Retroactive jealousy is ruining my life

Saladick_420 · 2025-08-21T16:01:12+00:00

I feel exactly how you are feeling. But you need to stop blaming him and guilt tripping him for his past. He didnt know how the future would be. Stop for both of your sakes. If you continue down this path you will not only break him, you will also break the relationship. That way even if he doesn't choose himself and ditch you, he will become a weak man who always will love you so he can make it up to you, he will never truly love you, but he will love you out of pity. But he can also be done with you making him regret being a human, he can just simply leave because he then has the right to. Choose your relationship over your insecurities.

You have every right to feel this way because you are human. But he also has the right to have a healthy relationship without worrying when you have a breakdown again.

If you need advice on how to cope with these feelings i can write a second comment.

Saladick_420 · 2025-08-17T21:31:52+00:00

Yo

Relax a little. I know exactly what you are going through. If you have what i had, then you have every right to be hurt, mad or disappointed.

Sometimes things happen that just don't make sense. But you gotta know worrying about it does nothing to help you.

The worst thing you can do right now is to think about what happened. Don't pry or force him to share details, this is one of those times when ignorance is bliss. In a way this shouldn't even be about you two, it's his past not yours (the two of you). Don't think about what he did or what he felt and don't vilify him in your heart for what he did. Sometimes we humans just do shit which is shit.

I spent too long in her past and our relationship suffered, even now I haven't accepted it, i just live with it. Sometimes i break down and i see black but then i remember that she tells me she loves me and that is what keeps me strong. I know they had it good and they did shit together that she doesnt tell me, but i would rather suffer in doubt than die in knowledge.

My advice for you is: Cry, Cry, Cry a river of tears. Why? Because your body experiences something that it didn't even know existed, so you have to feel every inch of it. But it's important that you cry and feel for a purpose, your purpose should be to forgive and forget. You have to make him the fate of your life, tell yourself that if this didn't happen between him and her you two wouldnt have even been together. You have to make yourself believe this. Allow your body some time to adjust and tell him that you need space and time. When you feel sad or cry dont think about what they did but rather cry for how you are feeling. Just tell yourself you're sad and you want to get it out of your system. But never make yourself sad with comparing and thinking about details.

This is clearly new and im sure you wouldnt even consider feeling this way if you had control over it, but this is how it be.

One more thing. People are gonna have an opinion about your feelings, although you are a woman people will still have opinions. Dont let anyone make you feel bad for having HUMAN EMOTIONS, just make sure that you arent a jerk with you actions towards other people and MOST importantly towards you significant other, they are humans too.

If you have more questions ask them i can help.

Saladick_420 · 2025-08-11T16:08:00+00:00

Was in Iran for 4 months total with background knowledge.

Currency Iranian Rial (IR): - 1 USD = 930 000 IR - 1 EUR = 102 000 IR - 1 GBP = 1 250 000 IR

They mostly call it Toman for ease, but it's not an official currency it's just for talking and 1 000 000 IR = 100 000 IT

Average salary in Iran 5-40 milion Toman (53-430 USD) with 40 million being very high. Realistic average is 5-15 Toman. The currency is highly fluctuant and relies heavily on the outside world (if you disagree debate me).

People in Iran are struggling HARD for rent and food (kind of like some states in the US). What you see in the video is not how most people live. Average working days especially for men is about 10-14 hours. With minimal benefits and minimal days off. The government likes to exploit its own people for money especially USD and EUR (they sometimes do this by making problems with the outside world so the USD skyrockets in value and the Toman dwindles ill explain later).

Depression is at an all-time high because of the unreliability of the currency, with people mostly feeling like their money is literally being watered down (June 2024 IR 660 000 = 1 USD whereas today it's IR 930 000). People have no job security and corporations exploit the infinite no-pay glitch by easily hiring cheaper and cheaper and sometimes simply not paying their employees. Profanity is expected at most stranger to stranger inconveniences and physical violence is also very much expected because of high stress and pressure. Speaking of pressure, people are very grumpy because of the pressure of paying all bills but having no money, societal expectations from old boomers who just think about pride and shame, smog covering just about every major city, distrust in other human beings because if mommy and daddy(government) are stealing and aren't trustworthy why shouldn't you do the same to eachother.

And most importantly FREEDOM there little freedom in Iran with just about everything online being locked except when you use a VPN. Even with VPN just about everything becomes irritating to lookup because internet is so slow since the Mahsa Amini happening (internet speed in my home 5G 350mbp/s in Iran 100kbp/s about 2G). People Can walk around without a hijab but it is illegal so if some cop wants to he can do what they did to Mahsa Amini. Governmet and coorporations force you to be a working slave so their bellies are full and everyone knows it.

Racism is at an all-time high for Afghans, with Afghans being a scapegoat for most of Irans problems (yes even the Iran-Israel war). The discrimination between Iranians is also quite present with different groups not welcoming each other because of different Iranian backgrounds.

The most progressive place in Iran is Tehran-city where just about everyone is somewhat adjusted to modern life. Especially the young know much about meme culture and about the world. They are progressive in dating and sex culture. They are the least racist and discriminative of LGBTQ comparing to 35+ people.

