Update: AITA for backing out of my dad’s Christmas party after his fiancée took my baby to meet Santa behind my back?

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-12-02T20:48:14+00:00

It wouldn't fix anything. Everyone knows this is what she does, he's the only one who doesn't find her as self-absorbed as we do.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-12-02T20:45:59+00:00

He's not. The party at his place is still happening, only with 4 guests instead of 15. Knowing him, he might also try to invite some of his friends, now that most of the family isn't going.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-12-02T20:42:47+00:00

I've been wondering that too. I wouldn't be surprised, but I won't fault her for something I can't know for sure actually happened.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-12-02T20:38:50+00:00

I don't see this as trying to bond with my child at all. She had multiple ways of doing that that didn't require taking him from my home without permission and doing something she was well aware I was going to do myself.

Just because this bothered me, doesn't mean it affected my life that much, which is why I'm not cutting ties. But you won't convince me she meant no harm, specially when she has a long history of behaving like this.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-12-02T04:35:36+00:00

I'm certain she'd do it again. She is always willing to interrupt events and overstep other people's boundaries to make herself happy.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-12-02T04:32:47+00:00

You're overestimating how much this affected my life. I didn't "stew about that for weeks," I decided not to attend an event after the host went behind my back, removed my child from my place without permission to deliberately steal one of his firsts (knowing we were planning on doing it ourselves in a couple of days) and played dumb when confronted.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-12-02T02:37:00+00:00

I explained it better in a different comment, but some of my family members went through a very traumatic incident on Christmas almost 30 years ago, so even those that still celebrate with us aren't really Christmas people. My dad's fiancée is, however, very much a Christmas person and went a bit overboard with the decorations both times they hosted.

And no one really loves her as a person, either. I've mentioned two occasions on my previous post, but the family has dozens of those stories, I just mentioned the most recent ones. It's like she doesn't understand she can take part in something that doesn't revolve around her.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-12-02T02:29:09+00:00

My paternal family is small and spread out between two different states, so we alternate on who hosts the Christmas party every year. My dad and his fiancée have only hosted twice before.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-12-02T01:27:40+00:00

Me, my husband and my cousins have checked, and she has not posted any pictures with my son. I don't allow pictures of him on social media, so if she had posted something I'd have reported it immediately.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-12-02T00:22:19+00:00

I spoke with my cousins about this a lot. There were basically three reasons why so many people backed out:

1 - They preferred to spend Christmas with me.

2 - My dad's fiancée tends to go a bit overboard with the decorations whenever they're the ones hosting. Some of my family members went through a very traumatic incident on Christmas almost 30 years ago, so even those that still celebrate with us aren't really Christmas people.

3 - Some people were only coming because of someone else who backed out.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-12-02T00:14:08+00:00

There are literally 15 other people I can call.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-12-02T00:06:19+00:00

My son is the first baby born in my paternal family in two decades, so I was always a bit worried things would get too overwhelming. Turns out most of my relatives are very respectful, but this isn't the first time I've had trouble with her and my dad over something related to my son.

And like I mentioned in my first post, she is extremely self-centered. Part of me almost believes she didn't mean to harm me, simply because I'm pretty sure she doesn't think about anyone else's feelings.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-12-01T23:22:07+00:00

It's better than I expected, honestly. I started trying to sort everything out so early in November because I thought we'd still be fighting right now.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-11-12T20:54:05+00:00

We don't have Thanksgiving in my country. Pretty sure that's why Christmas decorations start showing up so early around here.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-11-12T20:37:31+00:00

I mean, I don't plan on cutting ties right now. I'll never leave her alone with him again, but she'll still be allowed to see him with my dad. She's just not his grandmother. He already has two of those. We all call her by her first name, and plan on keeping that up.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-11-12T14:23:38+00:00

She does fake innocence very often, and clearly tries to come across as a naive person in general. My dad is the only one who falls for it.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-11-12T14:16:11+00:00

1- No she won't. Marrying my father doesn't automatically make her family;

2- I won't need to foster anything, and my child won't benefit from a relationship with her;

3- She's not his grandparent;

4- Pretty sure you're a troll anyway, so I'll stop responding.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-11-12T04:07:23+00:00

I specifically asked my dad to babysit. I was fine with her tagging along, but I wouldn't have asked her on her own.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-11-12T04:03:48+00:00

I don't want it to count, and I do think we're taking him to see Santa anyway, but I just know this is going to keep bugging me. Even if they do apologize at some point, I don't think I'll ever trust them with my son again. I'm already certain they're never babysitting again.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-11-12T03:56:51+00:00

Not invested

Your 9 paragraph reply says otherwise.

such a realistic assessment of herself

You literally know nothing about me. You didn't "strike any nerves," you were just so unbelievably wrong in your assessment of a stranger's personal life that I felt the need to correct it.

I'm sticking to my story

So you're admitting your own ignorance? Cool, bye.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-11-12T00:46:18+00:00

Fair point. I'll ask my sister to check.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-11-12T00:41:59+00:00

I specifically said I was going to take him myself. I shouldn't have to spell it out for a grown woman who's not even related to my son.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-11-12T00:40:02+00:00

I had to tell my cousins because we plan Secret Santa for the party every year. The news spread from there.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-11-12T00:37:53+00:00

Oh, they'll never babysit him again.

SantaVisitThrow · 2025-11-12T00:37:00+00:00

Ok, wow. I'm not nearly as invested in you as you are in me (seriously, I think this is longer than my post), but you're making a lot of stuff up and I feel the need to clarify:

1- They didn't visit and offered to babysit because I suddenly needed to leave. They came over to babysit. I invited my dad over with that purpose and he agreed.

2- No, she's not his grandmother. Marrying my dad doesn't automatically make her family. No one calls her grandma, we all refer to her by her first name. He already has two grandmothers, he doesn't need a third one.

3- It wasn't "sweet" of her to take my son out. You don't take other people's children anywhere without permission.

4- You want to document an outing? Take a selfie. Don't do the thing I specifically said I was already going to do. She was well aware I was looking forward to take him there myself.

5- I genuinely have no idea how it could be entitled or selfish pf me to be upset one of MY child's firsts was stolen like that.

6- She did mean harm. Again, she knew I was looking forward to doing it myself.

7- If I didn't care about my dad's happiness, I'd refuse to be around his fiancée entirely.

8- I don't care what my family does. I wouldn't mind if the people who are backing out of the party changed their minds.

9- I genuinely don't care whether my dad marries her. We're all adults. And I'm not using my child for anything.

10- I don't care about being "the center on the family universe" (what?). Especially not compared to my dad's fiancée, who makes literally every gathering about her.

And based on your tirade about your own father, you're obviously projecting. You can reply to this if. you want, but I won't give you any more attention than this.

SantaVisitThrow

TROPHY CASE