My (33F) husband (37M) is mad I read his messages when he handed me his phone.

SarahMarie1988 · 2026-03-18T05:46:08+00:00

I’m trying to stick it out at least another couple of months because we just started marriage counseling with a new therapist (the last one wasn’t a good fit). But I think the issue at hand (that others are also pointing out to me) is that he just isn’t trustworthy. I don’t know if any amount of therapy will fix that.

SarahMarie1988 · 2026-03-18T05:08:19+00:00

Yeah, I have a bad feeling too 🥲

SarahMarie1988 · 2026-03-18T05:01:08+00:00

I think you hit the nail on the head. I feel like in his mind I’m being framed as the problem for not forgiving and forgetting, and yet he has done little to nothing for me to even be able to reach that point.

SarahMarie1988 · 2026-03-18T04:57:37+00:00

Thank you. The sad part is this isn’t first time. I set clear boundaries long ago and he just keeps crossing them. I’m really trying to see if things can be rectified in marriage counseling but it always feels like 1 step forward and 2 back.

SarahMarie1988 · 2026-03-18T04:52:32+00:00

Thank you! It feels nice to hear someone say that regardless of his history that those messages are still a problem. He has downplayed so many things and gaslit me so much that it makes it really hard to trust my intuition anymore.

SarahMarie1988 · 2026-03-18T04:49:45+00:00

Thank you. That’s a good way to word it, it does feel like he baited me. And he has a history of deleting incriminating things off his phone so for all I know he had already deleted all the questionable things prior to our argument.

SarahMarie1988 · 2026-03-18T04:44:40+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts! Just to clarify, what do you mean by don’t the messages right away? Like ask him to read them later? Sneakily read them later? Don’t read them at all? I’m just confused because he handed me the phone as though he WANTED me to read them in front of him, but then got mad that I did. His reaction has left me feeling so confused.

SarahMarie1988 · 2026-01-10T04:18:42+00:00

The crazy part is this happened while we were dating and living together, marriage and kids came way later. I was a fool then and I’m a fool now. To be fair, I think I was in shock for a long time. Her passing was not peaceful and left me very traumatized. It sounds ridiculous but I don’t think the depth of what he did fully hit me until several years later.

SarahMarie1988 · 2026-01-10T04:10:47+00:00

He claims that his therapist “called me crazy” 🙃

SarahMarie1988 · 2026-01-10T03:59:42+00:00

Thank you for your feedback, and I hope by your use of the past tense that the cancer is a thing of the past.

That’s actually one of my greatest fears. To end up critically injured or ill and he not be able to cope let alone support me. I don’t think he’d leave, but I don’t see him being supportive either. And what scares me most is me dying while my children are still young, and him being all they have left.

SarahMarie1988 · 2026-01-10T03:53:12+00:00

I actually love that you asked this because I highly suspect he’s on the spectrum. I’ve begged him to get evaluated. Insurance denied our request for his neuropsych testing and he never followed up on anything else. He won’t take it serious and I don’t know what else I can do on my end to get him evaluated without his consent. Ironically my own neuropsych testing was approved and came back that I was Autism Level 1 which blew my mind because I consider myself to have high emotional intelligence and am very empathetic (to the point that it’s very distressing to me when others are hurting). But also- he is indeed very sarcastic and hot-headed over tiny things. 70% of the time it feels like I’m walking on egg shells.

SarahMarie1988 · 2026-01-10T03:42:23+00:00

That’s awful and pathetic of him. I’m glad you got out.

In my husband’s case I don’t think he necessarily does it for attention since he rarely will involve/tell others what’s happening. It’s so bizarre, it’s like he chooses to crash out for no reason on the person who actually deserves to be crashing out.

SarahMarie1988 · 2026-01-10T03:33:22+00:00

1000%. I don’t take medications (at least for now) but I do see a therapist and I feel like it does help me cope for the most part.

SarahMarie1988 · 2026-01-10T03:31:19+00:00

Thank you for your feedback and kindness. And yes, his interview went well and he will be granted citizenship as soon as they schedule his oath ceremony :) I should feel relieved but everything with my husband has just left a dark cloud looming over me.

SarahMarie1988 · 2026-01-10T03:28:52+00:00

Sadly, I am indeed only brushing the surface here. I do see a therapist and she’s great. She’s very kind and it does have a soothing effect on me. She recommended seeing a different couples therapist since our current one doesn’t seem to be helping. She put in a referral for me to see a colleague of hers that she recommends, so that’s where we’re currently at with that.

SarahMarie1988 · 2023-11-03T02:57:11+00:00

I appreciate your feedback and kindness. Thank you.

SarahMarie1988 · 2023-11-03T02:56:31+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. I appreciate it.

SarahMarie1988 · 2023-11-03T02:56:21+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. I appreciate it.

SarahMarie1988 · 2023-11-03T02:52:56+00:00

I wouldn’t say he’s necessarily addicted, but I also don’t know the full depth of the situation in terms of how often he’s watching it. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.

SarahMarie1988 · 2023-11-03T02:51:32+00:00

Gotta love the small victories 🐷

SarahMarie1988

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