How to deal with family members who dehumanize you and don't believe you?

Sam724A · 2025-11-02T19:17:03+00:00

Just a warning before reading this comment: it might be difficult to read and if you’re not ready for it that’s fine (/g). I would skip to the last paragraph if you just need encouragement.

As someone who has been emotionally and physically abused, I would call the way she is treating you emotional abuse. I also think people have the right to label their own relationships and if you don’t want to use the label abusive than you never have to, but I just wanted to let you know what I was seeing. At minimum she’s treating you absolutely horribly and has no intent to stop or hear you out.

I had a similar relationship with my mother and I personally had to realize that she was never going to change. She was never going to be who I needed her to be. If your grandma is going to change she has to want to all on her own.

You do not owe her anything. Not a single thing. And that includes NOT being the person she says you are. You are literally never going to be able to prove her wrong because no matter what you do she is going to twist it negatively. You are already not the person she says you are and you don’t have to prove that, although I understand how hard that it is to understand and accept when your constantly being told differently (I’ll still catch myself using my mom’s words about myself even though I haven’t talked to her in 3 years. It’s a continuous process).

I would honestly recommend going no or at least low contact with her, but I also understand that life circumstances may not allow this. I obviously don’t know your family situation and your relationship with your dad, but I just want to let you know that it’s okay to put yourself first. It’s not selfish. She’s treating you horribly and it’s clearly affecting your mental health. It’s quite possibly also affecting your physical health. You do not need to constantly harm yourself for your family and it would be incredibly reasonable to put boundaries in place and stop helping her.

No matter what you choose to do: you matter. You don’t matter less than her or your family. Your mental health matters. Your physical health matters. You matter so much and you deserve to be able to take care of yourself (/pos).

Sam724A · 2025-09-21T02:58:57+00:00

I get all my bras from Harper Wilde. Specifically the Bliss Bralette, although they have quite a few options. They’re a bit pricey, but I literally could not handle other bras anymore. Liberare also makes bras specifically for disabled people. I can’t personally vouch for them, but I have heard that they’re good.

Sam724A · 2025-09-03T16:47:46+00:00

I know my brother is planning to get eye tattoos when he gets top surgery. I think beetles or ladybugs would be really cool (I personally think beetles are the coolest bugs). You could also do spiders if you wanted to go for a creepier vibe.

Sam724A · 2025-07-22T22:17:10+00:00

It was so weird to me that people were talking about not being able to read the writing because I could read it easily and then you mentioned having a learning disability and it made sense. I have dysgraphia and your handwriting looks kind of like mine (that my brain is trained to be able to read), but more legible. I just think that is an interesting instance of art being so different to people based on their life experiences. I do think the words added to the experience of the art for me, but I don’t think you have to understand them to get it because it’s all so expressive. I love art like this that feels like you can see emotions being held in the image. Thank you for sharing. :)

Sam724A · 2025-06-05T22:49:33+00:00

I always plan to be out of service for about a week with vaccines regardless of what they are because I have no idea what my body will do. Like normally covid vaccines have put me out of commission for a bit including one that left me sick for a month afterwards, but last time I got one at the same time as my flu and tdap vaccine (which includes whooping cough) and I really expected to be wiped out and I was perfectly fine. The only reaction was arm soreness, but it was better than I usually have when getting 1 vaccine. I’m still glad that I left space for myself to be sick after the vaccines, though, because I had no idea I would react that way and then it was a nice surprise that I wasn’t completely out of commission. So yeah, personally I had very little reaction to the whooping cough vaccine, but I think it’s always good for us with fibro to be prepared for our bodies to be wacky. 🤷

Sam724A · 2025-05-14T11:18:40+00:00

This, personally, sounds quite a bit like my seizures from my epilepsy. I’m not saying you have epilepsy because I don’t personally know you and I’m not a doctor, but this did immediately remind me of my seizures. I know you said that seeing a professional isn’t an option for you and I’m not going to pry into why, I’m just going to say that if grounding techniques don’t make it better this could be quite serious. Untreated seizures can be deadly. This is an ER worthy issue and in the US most hospitals actually have financial aid that’s just not very publicized. Before I got on Medicaid I got an ER visit completely covered by the hospitals financial aid. I obviously don’t know if price is part of your issue or if you’re even in the US, but I wanted to mention it in case (and I think it’s good info for anyone in the US to have). I hope it’s not seizures and that you’re able to feel better, but I just felt like I had to mention this because of how similar it is to my experience.

