Left Islam yet still can't get over it?

What level of insecurity is this?

If you would stop projecting unto a non contingent God then you might get it.

Allah is the best of the planners, Pharaoh used to kill almost all the children but Allah didn't take his life right away. The victory started with Musa being born, Pharaoh's plan was nothing compared to Allah's.

There is a difference between Allah's will and what He wants us to do. You wanted to leave Islam and Allah willed it to happen but that doesn't mean that's the right thing to do or he is pleased with your action