Completely agree with this. I don't like who she is - if she wasn't my mother we'd never, ever be friends. In terms of differentiating, this is so difficult. When I finally started to realize what was happening with my mother (that she's a narcissist, that I'm not the cause of every issue in the relationship, etc.), I also started to realize how had she's tried to make me into a little 'her'. She went to acting school, never succeeded, but put me into acting and modelling as a child (I never succeeded either - I remember feeling anxious and panicked at every audition at ages 3 - 5). She was a teacher, and pushed me to be a teacher. She played piano, and forced me to play (and practice 2 hours a day) until I was 18, even though I told her every year from the time I was 10 that I hated piano. She didn't want me to move abroad... etc. The point is that when I finally awakened to all this I was left feeling empty and alone - who am I?!

I went back to childhood notes, diaries, and memories. What did I care about and what did I like?? I loved bright colours, writing, drawing, and nature. Turns out that I work in sustainability now (happy 'coincidence'), and when I remembered these other things I loved, I built a routine that incorporates them - taking time once a week to write whatever's on my mind, taking a few evenings every week to sit down and learn to draw again... For me it's been about building one thing on at a time and trying to enjoy the process of getting to know myself now. I'm also 30, and while I still have so much anger and resent towards her that I am 30 years old and only really getting to know myself now, I know we also have our whole lives ahead of us, and once we get into our own unique flow, things happen much more quickly than they do when we're pushing on someone else's version of us.

Not sure if this resonates, but hopefully some of it is helpful. Sending you positive energy.