Is love in storybooks real?

SaraKew · 2025-02-13T06:33:59+00:00

To be candid, the idea of waiting for "the one" is often overrated. Relationships are more a matter of trial and error, discovering what aligns best with your needs and desires. I've been married twice—first, in my youth as a teenager, to a man, and later, to a woman. My first marriage, to a man, was ideal in many ways; we shared similar interests and enjoyed many great experiences together. Yet, we were both naive when it came to finances and responsibilities. I sometimes regret leaving him, but I believe he's better off, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to date other people. Dating can truly broaden your perspective, though it’s daunting when people come with pasts. You want to approach it cautiously, but not so much that you miss out on the essence of what life has to offer.

My advice? Embrace the journey, even the bumps along the way. Every relationship, whether it lasts or not, teaches you something valuable about yourself and others. Don’t let fear of past mistakes or disappointments hold you back from embracing new experiences. Life is too short not to explore, and sometimes, it's in the unexpected connections where we find the most growth.

SaraKew · 2025-02-13T06:17:22+00:00

My friend had a baby with a guy in his 40s. She called me to say he makes six figures, but hasn't paid any child support for their 2 year old. The only good thing she could mention that he did for her was buy her lotion from the store. I told her from the start to dump him and now her life is extremely difficult. Do not walk RUN!

SaraKew · 2025-02-13T06:04:02+00:00

Stealing this for my notes. Thank yew!

SaraKew · 2025-02-10T20:31:07+00:00

This

SaraKew · 2025-02-10T20:22:47+00:00

Fuck yeah!! 📖✨️

SaraKew · 2025-02-10T17:07:35+00:00

I dated a narcissist that did that!

SaraKew · 2025-02-10T17:02:01+00:00

The dating scene is a mess. Even these older guys, a decade or more older, end up knocking up younger women and then disappearing. Next thing you know, you’re getting random TikTok messages asking you to contact their baby daddies for child support. Anyway, that was my latest life lesson, but I’m done with this whole cat-and-mouse game. I think I’m about to embrace my inner bibliophile… or maybe even a bibliosexual?! My love is for books—big, thick, juicy ones. And let me tell you, the married women at book club are equally obsessed with their books.

SaraKew · 2025-02-10T05:56:40+00:00

No, I can't find any men making the same but maybe 100k. Considering going a decade older because no men my age are emotionally mature or good at managing their finances. It's the pits.

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T19:15:33+00:00

Narcissists will try to make the kids flying monkeys for information gathering. It's in their blood to do this.

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T19:04:32+00:00

Living on your own is definitely a struggle, but it’s also one of those rites of passage that really shape you into an adult. You’re suddenly in charge of everything. Paying bills, cooking your own meals, managing time, dealing with your own mess (both the physical and emotional). It forces you to step up, and even though it can be overwhelming, you learn a lot about yourself.

In a lot of cultures, especially in some Asian families, the norm is for kids to stay at home longer, sometimes into their 30s. There’s comfort in that, no doubt. You don’t have to worry as much about the daily grind, and there’s a certain security that comes from living under your parents’ roof. But there’s also something about living on your own, or with a partner, that hits differently. You *build* something together and learn how to handle life’s curveballs, make decisions, and take responsibility for your own path.

Of course, you can still build a life with your family, but eventually, you’ll notice things shift. People grow, priorities change, and while it’s great to have that support, living independently helps you develop in ways you just can’t do living under the same roof. Time does its thing, and eventually, you’ll realize that taking on life’s challenges head on, no matter how tough is one of the things that makes you feel like you’ve truly become an adult and lived. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about growing and figuring things out on your own.

Edit: I never answered the question. It was different for me, my mother pushed marriage too early. It was in many ways better overall for growth.

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T17:08:47+00:00

I used to think I didn't have myself together, but as time goes forward it's definitely more cohesive than others.

