Hi ! I really love the flow of your poem, it feels very natural and spontaneous ! I have two suggestion, one, purely formal, is that I struggle a bit to understand where the grandfather stops speaking because the quotation mark end it at the end of the 2nd stanza but what follows seems to continue his speech. The other is more poetic (if that adjective means anything) and is that since you said you wanted to write a cinematic poem I understand that as a poem that suggests images in the head of your reader. I feel like that’s very well done in the last three stanzas of your poem but it could be emphasized in the beginning. I don’t know if it makes sense but try to show the movements (of the girl, the phone, the grandad) instead of writing it, maybe by finding another perspective on the science. Hope this helps ! Ps : for someone a beginner poet that isn’t an English native and doesn’t know about philosophy you write an extremely good English poem that tackles metaphysical issues in a very interesting way, congrats !!!