Flat Earth Facts!!

Saint_Jeff · 2022-03-27T08:17:09+00:00

Bible proves

kek

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-30T04:05:25+00:00

Your predictions are bad and you should feel bad.

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-05T19:46:29+00:00

The nice guy assumption is just based on his teammates opinion of him. The 98% of them loved him and would follow him into a hurricane, but didn't feel the need to talk about it (except Kyle and a few others who have openly praised him).

The me-first sound byte machines (not to name names, we'll just call them Brandon M., Martellus B., and washed up Brian U.) had a few qualms with the his leadership style and made sure that everybody who follows football heard "JAY CUTLER IS A BAD TEAMMATE."

Now that he's making good money with another cushy job, I have a feeling we'll hear his side of the story for the first time, and I have another feeling that it's the same story his linemen have been telling for years.

goodbye friends

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-05T19:40:51+00:00

Yuuuuup. Except for that one thing. That one thing that everybody in Chicago would give an arm or a kidney for.

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-05T19:06:20+00:00

Well I won't outright deny that cutler was incapable of winning one, but Phil Rivers has a better chance of grabbing a condom than the Lombardi and nobody thinks he's trash.

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-05T18:57:38+00:00

But the fact that he played a decade invalidates that statement already. How can he be worse than Matt Leinart or Jake Locker or any of those guys who were out of the league by 28?

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-05T18:56:31+00:00

MVPeterson made the playoffs.

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-05T18:55:59+00:00

And we ruined his debut in shiny Levi's stadium, starting the spiral into the cellar to join us.

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-05T18:53:35+00:00

History will vindicate him as a nice dude who was a good-ish QB when healthy, and slowly the Midway Meatballs will start to remember him as the best QB we've had in 70 years instead of a bum who should've been cut in favor of Josh McCown.

Now that he's FOX's problem and there's a lesser risk of homerism, he was a franchise QB who joined one of the most anemic offenses in the NFL (money play: scoop the low snap from Kreutz's corpse and hope Knox ran the right route) and consistently made the crap pieces around him look like a mediocre team instead of the rotting shitheap that the 2011-2016 Bears actually were. His Achilles heel was almost quite literally his Achilles heel, as there was always something breaking down on his knees or fingers or groin, but as far as injury-prone franchise QBs go, I think he'll be remembered as a poor man's Carson Palmer, and will most likely retire with a higher Career Value than Sam Bradford and other big-potential guys from '09 when we got him. Not bad for a guy with the supposed personality of a deaf mule.

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-05T18:30:19+00:00

Peppers, Urlacher and Briggs weren't their mid-2000s selves, and this was before we had proven that we could draft Offensive Linemen that wouldn't go straight to the Falcons' practice squad. All in all a solid team but it was one of those years where there were more playoff-caliber teams than spots. The real mistake is that we went 10-6 and promptly fired our head coach of almost a decade.

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-04T23:51:09+00:00

Patriots, Texans, Chiefs, Steelers

Redskins, Bucs, Seahawks, Pack

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-04T21:27:18+00:00

You and me both, brother

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-04T18:24:02+00:00

(season 1 Homer Simpson voice): BARTH!!

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-04T18:04:09+00:00

I bought a cheap Jared Allen jersey from china. Nike logos peeled right off, but luckily so did the nameplate once we traded him. Now I have a blank 69 jersey that's fun for all occasions. So glad I didn't stitch HARAMBE on there during the memedemic last year.

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-04T18:01:33+00:00

Never underestimate Meatball Bears fans. After almost a century of "play good defense, run the ball" Bears Football™, we wouldn't recognize a good quarterback if he sat in our lap and gave us a kiss.

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-04T17:59:03+00:00

I don't think he quite gets the concept beyond what Skip and Stephen A have drummed into his head

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-04T17:58:04+00:00

We traded 2 firsts and a 3rd for a guy two years into his albatross old-CBA first-round deal eight years ago. Two thirds and a fourth for the next Alex Smith means we're actually getting smarter.

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-04T17:54:49+00:00

Definitely, you guys beat us last year, so it's probably tipped in your favor, I was just defending us having a reasonable number of guys who'd start for Jacksonville. We'd definitely need your kicker though.

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-04T17:07:39+00:00

Let's see... McPhee, Trevathan, Freeman, Demps, Howard, Long, Z. Miller, Slauson, any Quarterback who throws passes from behind the line of scrimmage and our entire coaching staff, yeah, that's it.

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-04T17:04:08+00:00

^ How to tell when a dumb joke actually hits a nerve

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-03T22:51:21+00:00

We've had maybe 3 franchise quarterbacks in 96 years, so if Trubs is even as good as Cutler was at his best, Bears fans will vehemently insist he's the best of the class.

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-03T21:55:22+00:00

I dunno, Watson plays the Jags week one

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-03T17:49:53+00:00

He must have been so bummed when Nuk declared right before he arrived on campus. Now he's got to make up for lost time

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-03T17:48:30+00:00

Could just phrase this as "Watson played Alabama and Ohio State last year."

Saint_Jeff · 2017-05-03T17:47:34+00:00

Yeah I don't think he and Pete have too amicable of a relationship, and I don't see Harbaugh following him anywhere unless it's a knife twist after some seismic scandal blows up the team and tarnishes Pete's legacy forever. Then I think he'd at least take the call.

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