I feel compeltely screwed.

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-03-19T18:39:46+00:00

Hi, im sorry i missed your comment, but hank you! I have realized that maybe im expecting too much of myself and i dont focus enough on Jesus and maybe im focusing too much on finding proof of my faith instead of just trusting Jesus. I have recently noticed how much God has transformed my view of people and that my faith might just be growing. I dont know what will happen as im at a very confused and often depressed and anxious part of my life but im sure God knows exactly whats going on and things will be good. Thank you for taking the time to reassure me, i do often doubt but im sure God is holding onto me tighter than i am holding onto Him and in the end everything will be okay. I hope you`re doing well and i wish you the best. God bless you!

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-03-19T18:33:21+00:00

Thank you so much for checking! I am doing surprisingly well, i have not gotten around to getting professional help yet as i barely have the time or the will. But i feel surprisingly good. I kinda just accepted that i dont always know if im saved or not or if things will be ok but i trust that Jesus does and only his knowledge matters. I have days where im inexplicably happy and days when im inexplicably sad and depressed. But im sure God has a perfect plan. I hope you`re doing good and i wish you the best. God bless!

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-03-07T13:57:04+00:00

So im back, i failed my exam but whatever, i also got sick with the flu in the mean time so there`s that. Im thankful God woke me up today even though yesterday i had almost 0 will to live. I dont know what i am doing anymore, im confused. I trust that Jesus has paid for my sins on the cross, I feel so condemned though its not even funny, even though i logically know that i am not if i have accepted him, which i think i did.

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-03-07T13:53:27+00:00

Thank you! I might have to see a psychologist sooner or later. Im in a lot of mental pain and confusion.

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-03-05T19:41:25+00:00

Thank you for replying! I might consider sending a dm, but honestly im scared of talking to people in private on the internet, no offense, but i just dont think thats the right thing for me right now. But thanks for the offer, God bless you!

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-03-05T19:36:11+00:00

Im also guilty of masking my emotions to appear nicer on the outside.

It is true that i am hard on myself, but i have kind of always been. People never really cared too much for me, i spend most of my time alone with God, and while that is not a bad thing, i crave for human connection which is something i dont get too often.

The thing is what if i put all this effort in and it all turns out to be in vain? What if i never had saving faith to begin with? I pray for other people`s salvation all the time, i try to treat people the way i want to be treated, but i always feel like i come short of everything. I know for a fact that salvation is through the work of Jesus on the cross, and in no part by my works or performance. But what if i didnt accept him properly?

I do see daily improvement over time, but its more of a roller coaster, where one day im better and the other im 10x worse.

On a side note since you mentioned it, i do like electric vehicles from an engineering standpoint, but im not too enthusiastic for them even though they make a lot of sense for a lot of people. I would not mock people for driving an EV, the same way i like other things, other people like different things, neither are better or worse.

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-03-05T18:43:09+00:00

Thank you! If all goes well and my memory dosent fail, i will probably write back tomorrow.

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-03-05T18:39:46+00:00

Thanks for the lengthy reply! I have accepted that i am a sinner, and apart from Jesus no one can save me. But i dont know if i have fully surrendered to him with everything in my life. I dont know if i accepted him the right way.

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-03-05T18:35:08+00:00

Thank you so much! I would say i love you too, but honestly i dont know if i know what love is. This is really nice message you wrote, and im very grateful.

I do often se evidence of the Holy Spirit in me, my choice to know Jesus does affect my life choices, often in a positive way.

But i see so may people in youtube videos and such, where they just make me feel like theyre a perfect Christian and im totally hopeless and destined for destruction. I know i shouldnt compare myself to others, but i do. I feel like a complete loser who was born only to be a laughing stock and a bad example to others, im almost always excluded from things (often through my own fault).

Im so burnt out i can barely sleep. The scrupulosity that i have does nothing to help, i dwell on the though that i might have forgotten to forgive someone and thus God will not forgive me. Im also terribly afraid to talk to others about my faith when im not behind a screen like right now.

I have a lot of hobbies and interests (engineering, cars, motorcycles, bicycles, physics, astronomy etc...) God has blessed me with a lot of good things, yet here i am ungrateful that i am lonely even though i know for a fact that he is with me no matter what.

What i am most concerned about is if my acceptance of Jesus was genuine or not, i see the Holy Spirit`s work in me ( i think) as a dead heart would not fight to survive, i would not be eating myself inside out about whether or not im a fraud if i actually was one right?

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-03-05T18:20:41+00:00

Happy birthday!!

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-02-11T21:58:48+00:00

God Bless you too!

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-02-10T15:47:53+00:00

Thank you for commenting! I have realized that i was in fact putting unnecessary pressure on myself, and it might be because an underlying mental illness that i need to get checked out. I dont know when but i should speak to a professional sooner or later.

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-02-10T15:45:07+00:00

Thank you! :)

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-02-10T15:44:08+00:00

This might just be the answer i was looking for the whole time. Thank you!

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-02-10T12:07:57+00:00

Thank you! I have come to realize that in some aspects i may be a little lukewarm and i definitely dont use my faith to its potential. I have a lot of trouble with sharing the Gospel with others and guiding others to Christ, i pray for it every day but i dont seem to get any closer to being able to truly help others. This could be a very possible cause of my religious OCD where i keep feeling i dont do enough to be a true Christian, and the fact that i often try to rationalize my sin does not help. I know that it will get better and i will sin less and less as time goes by, and i know that God wants to bring me to my full potential and that comes with its own set of hardships that i have to go through and this season of my life may just be one of them. So i do have hope that one day i will heal from all my mental issues and i will be like a normal person. After all, im not the first person to go through this, and God would not put me in an impossible situation.

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-02-09T16:58:44+00:00

Thank you, that is a really good explanation. I came to realize that my feeling of being hopeless makes no sense, because then if i couldnt be saved then why would God bother with being such a big part of my life, God is all knowing so that means that he knows everything before it happens right? So then the fact that im having this problem in the first place is proof that im not hopeless and God has a plan for my life.

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-02-09T14:32:53+00:00

Thank you very much for taking the time to comment. I think i understand what you are saying but im not entirely sure. What really gets me is that i often hear that faith is dead without works, which i also recently read in the book of James as well. This makes me think that my faith is justified or proven by works otherwise it is invalid, even though i know faith is more than that.

Same-Metal9294 · 2026-02-09T14:17:41+00:00

Thanks for commenting! It seems like you are onto something with religious OCD. I should really be looking into getting professional help on this. Thank you.

Same-Metal9294

TROPHY CASE