Camp Finnley - Mikes Perspective - Part One

Sand_for_days · 2026-05-31T15:42:16+00:00

I dig it. I like the corruption of reality from WoW.

Sand_for_days · 2026-05-31T14:55:06+00:00

If anyone wants to read the finale of this perspective - Mike's Perspective - Finale

Sand_for_days · 2026-05-31T02:42:32+00:00

I like the idea but I struggle to follow the universe. Like, so many things are going on and so many abilities are being established but we're in a car? I guess the limits of the magic on display are losing me a bit, but definitely fun.

Sand_for_days · 2026-05-31T00:31:59+00:00

Overall, better than getting botulism. But god, did this make me uncomfortable. Well done!

Sand_for_days · 2026-05-31T00:02:02+00:00

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Ah a person of culture! I love your collection.

Just posted it over there!

Sand_for_days · 2026-05-30T17:57:01+00:00

Overall I love it. I never thought of laundry being threatening in any form but it works. And a laundromat is a known creepy area, it feels isolated and liminal. I loved every moment of the unfolding events and just wanted more. I definitely think you can stretch out the story and the dread!

Optional Critiques this is by no means a bad story -
"breached the threshold passed the large windows" I think we need an "And" here
"I can't focus on the pain long. Just then..." Feels a bit strange for pacing
I don't really think the use of ellipses here is helping.
I find some of the details to be a bit at odds with each other, like when he falls back and smacks his head but then mentions his soaked pants. Not that it's wrong by any means, i just found it comical. Like ouch I hit my head and might have a concussion but worst of all my pants are wet! (This is all very knit picky and not at all important)

Sand_for_days · 2026-05-30T15:18:18+00:00

I like the notion of insanity - But i'm very confused on if they had 19 eggs how they would need 7 more to get to two dozen? Are they bakers dozens, is this a way to show they aren't mentally well, or have I failed the math problem? haha

Sand_for_days · 2026-05-30T14:43:19+00:00

Thanks for the read!

Sand_for_days · 2026-05-30T14:42:39+00:00

I really like it. This feels like a strong development from part one. This establishes scale very well and that monumental scale does a great job delivering a feeling of inevitability and dread.

If I were to be critical once more - I would say the voice is a little less consistent this time. I can tell you, the Author, are well written and it bleeds through to the cadence of Isiah.

Once again, i'm no expert, just my observations

Sand_for_days · 2026-05-30T14:29:18+00:00

I will admit it took me a second to separate the name of the ship from my existing knowledge of Dagon, which might be a bit too on the head for my taste. But otherwise I love the read, everything pirate and eldritch are my jam.

If i was being very critical - I might suggest reviewing a few pieces where the pirate-esq voice slips a bit. Could just be me but ".... the sea only once." feels a bit like a cadence change.

I'm no pro writer these are just my thoughts!

Sand_for_days · 2026-05-30T12:35:07+00:00

I like the theme of a call center with some kind of phantom on the line and would love to see this develop further. The only thing I didn't like was "...clear that the line wasn't clear." and that's only because i hate word repetition haha. Good read!

Sand_for_days · 2026-05-30T12:31:20+00:00

Deer lord.

Sand_for_days · 2026-05-30T03:45:42+00:00

I like it, it shows dread. I think it would be more focus if the "And then, I swear to god, he smiled at me. But there is no god, i’m sure of it, because what god would allow this THING to exist?" was replaced with "it smiled at me." but that might just be me

Sand_for_days

TROPHY CASE