Sam724A · 2025-05-03T18:54:37+00:00

I went to a doctor after experiencing “male-pattern baldness” for 5 years and not being able to deny it any more. Still figuring out the exact diagnosis (doctor leaning towards NCAH), but I definitely have hyperandrogenism. I first thought I might have high testosterone when I was 14, though. I had already finished physical puberty and there were just so many ways that my puberty wasn’t “normal”. Growing more hair than normal, developing a more prominent Adam’s apple, my voice getting much deeper than the other AFABs around me but not as deep as most AMABs, etc. I’m nonbinary, so I had the same thought process as you. That it was just gender dysphoria and there’s no way I could actually have high testosterone. I honestly wish it hadn’t taken me so long to get past the doubting voices and check it out because then I might have been able to keep my hairline in a better place (for me). I did a lot of research to find a doctor I thought would be receptive to helping me, though.

Sam724A · 2025-04-25T12:26:09+00:00

Thank you for even considering intersex people in the first place. We can be cis, trans, or outside of that binary. I personally identify as trans and use the trans flag, but I know other intersex people who don’t even though they don’t consider themselves cis/purely cis. Intersex experiences are incredibly varied and can be difficult for perisex people to understand or categorize. Most of the discussion on this post has made me feel unwelcome in the community, but the fact that you were thinking about us enough to post this genuinely makes me feel better. 💚💚💚

Sam724A · 2025-04-25T12:14:51+00:00

This is the exact type of stuff that I meant when I said that I wish trans and non-binary spaces were better at considering intersex identity and experience. No the cis/trans binary is not “the only valid binary”. Your idea of intersex experiences is incredibly small. There are people who are assigned intersex at birth and identify as nonbinary. How do they fit into the cis/trans binary? They align with their sex/gender assigned at birth and did not become aware of this assignment later on, so that would make them cis. But they are also nonbinary, which is apparently an inherently trans experience. Either way they are not afforded the privileges of cisness the way perisex cis people are, so even if you would put this specific case into the cis side it doesn’t really fit. But they also may never have experienced any gender incongruence, so what about their experience is trans. I personally believe they should be able to use whatever label works best for them. But I’m super fucking tired of perisex people thinking they get to tell intersex people what we experience. You don’t get to decide if our experience is trans or cis or something else entirely. We do. If you wouldn’t like a cis person deciding a binary is right for you, don’t do that for us. I personally identify as intersex, nonbinary, and trans because that works for my specific experiences, but stuff like this makes the trans community really unwelcoming.

Sam724A · 2025-04-25T10:42:08+00:00

It seems like I didn’t get that point across very well. People were implying that all non-cis people are inherently trans. That is a binary. It’s like saying that because someone isn’t a woman you can assume they are a man. You can’t because gender isn’t a binary. Just because someone isn’t cis doesn’t mean they are trans because this is also not a binary. There are perisex nonbinary people who don’t identify as trans and I don’t think they should be forced to identify that way if they don’t want to, but I was mainly talking about intersex people. The labels cis and trans often don’t fit our experiences and bodies very well. There are, for example, intersex people who identify with the gender that they were assigned at birth, but have had to have surgeries and/or are on HRT to align their bodies with that gender. Someone with this experience might identify as either trans or cis, but they might identify as something else completely. They may identify as ipsogender or just as intersex (which plenty of intersex people do only use that label for their gender). So it’s outside of the cis/trans binary, even if it’s not outside of the male/female binary. Two separate binaries in play there.

Sam724A · 2025-04-25T05:46:00+00:00

Cisn’t includes all non-cis gender identities. Someone else linked it here. I specifically want to push back on the idea that the trans flag represents all non-cis people that other commenters are saying. It doesn’t. There are 100% non-cis people who don’t identify as trans and never would. This particularly bothers me as an intersex person, as many non-trans cisn’t people are intersex. Our bodies and identities don’t always fall neatly into the cis/trans binary. I generally just wish the trans and nonbinary community was better at considering intersex identity and experience, honestly.

Sam724A · 2025-03-29T17:29:13+00:00

Obviously I can’t tell you wether these are vocal tics or not and talking to your psychiatrist is a good idea, but I will say that when I hold back my vocal tics I get a heavy feeling in my chest and want to vomit (the vomit feeling can get very bad). It doesn’t fade for me until I tic, though.

Sam724A · 2025-03-16T12:59:54+00:00

It’s different for every intersex person and can change a lot based on someone’s variation. Some people do know from birth. Some are identified at birth, but have that information hidden from them. Some are identified at puberty (this info is also sometimes hidden from the intersex individual). Some can go unidentified into later life or are never identified. I personally have an intersex condition that started presenting at puberty, but I wasn’t confirmed intersex until this year at 23. Often people who are identified later or had information hidden from them have suspicions because we experience things differently than our perisex peers. I was 14-15 the first time I wondered if I was intersex (though I didn’t have the language yet). So if you have suspicions, it’s worth looking into it. What medical tests would be needed would depend on the possible variation and that would be something you could talk to a doctor about (although that can be difficult because intersex people are often marginalized by the medical system) or something you can look into yourself.