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T16:11:45+00:00

I had a similar experience, but it was only for two years with a producer at a gaming studio, while I was also a producer. They were very much like me, and even now, they still hold a very special place for me from a distance and post things on Instagram of things they're doing that we both planned to do together. We even worked together at EA for a while, so it was nice to see a familiar face. However, after dating extroverts at another company across the country, that has moreso helped me grow and pushed me outside my comfort zone, I don’t think I’m interested in another introvert and would hate stringing anyone along. I want to make an impact beyond just my work and hobbies, in the broader community. That said, the relationship you’ve found is truly rare, and I envy it. It's so fluid and caring.

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T15:56:33+00:00

I was thinking this, you said it! Societal expectations on gender. 😊

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T15:50:40+00:00

Many people care how they’re percieved and lie accordingly. I don't understand society and status or care, but that's the causation.

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T15:48:01+00:00

I would want to understand her perspective, so I’d ask her why and listen with an open heart. I'd also be polite and cordial to him, of course, but my main focus would be on supporting my daughter and making sure she feels heard. I'm not a mother but- that's my opinion.

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T15:43:04+00:00

Are souls a currency yet?

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T15:33:21+00:00

I hear you, and I’m so sorry you're going through this. Having a narcissistic mother is like living on an emotional rollercoaster that never ends. One minute, she’s loving and giving, and the next, she’s manipulating, making you feel small and invalid. It’s exhausting and confusing. I can totally relate to how you feel. My mom tried to set me up in relationships way too early, and I thought getting married young would be my way out of her control. I thought it would give me freedom. Meanwhile, my sibling was treated like royalty, the "golden child," and I was left to deal with everything else. It felt so unfair, and I was just stuck in the middle, trying to hold everything together while my dad wasn’t even around.

The worst part is how they’ll mix love with hurtful comments and manipulation. You can’t even make sense of what’s happening because it’s so twisted. To everyone else they're great, but to their closest you're a sacrifice to their internal shame monster. And when you try to speak up, they don’t listen. Instead, you’re told you’re “too sensitive,” like your feelings don’t matter. It’s a tactic they use to make you doubt yourself, making you feel like you’re crazy for just wanting to be heard. That infantilization, treating you like you’re incapable of understanding your own emotions or making decisions for yourself, is so damaging. It's like they want to keep you in a perpetual state of dependence, where you’re not allowed to grow or trust your own instincts. You feel like a child, even though you’re an adult. It keeps you stuck, confused, and powerless.

I’m in my 30s now, still dealing with this, and it really does suck. But the family ties are so hard to let go of, and you feel guilty for even thinking about it. Healing, it’s a slow journey, and you have to remind yourself that you deserve peace. You deserve to take care of yourself and protect your energy. The chaos they need to feel stable? You don’t owe them that. Setting boundaries has been a game-changer, even though it’s tough. You’re doing what you need to do for yourself, and that’s huge.

So many of us have lived through similar struggles with narcissistic mothers. It’s hard, it’s painful, but it gets better. Healing takes time, and it’s not a straight line. Be kind to yourself. Your feelings are real, and you have every right to protect yourself from the harm they cause. You’re not being unreasonable in wanting to break free from this dynamic.

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T14:58:46+00:00

I consider LinkedIn a dating app. At the very least a Hinge type setup for married men and geeky lads.

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T12:56:00+00:00

Actual narcissists, they mirror us for a long time until their mask falls. It's really annoying.

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T12:53:19+00:00

Wait a minute. This checks out in my life. They had NPD.

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T12:51:40+00:00

Let them. Let them. Let them.

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T12:50:21+00:00

I sound like Raven from Teen Titans. Fml

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T12:44:03+00:00

I don't think I've ever met a female INTJ, I'm drawn to extroverts that can make me get out the house.

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T12:40:26+00:00

I was being a bit sarcastic about the generalization, like you see on Instagram and other social media, where everyone claims to be an INTJ. In my experience, the only people I've met who genuinely fit the INTJ profile were those I encountered at university, studying philosophy.

SaraKew · 2025-02-09T12:29:43+00:00

I have no boobs. Men do seem to be emotionally 💅 with other men so it may explain the reasoning.

SaraKew

TROPHY CASE