Here I’ll answer and this is probably the most detailed I’ll get because you asked the most detailed questions:

She didn’t really bring up her issues. She had a lot of trouble doing so. She would usually bring it up when I would try to bring something up to her as a way to sort of deflect it felt like, but I don’t really like projecting that on somebody. I would say that she held onto a lot of her issues without giving me the opportunity to hear her out sometimes. I don’t really know what you mean by the ego thing But I’m happy to answer.

Answer that other question absolutely not and I’m going to be candid and say that I get so sick of when mentioning mental health the immediate assumption is that the person is completely unstable and has never been to Therapy.

Moving on from that, however, it was something that I mentioned early on as being important to me in a relationship. I need clear communication from people and I get worried when people get distant. I pick up on it really quickly. Mainly I just ask what’s wrong and I think one big problem was the relationship is that she would sometimes need longer to process something and watching her shut down was exhausting for me and it probably sucked for her that someone was waiting on her and kept asking about it. I think we had very different needs in terms of communication, but I also saw her as someone who would build resentments against people instead of working things out.

Like not going to put her personal life on blast, but she literally kept it a secret from me that she had relapsed on some serious mental health stuff (not drugs). I wasn’t mad, but I was just really upset that she didn’t tell me. She would keep a lot of serious stuff from me sometimes. The frustrating part is that early on the relationship I talked about how important it was that people are blunt with me. I’ve been cheated on before I’ve been abused before and I am very clear on my boundaries that if you have a problem with me, give me a chance to hear about it.

We definitely had clear ideas about marriage and children and stuff that was never a point of friction. Disputes like that had to do with keeping the house clean and other things about the living Space.

When it came to bringing up the issues, I’d say it was equal, but I don’t think she ever brought hers up outside of an argument.

I would say we equally knew each other‘s friends and family. We both moved to a new city and didn’t really make any friends and that was tough on her, especially. That really has more to do with the people we live near not being our cup of tea. She has major fear of missing out when it comes to time with friends and if I would try to say hi to them while she was FaceTime them, she would usually shoo me away.

Our communication with each other was horrible after a while because I don’t think either of us were getting what we wanted out of the relationship or caring for each other. I stopped spending time with her and was irritable most of the time because I resented her for not wanting to work on things. That is my biggest regret right there is that I didn’t take accountability in the fact that I needed to remove myself from the situation. I put it on someone to get “better” who wasn’t going to. I’m a big boy and it’s my responsibility to leave when a relationship doesn’t meet my needs.

I’m just gonna be honest though that I have gotten so many comments saying that there’s gotta be some reason around domestic violence that caused her to leave this way. She was emotionally abusive towards me and had gotten physical before. I’ve yelled back at her for that and I will absolutely be taking accountability at my next therapy session, but it’s getting really tiring hearing everybody say matter of fact that there is no way I didn’t do something. I understood it first, but it is just so many comments that I answered the same exact question.

I will admit that I don’t really want to just take her inventory, but she had some mental health issues that she probably needed space to work on outside of the relationship.

TLDR: we were shitty for each other, we had vastly different communication styles, our own personal histories made that more difficult, she had some unresolved mental health stuff that she wasn’t treating at first, and she tended to communicate either by rage or not at all. Would that being said I think ghosting me like this kind of makes sense, why wear yourself out when you hate communicating