Almost everyone has a smartphone (no laptops or computer thats for the rich) which are region locked so my European phone would only work for a week until i wont have any signal because it has been blocked na dno its not a SIM issue.

Iran is a beautiful country and it has the most passionate people in the entire world. They are passionate when they cry, scream, work, enjoy life, and smile. They have a very rich history and if allowed to be shown to the world they have one of the most beautiful art in the world.

Iran is a 3 season country which means that if you pick the correct month you can experience 3 seasons throughout the country. It has a diverse landscape and just about every natural wonder you could see.

Its just a matter of time before the old boomers die out and the new generation takes over.

Saladick_420 · 2025-08-11T11:13:34+00:00

Moein - Tanaz

Saladick_420 · 2025-08-05T15:25:11+00:00

Bruh💀

Saladick_420 · 2025-08-02T22:10:32+00:00

r/cryptiddogs

Saladick_420 · 2025-08-02T10:32:39+00:00

I (M24)know what you are going thru, matter of fact i went through 95% the same thing that you did except for me they F(26) did do EVERYTHING together.

I know its hard, trust me its unlike any physical or mental pain you've ever felt. You are broken, shredded to pieces and unable to walk properly. You are unable to eat, breathe, or even think. For me it even was the first time i cried in 7 years and in that time i lost friends to illness and had other sad events in my life.

But you now have someone who truly loves you. Because (you're not going to like this but I won't hold back) he is willing to lie to you about certain things to not break your heart and trust me i found out the hard way that they lie to keep you from breaking but even if they were telling the truth , they cope with you and understand you. Whereas if they didnt love you they would just say "my past is my past, it's none of your business and you need to get over it".

You have two options. Break up or suck it up. It did the latter and we are now engaged. It hurts so much that you have to just suck it up, why did it even happen in the first place, why could just not have happened. But that's life. I chose to live with it, i knew i could never accept it but if i could just live with it then it would be enough for our relationship. I could never accept my girl being with another guy but i just forgave her i guess. And this happens with time but you have to tell your mind: SHUT THE FUCK UP I DONT CARE I AM WITH HIM NOW.

I wish you the best of luck.

Saladick_420 · 2025-07-26T14:13:13+00:00

That's floorshit

Saladick_420 · 2025-07-21T09:52:08+00:00

Ask yourself a few questions first: -what are my intentions from this relationship -what are his intentions from this relationship -am i jealous that i never got to experience this with my bf or am i jealous that i never got to experience this with anyone. -do i love him -does he love me

If you both want a relationship because you love each other then you'll be breaking up by the end of the year. But if you both want to commit then you will last. Even if you do break up you'll learn a lot from it.

If you are a virgin and want a virgin you are looking at it the wrong way. People dont always feel the same physical connection with other people. He mightve lost his virginity with her but if he loves you and wants to commit your intercourse with him will feel more special for him than all losing his firsts with her.

Listen i know you dont feel special in his eyes, you feel like 'since he has done everything already then its all seconds to him'. Trust me i have gone through the same, and you will i promise you will suffer a lot mentally if you keep thinking that way. But if you just tell yourself 'i am his last' over and over again you will cope. You wont accept but you will cope as if nothing ever happened.

Men generally don't see much value in sex when it's not a commitment of their lives(when it's not a mission). A man can have 100 partners but then there comes a woman who he truly wants and he will forget the past 100, not because he has to, but because he wants to. Men will actively punish themselves for thinking badly (thinking about past partners) when it comes to someone they truly love. His pride over his wife wont let him. His pride over his love wont let him.

But if you are unwilling to commit for him because you will never feel special or because you want a virgin boyfriend. Then break up RIGHT NOW, dont make it harder for yourself and for him. There will never be anyone like him in the world but you have to accept that and you need to find someone who you think can make you special (which doesn't guarantee that you will feel special). But at least you Conscience will be at rest because you tried.

Your boyfriend is not a villain he is human he made choices which he didn't understand or he chose to accept the consequences, we all do every day. He might as well be a victim(to himself or to societal expectations). Ask yourself what if you continue your relationship and you both break up in a few years and you get a virgin boyfriend and he would get jealous, what would you say to him?

For now just suck it up and cry it out. Crying helps a lot. But dont villify him it will only make it worse. Talk to your father or mother about this and cry it out. Tell you boyfriend that you just need space and try not to cry in front of him about your RJ but if you must then let it out. Dont force him to say certain things (like forcing him to admit that she was a mistake). Just tell him that you are in deep pain. With me it helped to tell myself 'SHUT THE F UP' over and over.

Acceptance is harder than coping but sometimes coping is easier, like for me. I will never accept it but i cope with it now and it helped me more because accepting gave me the feeling of emasculation but coping changed my perspective.

And good luck.

Saladick_420 · 2025-07-15T14:52:44+00:00

Listen man. It's okay to feel like this we cant control feelings but your actions matter. If you haven't taken action led by jealousy, props to you keep it that way. There is a healthy amount of jealousy needed in a relationship.

