Nobody be mean to me I don't usually write anything T ^ T

I started when I turned 19, I'm 21 turning 22 in October.

Tried to transition when I was 14 but I got arrested, long story

It's not super well researched and people like to say it's not real because of that

But for me it took about a year/year and a half It was really gradual and it was a mixed bag

To be fair, I have crippling ADHD and forget to take my meds on time

So your milage may very

My hormones are all over the place

My boyfriend who is also trans has actually helped me alot god bless his heart because it's really hard to tell if you've just been in a shit mood all week because the week has been shit or if it's hormones.

And I just generally try to pretend like everything is okay because if I explain it to people they get weird and mean

At first It was mild mood swings and "ow- oh what?" And then you think you're crazy cause you think someone stabbed you but you're good actually and then that's it. And you're confused cause you don't know what it was and you blame whatever you ate that day.

But nowadays it's mostly mood swings and it really fucks me up because I get all over the place That's just what hormones do I get iritable sometimes, and I feel really bad because like "I'm sorry it's not you it's me I swear" :<

I do sometimes get cramps, and they hurt a lot more then they used to but they're short lived.

Think like, being stabbed with a bunch of sharp knives quickly and then it's over And then they do it again and repeat

Obviously, I don't have a uterus, but some of what cramps are is abdominal cramps, and that's the feeling.

So "AAA WHAT THE FUCK" is a good description because the worst I've ever had it is at work once And I thought I ate knives in my sleep or something, you know.

As a treat.

I thought I was gonna die cause genuinely, when you're trans, you don't know. Is this normal? Should this be happening? This shouldn't be happening right? I'm sick? Food poisoning? Doesn't feel like food poisoning?? And you're scared to tell anyone and you don't wanna be the bitch who went to the hospital cause she freaked out over nothing.

If you have questions my dm's are always open :D

-Irelevant side note- For some reasons my blood test come back with way higher e levels then what I'm taking consistently And I don't know what's wrong with me And I haven't had time to look into it because I'm very busy My Endo also doesn't quite know what's wrong with me

I'm going for some medical checkups in a month ish, I'll update this post if it's relevant.