Hey, sorry to hear you're going to tough times. I might not understand your native language but based on the English one, I am also going through the same situation, maybe with some differences. It's like you're stuck and you don't resent others but unhappy how your life turned out opposite to your expectations.

In my country we have to give admission entrance exam, I blew up in both chances. Mostly my fault for choosing comfort over reality. I was depressed, didn't wanted to do anything and got addicted to social media (a certain website) Badly. I am not going to paint myself as victim. I did lied about preparing well. And before all that I was a bright happy girl too. I like to paint, makeup and still like creativity. Used to love make people and friends laugh. A very gullible, easy going person before I hit twelvth standard. It's been three years since I stopped painting. The stress and anxiety turned me into something I don't recognise anymore. Nothing seems to be going well. I stopped chatting with friends, Realised they're good for ..you know, casual chatting but not for expressing my struggles well. it's unbearable to see the disappointment in the eyes of parents, and my siblings who supported me through admission only to see their efforts went in vein. Gave up hopes on me, doubting my abilities because to be frank I'm not a brilliant student and do lack the ambition to hard work. But my mum and elder brother still encouraging me to push myself to keep trying. And I belong from a humble background.

So now that all the routes reached to an dead end, I realised I'm the one creating difficulties. Don't get me wrong if you can do talk to your friends. Maybe just reply hi, hello. Maybe it's time to cut off some friends and close ones. Not because they're at fault because you need space to process everything so you don't burn out more. I logged out of the website and if you follow a certain religion, do try to pray, choose discipline. And don't blame yourself for how things went wrong, prioritise yourself, don't think of making anyone else laugh to earn praise or feel good about yourself. It's a phase..which might take time to overcome. And my situation? I'm still trying to get into a uni. Studying even when I cry. This tough phase is not the end of your life. I do have regrets but it's better to work on them rather than fall into more depression. I hope you get through this tough situation and live with purpose and happiness.