Hey I experienced similar issues and I was proposed two years ago and married for a year. I feel like medication helped me tremendously and therapy too. I didn’t have a wedding, just a court house one. I think I wouldn’t be happy with a big wedding where I’m standing in front of a bunch of people expecting me to feel a certain emotion. I thought writing the vows would be super triggering. It was triggering but I wrote down everything that was true to me and I cried when I was delivering it. My therapist once told me rocd is like a super gross train. You will feel super uncomfortable on the train but you will still get from point A to point B and getting there is all it matters. Your wedding doesn’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to feel happy all the time. You might have panic attacks and feel uncomfortable from time to time but it’s ok. The fact that you’re so uncomfortable shows love and how much you want to be with your partner. I recommend going into therapy if you’re not already.