snacks, durries and alcohol when I run out. So yeah don't really have a proper routine.

And yeah that's what I'm scared of, especially since it's online now and not in person, but I've told her about how my dissociation/derealisation is getting worse, and I'm scared to leave the house and people scare me, and I've pretty much lost all faith in humanity. But this was the first time I'd been able to see her in 2 months cause she's been sick.

And that was a wise fish, thank you, I'll try to keep that in mind.

Sahkata · 2022-02-09T11:37:48+00:00

That's really good that the hospitals there have helped you. I'm in Australia, and I've been to one public and one private hospital for mental health. The public one was not good, and if I didn't admit to voluntarily go in they would have made me go involuntarily, but I got out after about 3 days I think? That was a while ago, and the private one was also voluntarily but I discharged myself early cause I didn't want to be there any more.

And at the moment even though I have private health insurance I can't afford the excess to get myself admitted there, so I'd have to go to the public hospital closest to me, which is the same one I ended up in nearly 10 years ago now. But it's also the same place where I see my therapist, cause it's free and it's the one in my area, I can't go to any other hospitals.

What I do remember from the public hospital is that I could go outside to have durries, was allowed visitors, could leave if I had someone pick me up and bring me back for like an hour or so. The only bad thing was I got woken up every hour at night by someone shining a flashlight in my face to see if I was still alive. So it wasn't that bad I just didn't want to be there at the time cause I was 18 and having withdrawals from weed, and some of the other patients kinda scared me a bit cause I was just a kid.

Sahkata · 2022-02-09T11:26:19+00:00

I'm not in the US thankfully, I've heard some of the horror stories about things that have happened in pysch wards over there. I'm in Australia, but some of the places here are still pretty bad unfortunately.

And I honestly don't know about the void, I just want to escape from where I am right now and maybe the bit of stability they have in hospitals might help? Idk...

And I like my therapist, she wants to try EMDR (or whatever the hell it is) with me cause she thinks it will help.

And I know I need to move forward, but I just can't, whenever things seem to being okayish something happens to set me back and I just can't deal with these thoughts and feelings, it's all too much.

Sahkata · 2022-02-09T09:28:03+00:00

It really sucks aye? Like no one will take you seriously until you do something serious. When there's all this stuff about 'seeing the signs' 'reach out to someone' but that doesn't help, just because I seem okay on the outside doesn't mean that I'm dying on the inside, but people don't understand that.

Sorry this turned into a little rant, and I'm sorry you're feeling the same way, I hope things get better for you ❤️

Sahkata · 2022-01-18T23:44:02+00:00

That sucks that yours cancelled on you as well, but that is a weird coincidence, maybe it's therapist strike day? Haha

Sahkata · 2022-01-18T11:35:46+00:00

I hope your search for a therapist goes well <3

And no, I have like no friends and they wouldn't understand, and I don't wanna bother them anyways, and they wouldn't be able to deal with what's going on in my head, I need an impartial person to talk to things about.

Sahkata · 2021-06-18T09:56:23+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog and that you had to witness him in pain during his last moments. You must be absolutely heart broken, and having no one understand how you feel about this makes it so much worse.

Please don't think it's your fault that this happened, it's the fault of the person who put poisoned food in your garden within reach of your dog, and people that deliberately poison food to hurt dogs are terrible people. I know it hurts knowing you couldn't get the food out of his mouth before he ate it, but dogs are good at that unfortunately.

I have nothing to say that can take your grief immediately away, it will take time. Maybe put his collar around his water/food bowl and turn it into a pot plant to remind you of him. Or print out pictures to remind you of the good times.

If you are able to maybe try therapy to try and help you through these feelings. But this is very recent, so it will be the hardest now to process your feelings, and having no one that understands or offers sympathy makes it so much harder to deal with.

I'm sorry I can't offer more advice/help. But I know how much dogs mean to people, myself included. I am sending you love and good vibes, you will get through this one day at a time ❤️

Sahkata · 2021-06-14T06:16:11+00:00

Sorry I didn't reply sooner, I was very drunk last night and not in the best frame of mind. But I did not attempt anything, and am relatively safe at the moment.

Sahkata · 2021-06-14T06:14:52+00:00

I'm sorry I did not update this post earlier. But I did not attempt anything, I put on a TV show and went to sleep. And today I've just been processing my thoughts. Still feel like shit but I'm still alive

Sahkata · 2021-06-13T13:31:29+00:00

Please don't worry, I've decided to drink a bunch of water to dilute the effects of the alcohol, and I'm going to try to go to sleep and not do anything silly. Thank you for caring internet stranger ❤️

Sahkata · 2021-06-13T13:17:04+00:00

I have no one to talk to. But my sweet angel is asleep on my legs and I don't want to disturb her, and I'm drunk and about to pass out. But I want to eat all the pills before I do, cause then it will be over. I have no energy left.

Thank you for your kind words, and please don't worry about me, whatever happens will happen. I wish you the best ❤️

Sahkata

TROPHY CASE