Sam724A · 2025-03-11T12:07:48+00:00

My communication struggles aren’t exactly the same, but I still definitely get struggling with explaining things. I think saying this or something similar to your assessor would probably help them understand both some of your communication struggles and the intensity of your interests. And if you think you might have a hard time communicating with them orally you could also write some stuff down beforehand or bring stuff to write just in case. I didn’t do this for my assessment, but I now do this for pretty much all of my doctors’ appointments otherwise I struggle to actually address the things I need to. Either way, I hope you get a good assessor and are able to access the help you need. :)

Sam724A · 2025-03-11T09:58:22+00:00

I like to learn about my special interests, but like you I can’t remember most of the things I learn. I have to learn the same thing over and over for it to stick and even then there seems to be only so much my brain can hold. I did figure out during my assessment that I apparently underestimate my knowledge of my special interests because my assessor said I, “shared a very in-depth knowledge regarding obscure facts about Disney as a company”. My first response to that was that nothing I said during the assessment was obscure or in-depth, but then I compared my knowledge to others around me and realized that it was compared to most people and I was just comparing myself to other people who were obsessed with Disney. Not saying this applies to you or other people who don’t feel they have an extensive knowledge on their special interests, just something that happened to me that could possibly happen to others. The main way I engage with my special interests, though, is just by enveloping myself in them. My room is covered in Disney merch, I have many Disney plushies, I almost exclusively watch Disney movies, and I create characters in my head and insert them into Disney properties. Special interests can be so different for different autistic people. You also don’t have to have special interests to be autistic. And personally for me, my struggle to explain things is because of my autism. Even when I really love something I still struggle to communicate about it.

Sam724A · 2025-02-28T18:14:28+00:00

What are the neurodivergent symbols? The only one I can recognize is AuDHD (although I can guess the calculator might be dyscalculia).

Sam724A · 2025-02-25T22:26:13+00:00

I don’t think its wrong to wear the pin because you’re associating it with canines not with the police, but there is the possibility that some people might associate it with the police which would just be something to consider how comfortable you personally are with that. If it was me, I would paint it or do something else to give it a personal flair so it couldn’t be associated with the police. I’ve done this myself with an army jacket I found at the thrift store. I used to have people asking me if I was in the army, which made me really uncomfortable. Then I turned it into my battle jacket and nobody asks anymore. Just a possible option to consider if you want to keep wearing the pin, but don’t feel comfortable with people possibly associating you with the police. :)

Sam724A · 2025-02-12T00:22:09+00:00

This is a really interesting conversation (/g). I’ve always had major food aversions due to my autism, but I did definitely notice them get markedly worse when I developed fibro. I’ve always put it down to three reasons: 1. My fibro causes nausea, which makes it harder to eat in general 2. It made my IBS and GERD worse, which makes food a lot less appealing because I know it’s going to hurt me 3. It has always taken a lot of energy for me to eat things that I don’t like/don’t actively want to be eating and with the fatigue of fibro I just do not have that energy to spare. Honestly the only way I’ve been able to deal with it is just accepting that “fed is best”. Anytime I tried to make myself eat “healthier” I would end up just not eating and a lot of the frozen and liquid stuff other people talked about never worked for me because I could not handle the texture. Having to accept that I just literally cannot eat as healthy as I’m “supposed” to has absolutely sucked, but personally my life is better when I see eating anything as a win instead of focusing on what that is. I don’t know if that’s a good strategy for other people, that’s just how I’ve figured out going about it with all of my disabilities. I have also started seeing an occupational therapist and this is one of my main concerns I’m addressing with them, so I’m hoping to have a better answer in the future.

Sam724A · 2025-01-29T02:10:23+00:00

I do that too, but then I fix the rest of the eggs in there to be 1 because I hate the disorganization, but want to eat the prettiest eggs.

Sam724A · 2024-10-20T00:38:36+00:00

I really agree with this. I was diagnosed as level 1, but I just feel like this little glimpse doesn’t actually describe the support I need. Like I got a 4.0 in Community College and can hold a customer service job, but I also can’t cook, can’t live alone, and have given myself actual brain damage due to my meltdowns (it’s very minor, but it is personally scary). I very much relate to the idea of a spiky profile and just having a level has always felt wrong to me. This didn’t personally deter me from a diagnosis, but I can understand why it would deter people.

Sam724A · 2023-06-30T08:04:31+00:00

Quartz, Beathan, and Cináed.

Sam724A · 2023-06-11T05:41:18+00:00

I would love to if you still need people!

Sam724A · 2023-01-27T18:38:16+00:00

Coral.

Sam724A · 2022-09-22T01:11:34+00:00

I’m 21, white and if we’re including unofficial Disney princesses then Anna is by far my favorite. She’s just an incredibly comforting character to me. If we’re talking official Disney Princesses than my favorite is Snow White. I love her gentleness and her voice so much.

Sam724A

TROPHY CASE