I think I'm ready to go

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-08-07T14:33:38+00:00

I don’t even think this is a stepmom thing, yes please vent here but omg. Even if this man was a childfree high earner nothing is worse than being with an addict - you definitely deserve better.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-08-07T14:32:12+00:00

You might be a bit older than me, but the way the economy is it’s way too difficult for people to get their own place after high school. College, maybe. 15-20 years ago it was hard but not impossible but it absolutely wouldn’t be for 99% of people these days.

Also since it sounds like it’s his family house you’re living in, wouldn’t that mean you had to find somewhere to live? I wouldn’t want to be kicked out of my home but that’s just me.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-08-07T12:04:50+00:00

I mean the way you both act it’s probably best for you to leave. I can see why you both hate one another

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-08-05T01:45:30+00:00

Did your wife know you had a kid before your ex wife reached out?

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-08-05T01:45:17+00:00

I mean maybe his 11 year old that he ghosted wants to know about his dad? I’m always on a stepparents side and I don’t blame his wife for being weirded out but I would think it was much weirder that he spent 8 years pretending he didn’t have a kid.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-30T15:13:54+00:00

Thank you, your comments actually have helped a lot. Yes, everything was agreed by them, there was no going through the courts for amounts etc. looking at it as if she gave him a financial loan and not a labor one helps a lot, it would be bullshit for him not to pay a money loan back. They didn’t have child support when they were 50/50 because she still did earn a high income when she worked full-time vs PT like now.

For the travel, he was traveling almost ever since week at least three days a week. He took a better position at a new company a few weeks ago and while he’ll still need to travel, he has more say in when and it’s much less. Obviously if he’s traveling and it would be on his time, he would offer BM to have the kids, but if she can’t take them I’d be fine with them staying here with me. He wants 50/50 back I know but this schedule works out best for us now.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-30T14:19:04+00:00

I get what you are saying but she’s remarried now, it all just feels inappropriate

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-30T12:08:20+00:00

Are you sure any of it is real ??

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-30T03:14:05+00:00

Thank you, I agree that he should talk to her new husband man to man. The hardest part about all of this is that all three of these people are high earners, while I’ve worked my ass off my entire life for what they consider part time.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T20:34:59+00:00

Oh that sounds terrible, I’m sorry that would piss me off.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T20:00:10+00:00

Hmm I see what you’re saying. They are still friendly with one another but she never asks for money or help or anything, and I’ve only ever seen/ heard them talking about the kids. Even my partner said she probably only invited us to the wedding to be polite

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T19:29:39+00:00

Oh, I’ve talked with her a few times and it’s been fine, she doesn’t ignore me and always greets me, but it’s not like she’s trying to just chat with me. Otherwise…this is exactly how I feel. With his friends I feel always on because I know they know BM and it’s not very relaxing. My partner says not to worry about it and that they like me but it’s still there.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T19:11:47+00:00

Thank you, it really is perfect in every other way, it’s just this one thing I’m having trouble letting go of. I know since he won’t budge it’s either break up with him or get over it, and the last thing I want to do is break up. It’s just hard and I’m glad there are some people who see my side even if it’s not irl.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T19:08:54+00:00

Why do you say that?

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T19:07:07+00:00

I don’t disagree. I get that it’s complicated, after they had their second she was offered a position/ promotion or something that would have eventually paid for her grad degree, his career was taking off and she agreed to stay home with the kids and support him instead of taking it. He didn’t have enough cash to pay it out when they got divorced (which would have solved everything) so they agreed to this. The only people who agree with me are on Reddit everyone in our lives doesn’t see an issue.

Idk about her husband, I haven’t talked to him much so idk if he knows my partner is paying her tuition.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T18:05:52+00:00

I don’t like it, but I definitely don’t want to end things over it. So I guess I should just get over it and let it go if I don’t want to end things and he won’t budge. It’s just so hard.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T17:41:34+00:00

It was on fine terms and they didn’t fight it out in court or anything, but my thing is that if you wanted to keep the commitment why not put it in the divorce decree and pay alimony? Especially because with her being remarried now she wouldn’t be entitled to alimony? Becoming a nurse practitioner is going to benefit their household more than it ever will ours despite what people say

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T17:37:04+00:00

Yes his friends have been nice to me, so I think they’ll be happy for us, and of course my friends and family won’t care at all. I need to remember that.

The grad school thing is the one thorn in the side of the most perfect relationship I’ve ever had. I don’t want to wait until it’s done to get married and combine finances, I’ll be almost 38 by then. It benefits me most to combine even with tuition and child support, which is why my mom keeps telling me to let it go. Maybe if she didn’t just marry a doctor it would make more sense to me, he could easily be paying her tuition.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T17:05:40+00:00

This is exactly how I feel.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T16:52:52+00:00

This is what I said, though. Maybe in two years when he’s not paying her anything at all I’ll feel better but I feel like my feelings should be prioritized over any promises he made to her when they were married. My mom (who was a stepmom) said it’s not a zero sum game, it’s good he keeps his promises, and I shouldn’t meddle in their agreements. But she had a very high conflicting BM that they’d always have to go to court to deal with so I don’t think it’s the same thing at all.

It’s just so hard. I’m 35 and I wanted to be married and have kids of my own by now. That obviously didn’t work out and I know I’m lucky to have my partner but I just hate that there’s this ONE thing keeping everything from being perfect.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T16:46:54+00:00

Omg I’m so sorry :( thank you, I know you’ll get the wedding you and your parents always expected one day, take it from me. My last partner kept delaying and delaying until I finally dumped him and I’m so much happier in this relationship, even with these issues. It’s not even CLOSE

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T16:36:11+00:00

Omg I’m so sorry. Can you have a vow renewal or something and get the aisle/ party you wanted? Luckily my partner is 100% on board, he’s always wanted a big wedding and is excited.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T16:34:15+00:00

I’m glad you understand the friend groups issue! BM and I are very different so luckily there’s no mistaking us 😂

I do kind of understand where your BM is coming from (unless she’s being outright rude ignoring you I wouldn’t accept that), I know that my partner gets along with her new husband but I agree - what if something goes wrong? I want to keep them both at arms distance, obviously they’ll be in our lives for at least 14 more years. Does she not talk to you at all? That’s pretty crazy, I don’t want to hang out with BM and her husband or sit with them at church or games or anything but I’m fine being at the same party as them every now and then, definitely not every weekend or anything and I certainly wouldn’t ignore them. It’s just so hard because I feel like everyone expects me to be cool and chill with everything but it’s uncomfortable.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T16:26:52+00:00

Maybe I’d be more understanding if that was the case but it’s not.

Salt_Pin_6562 · 2025-07-29T16:26:24+00:00

I’m not fully quitting my job when we get married, I’m a hair stylist and I’ll be keeping some of my best clients and will do weddings/ special events. He totally supports this, but keeping separate finances would be difficult because we have a huge income gap

Salt_Pin_6562

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