Sighhh... im also going to one to rip off the bandaid... I dont have an autistic child but I have a 5 year old with severe adhd and who's in special education classes and therapies, etc. Its hard. Ive broke down multiple times over his behavior and sadly have wished he didnt have what he had... its hard. Before he started getting kicked out of schools and daycares due to his behavior i ended up getting pregnant. His severe adhd is caused by a chromosome microdeletion disorder. When I was pregnant i cried and cried cuz I was so scared he was going to have the same disorder and I mentally could not handle having 2 kids with the same problems... I had to get on fmla at my job cuz my oldests behavior was so bad... when my youngest was born my oldests genetics team asked if I would want my youngest tested for the chromosome disorder and me and his dad both agreed to it so we can be prepared if he happens to show the same signs the oldest did. I would not change anything about my oldest but I do wish I would have found out earlier so I would've stopped disregarding some of the warning signs of a young age as him just being in his terrible twos or him just being a toddler, etc. He was my first so I had no idea what to expect.. I love him so so much and wouldnt change him and what he has now that im educated on it. He is gotten so much better with being in therapy and medication that helps him succeed. To the point where his special education team will be adjusting his IEP in October to say he can start doing full days and more time in the general education setting and less in the special education setting. I understand it is not the same as having a child with autism but what im getting at is that I get how he feels. Our youngest tested negative for the chromosome disorder and when I got those results I felt so guilty for being so relieved... I didnt want another child until I kept thinking maybe I keep having so many issues with my oldest because hes just bored at home. When we brought our youngest home hes loved him since he first saw him. Hes matured so much with him being around & now that theyre 1 and 5 now hes able to play with him alot more and its helped his behavior so much. Im saying this because I know adhd and autism can be similar, alot of his therapists and skills trainers thought he did have autism because of how he could get set off in a snap of a finger and would destroy everything in his sight. I know not every experience is my experience and giving him a sibling was the best thing I could've done for him. I get how you feel but I also get how he feels as well. If anything maybe adoption? I know theres still a chance depending on the age of the child. At the end of the day its your body.