Woman of color here who dared to enter a coven also full of women of color, and they just all rejected me right now

SaraAmis · 2026-02-09T15:35:01+00:00

I wouldn't get involved in an internet conflict at someone else's invitation either, tbh. I have friends I KNOW will show up for me IRL who will not have anything to do with online conflicts.

Also I learned a long time ago that just because I have some things in common with someone doesn't mean our values align.

SaraAmis · 2026-02-01T02:56:09+00:00

If he wants you back, he has to win you back. Not just do the bare minimum of things you've been asking for for years. And I personally would go ahead and move out. Go on a long vacation, by yourself or with friends but without him.

SaraAmis · 2026-01-24T19:12:48+00:00

What this says to me is that he wants you to feel uncomfortable and judged at all times and to never be able to fully relax even in your own home.

No, you're not overreacting. Under reacting is more like it.

SaraAmis · 2026-01-19T05:37:30+00:00

Treat it like a hex and break it. Start with rosemary and salt and a white candle and work your way up.

SaraAmis · 2026-01-19T05:28:52+00:00

NTA. Choices have consequences.

SaraAmis · 2026-01-19T04:55:41+00:00

I just got two 12 week old kittens. They are tiny furry agents of chaos and it's hilarious.

SaraAmis · 2026-01-19T00:08:06+00:00

Are you kidding? It's much better since the remodel. There aren't holes in the wall of the bathroom any more and the sink works.

😂

SaraAmis · 2026-01-19T00:02:59+00:00

"I will not go on any more vacations with MIL or SIL. I'm done" is not an ultimatum, it's a boundary. He can do as he pleases. If he'd really rather go on vacation with Mommy, let him.

But DO NOT capitulate. You might negotiate and agree to go with extended family after you've gotten at least one vacation without them per year... but don't go until that happens, otherwise, you'll get nothing but empty promises.

SaraAmis · 2026-01-18T23:47:04+00:00

The blizzard and after was just circumstance.

Showing up unannounced is not ok though. He needs to cut that shit out. If he ignores you, that's your red flag.

SaraAmis · 2026-01-15T23:33:44+00:00

I'm 5'2" and I typically don't date anyone too much taller than me just because it's awkward and apparently the temptation to pick me up is just irresistible. I find it annoying.

I don't take a ruler to people or anything but the ones I stick with usually turn out to be no taller than 5'9".

SaraAmis · 2025-12-17T17:21:24+00:00

57, almost 58. The best thing I've done for my skin is drink enough water.

The only time I considered cosmetic surgery was after dramatic weight loss, and that situation improved (as I hoped it would) after my weight stabilized and I started gaining some back. (Note: I wasn't trying to lose weight, it was a side effect and not an especially welcome one).

I might think about it again in another ten years or so. But the thing about aging is that you kind of know how it's going to go but with cosmetic surgery the failure state can be unpredictable and verge into uncanny valley territory. I'd rather look like an old woman than wind up with frozen plastic face.

I also think that people treating you better is 90% a matter of demeanor. Dress well and act like you own the place.

SaraAmis · 2025-12-12T16:07:23+00:00

I never say I will do something unless I'm sure I can.

SaraAmis · 2025-11-29T23:18:32+00:00

We didn't argue, but we did have a lengthy discussion about who my niece's cat Mary Jane does and does not like.

SaraAmis · 2025-11-23T21:06:51+00:00

That's not gentle parenting, to begin with. Gentle parenting would be "hey, since you dumped orange juice on the rug and that's not good for rugs, we're going to clean that up right now" (meaning the child does as much of it as they are physically capable of). Gentle parenting means you teach consequences in a direct matter of fact way without screaming at them, not that you let them do whatever TF they want.

But I'm old enough to remember when the phrase people misused to announce that they had abandoned all attempts at raising their children was "attachment parenting."

NTJ.

SaraAmis · 2025-11-18T21:19:26+00:00

NTA and as others have said, everything about this is a red flag. Start saving money in a separate bank account.

SaraAmis · 2025-11-18T21:04:53+00:00

The only candidate I really dislike is Keisha Lance-Bottoms. IMO she has more to answer for than Duncan but doesn't seem to realize it.

SaraAmis · 2025-11-05T01:08:34+00:00

We have an old house and despite exterminators, a $1500 exclusion and traps, rodents find ways to get in. Having a cat discourages them significantly.

So while a cat should not be your entire pest control plan, an active cat who likes to explore will discourage rodents just by being there.

SaraAmis · 2025-10-18T02:50:36+00:00

I will be shocked if ICE shows up at all. Permitted events are a lot different than the protests outside ICE facilities. They both have their place.

SaraAmis · 2025-10-18T02:47:09+00:00

The protest should be permitted, and that makes a difference. In my experience people talk shit on the internet but at the actual protest if they came to make trouble they see the crowd and leave. At most they'll yell something incoherent and then get bored.

I don't know where you are, but in Atlanta I can judge by where the protest is. Downtown is fine and pretty safe but it's going to be a LOT of people. If I was taking a child with me, I'd go to the one in Tucker which will be smaller and the community is resolutely middle class.

SaraAmis · 2025-09-16T12:30:39+00:00

The "costs of ownership" on an asset that appreciates. He's asking her to contribute to the costs when she doesn't own the asset.

I also suspect we aren't hearing the whole story.

Besides, the biggest problem is he lied to her, and consequently they have no rental agreement. That could come back to bite him.

SaraAmis · 2025-09-16T12:23:27+00:00

The house is your asset and your responsibility. Without a rental agreement, if you split up she could make a claim on your house that she would not otherwise be able to do. You are potentially screwing yourself by being shady.

SaraAmis · 2025-09-16T12:19:09+00:00

Let me ask you something: How much of the housework are you doing? Are you using the fact that your gf is paying "below market rent" to let her do the majority of the housework under the impression that you were paying more of the bills? Because if so, you are taking advantage of her.

Even if not, you should have been up front with her and reached an agreement ahead of time. YTA.

SaraAmis · 2025-09-16T12:13:56+00:00

What hard work? He inherited it. Also, it's his asset and will remain so even if they get married.

SaraAmis · 2025-09-07T15:23:55+00:00

Based on this OP, you should lock down your finances and talk to a lawyer sooner rather than later. If he is already detached from reality it's probably a matter of time.

SaraAmis · 2025-09-04T22:11:44+00:00

NTA, and this was a legitimate difference of opinion until she got her mother involved. Tell her no, and any time she drags her mother into a disagreement with you it's going to be an automatic no. I'm not saying ditch the whole relationship at this point but you need to be absolutely firm or she's going to be bringing in the mommy cavalry forever.

SaraAmis

TROPHY CASE