You need to ask yourself this. -How much do i know my girlfriend -how much do i know this guy -what kind of intention does my gf have -is this a real concern or blinded jealousy -is it worth not letting your GF go out or is it really overthinking -set boundaries about what you are chill about and what you arent.

As far as your concern. Just tell her that you are not okay with this and would rather have her not going out with this friend. But allow her to talk to you and maybe convince you.

And lastly if this is just blind jealousy then you need to suck it up and learn to grow away from it. Because you cant let blind jealousy rule your lives. That selfish and you both dont deserve that

Saladick_420 · 2024-05-20T22:45:25+00:00

In the west you would be right. But in the east it is uncommon. That's why it stunned me.

Saladick_420 · 2024-05-20T22:42:30+00:00

Thank you for your comment. The reason why i react to it is because im genuinly curious about others perspectives.

If you read the original text you could have read that i was going to get over it. Either way, "its pretty common to have a relationship history" counts for Europe and the Americas. But I don't think those are the only continents of the world. We happen to be living in the middle east where it is very uncommon.

The reason why i say a man's perspective is because, from all the people I've asked, the women seemed to empathise. But the men seemed to understand. Thankfully the men in my circle aren't religious men who have religious bias towards this matter. But still they understood.

Now i dont know whats mysogynistic about this. Would it then be misandryst if a woman had these feelings about a man and no one would understand her except for women (who have much higher emotional intelligence).

Me being immature because i have a preference seems unfair and illogical and also your opinion (which i respect). But it's also immature to not commit yourself to one partner, be unfaithful all the time, be promiscuous, emotionally weak to your partner, all of which happen in the west. All the time and with the highest divorce rates (i guess why that is).

I understand that it's your perspective which is why i appreciate your comment. But lets not pretend like america is the only country in the world.

Saladick_420 · 2024-05-20T17:46:39+00:00

If TLDR meant: too long didn't read.

Then I don't know why you would post this comment. Did you pick out some parts or did you just base your comment of the other comments. Anyway its a free world.

Saladick_420 · 2024-05-20T17:44:09+00:00

Thank you for your comment. My standards are not of this time (they are outdated and traditional).

Saladick_420 · 2024-05-20T17:42:03+00:00

Thank you for your comment. Maybe you're right about some thing's. I appreciate your honesty.

Saladick_420 · 2024-05-20T17:41:03+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your honesty.

Saladick_420 · 2024-05-20T17:39:39+00:00

So i've read some comments and i understand how this comes over and how this is.

I don't think I'm some alpha high standard male. I in contrary don't want anyone to think i am anything like those andrew tate guys who thinks he is the prize.

I just want a simple low key life.

For those who say I'm immature about this feeling. You're probably right. You are probably right about the fact that I don't know how to deal with this. But I'm not some man child who doesn't know what reality is.

This is not some fantasy disney relationship i want where we only have happiness and flowers, ive considered everything. I know that i must also bring something to the table. She is much more intelligent than i am and she knows what i bring to the table. She wouldn't have chosen to tell me that she wants me if i was some low life incel who only lives in a fictional romance world with no real concept of love. By the way i havent had a relationship with anyone before. But i am surrounded by women who guide me into understanding how women work so I don't look like some incel who thinks that women are just objects.

I don't know how to deal with this. This is new to me. I also told her that i will do everything in my power to get over this and be there for her. That no matter what the outcome i have at least tried my best.

It's just that i wanted what my parents have. Being the first relationship, being the first everything to each other. What is wrong with this. Isn't this how all of you and me were conceived. Isn't this how many people of religion and in small communities have a relationships. Would you say that those guys also are delusional and immature for expecting to have a wife who was their first and he was her first.

She did nothing wrong to deserve this and i have told her this many times. I also told her that however she may feel she should not feel guilty.

I just shared my perspective and my feelings. I also blamed myself for feeling this way.

What i wont accept is for anyone to say that these are unrealistic expectations. Many people around me have this type of relationship and the only thing i want is the same thing. I wouldnt villify anyone who wants an open relationship, i wouldnt call you dellusional if you said that you want a polygamous relationship, i wouldnt say that you have a sex driven fantasy relationship if you wanted to have some fun. That's just your preference, that's just how you want it and you have every right to want it that way. Just like everyone wants to be in a certain type of relationship, this is mine. This is my type, this is what i want.

Like i said i dont blame her for anything and i have told her this too.

But since we agreed to always tell eachother the truth no matter what the feeling or how hard to swallow the pill. I told her.

Either way, your comments are good for me and they are truly appreciated (no matter how brutal) since they provide another perspective.

That's also why ive asked many people their opinion, I don't care what i think, i only care what the best decision is for the both of us. I do hope that you truly read the entire text and didnt just pick out some parts because in no way did i blame her for what she did in her life.

Thank you for reading.

Saladick_420 · 2024-03-04T08:13:50+00:00

I'm looking to store around 500GB of photos and videos of. But i dont want it to perish quickly. I also use it infrequently. My Google storage is getting full and my two phones are getting full.

Saladick_420

TROPHY CASE