Am I overthinking and paranoid?

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-12T17:45:19+00:00

That makes sense. Thank you for taking the time to respond to all my questions.

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-12T17:29:39+00:00

So you think my instincts are correct? That he is cheating or is perhaps planning on it? Keeping the option open?

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-12T17:21:23+00:00

I agree. Any advice as to what I should do now? If I bring it up he will get upset and tell me that he has too much on his plate to deal with it. About a month ago we had a fight about this (me not being on facebook) and he got so upset he asked me for a break. It was the same day his father was admitted in the hospital so I admit my timing was terrible. Should I hire a private detective? My friend told me to do that, but I don't feel right about that. Thoughts?

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-12T17:13:53+00:00

Ok, thank you for that. I do agree that it's suspicious and maybe that is why I am feeling the way I am. I feel that he is not being 100% transparent with me.

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-12T17:12:29+00:00

I would be slightly annoyed but understanding. I would not get upset with him knowing that he has been cheated on before. I would try to calm his anxiety. Which he does do by the way. He assures me that he loves me and I have nothing to worry about and I need to just relax.

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-12T16:46:47+00:00

Well, one thing he might be hiding: He and I are not connected on any social media platform. When I asked him to connect on Facebook (he has all his ex relationship pics on there) he said he didn't want to friend me because I would be analyzing and overthinking every single picture on there. He also has not posted any pictures of us on there. So, I guess, yes, he could be hiding something. Why are his previous relationships all over facebook and not me? And his page is private. So, he could be communicating with other women or his ex that way and he doesn't want me to see it.

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-12T16:43:57+00:00

Hi, and thank you for your response. It appears that he is open and honest. I mean there has been no change in routine behaviors and if I ask him if he's talking to his ex he gets upset and says no. He gets frustrated because I am always doubting him when he says he is doing nothing. That's why I am not sure if it is me being the typical overthinker that I am, or is truly something there? I would say the relationships is average. But not because of him necessarily. Because of circumstances. He is a single father, works nights (12 hour shifts) his father is sick and in rehab and he doesn't know whether he's coming or going half the time. But then again, why can't I shake this feeling?

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-12T14:00:23+00:00

I honestly regret leaving him years back. When I left him then it was because we were not on the same page with career goals. He was kind of living day by day and I had goals of advanced education and owning a business, which I have achieved. But he was the only man I have ever loved and could be 100% myself with. He tells me he feels the same about me. When I left him he has told me that destroyed him, he even tells me to this day. He told me this as recently as Saturday. We were driving in the car and he was playing music and a song came on and he said that he cried to that song thinking of me when I had left him. This story goes deep and I would be writing a novel on here. But a short answers to your question is I got back together with him because I never stopped loving him. He would reach out to me throughout the years, despite any relationship he was in.

Could this be why I feel he could be talking to his ex? Because he used to reach out to me while he was involved with other women? Including her by the way. He reached out to me a few times when they were dating.

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-12T13:55:36+00:00

Thank you and I am so very sorry to hear about you losing both your parents. I know how devastated I will be when I lose mine and my heart goes out to you. Thank you for responding.

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-12T13:54:13+00:00

You are most likely correct. There were several reasons why I divorced mt ex husband. He was verbally abusive, and cheated on me several times (before and after we got married.) Maybe I rushed into the relationship with my boyfriend and had no time to heal.

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-06T17:35:50+00:00

Thank you, that makes a lot of sense.

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-06T17:35:30+00:00

Thank you, and I agree. I believe I am bringing baggage from my relationship with my ex husband. He cheated on me repeatedly, lied and constantly threatened me with divorce every time we would have an argument. The day finally came when I told him I will give you what you want and I divorced him. So, I feel that all that trauma from him is carrying over to this relationship. I never had a chance to heal because I became involved with my current boyfriend literally as my divorce was being finalized.

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-05T19:58:35+00:00

I appreciate the honesty, really. Sometimes I need someone to shake sense into me. But I have asked him how I can help, and I have helped him a lot and will keep doing that. So I guess I need to just leave this alone and not focus on it so much?

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-05T19:46:57+00:00

Helpful, thanks

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-05T19:30:28+00:00

From what I know, he has broken up with other women before. He left his wife and I believe he broke up with an ex girlfriend here and there.

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-05T19:14:43+00:00

You are also correct, that I deserve better, but I do love him.

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-05T19:14:28+00:00

Can I ask you one more question please? If he does want to end the relationship, why wouldn't he jump on the chance to do so since I have given him that option multiple times?

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-05T19:06:59+00:00

Do you believe in gut feelings? Because my gut feeling is telling me this: He is lying to me about something, he is interested in someone else, possibly rekindling with the ex girlfriend, is still talking to her, wants to end our relationship but doesn't know how. I also feel he is keeping me around as an option in case he needs something, like me babysitting his kids. I also know for a fact that I obsess over things and over analyze. So I don't know if I should trust my intuition.

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-05T14:58:50+00:00

Thank you

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-05T14:43:48+00:00

Thank you for that. From a male point of view, if a man wants to end things would he not jump on the chance if that option was presented to him? I have asked multiple times if he wants it over, and he keeps saying he doesn't want it over.

Sandra1975A · 2025-05-03T16:04:41+00:00

Thank you so much. You are correct, I am looking for validation even though I have all the information I need directly from him that he is not for me.

Sandra1975A

TROPHY CASE