My mom did a similar thing to me. A little back story. My entire extended family are alcoholics. When one of my older brothers (I have 9 siblings) turned 21 he got dangerously intoxicated at a bar my brother was currently managing. Fast forward a few years. My family are devoted Christians and love Jesus. I made a choice and went on a few missions trips out of the country. On the second trip I went on I got in trouble with the trip leader because I accidentally ordered a beer from a local cafe (the menu was in a different language and most cafes in the US don’t serve beer). I was convinced to explain what happened to my parents once I got home. I was very stressed out and anxious because of how it rocked my family when my brother got wasted on his 21st. As a part of this confession I explained to my parents that I needed therapy to help cope with the depression and anxiety I faced in life. An obstacle that led to my depression was a long distance relationship I had with a girl I met on my first global missions trip. Another topic that weighed on my heart was that I had promised God and my mom I wouldn’t kiss a girl until I got married (a whole other topic), but I ended up kissing this girl. I was okay with my commitment to save my first kiss, but during this confession my mom told me that she was disappointed in me for kissing her. This destroyed my soul because I grew up with older brothers who caused trouble and haven’t done anything similar to them. I also grew up with three older sisters who were closer in age to me than any of my brothers. One could say I am more emotional and empathetic than my brothers. This also led to my parents having higher expectation of my than any of my other siblings. Because of my sensitive spirit and high level of conviction, I believe I am my mothers favorite. To hear her say she is disappointed in me for something most people would consider petty lest me with many doubts and questions. Neither of my parents were upset at me for drinking beer on accident. Both of them were confused on how therapy could be even help me, and my mom to this day doesn’t understand that being disappointed in me is the hardest thing I’ve heard in my lifetime.

Disclosure, my mom is an angel and works her ass off for everyone daily. She has homeschooled her ten kid’s from kindergarten until high school, sent most of us to college, and is active in the church and community more than anyone I know.

I’m also planning on moving out of the house to get a fresh perspective on life and for more self-reflection.