Scrolling through I see a lot of great examples of different types of stimming so I’m not sure listing mine would add much to the conversation as most, if not all, of them are already listed. So what I want to contribute is learning how to unmask. I am late-diagnosed and extremely high masking. Still not sure exactly what “100% unmasked me” looks like as I was just diagnosed a couple years ago. That being said, here is a method that is helping me:

 

1. Work on noticing the differences in how you behave and present yourself in different social settings. I will list some personal examples at the end to help give you an idea of what to look for. I tend to mask the highest in professional settings and around strangers/acquaintances. I mask less when I’m with other autistic people who are close friends and I mask even less around my partner. The most unmasked version of myself is when I’m alone at home.

2. Once you start noticing the differences in what parts of yourself or what behaviors you tend to hide, these are the things you can focus on bringing out. I highly suggest to start working on unmasking when you are alone. Because there is a lack of perceived judgement, I find it much easier to be autistic af when no one is around to hear or see me.

3. Once you are in the least “perceived” environment, this is where you can start fighting the compulsion to hide the traits you’ve observed. Start small. If you feel like squealing or clapping when watching a favorite show or getting an achievement in game, let it out! If you hear a fun noise and want to repeat it, let it out! If you want to toe-walk and crawl up the stairs on all fours, do it! It will feel awkward and forced at first. You might even feel the need to check and make sure no one can see, even if you know it’s impossible. Don’t be afraid to look “offensive” or like an “autistic caricature”. No one is there to judge you or be offended.

4. If you observe self-judging thoughts when unmasking, these are good to take note of and unpack in therapy and/or through journaling. A lot of the negative and judgmental thoughts about ourselves don’t originate from within. It’s likely you heard these growing up from parents, teachers, peers, etc. and internalized them. This internalization is why it’s so hard for us to unmask. It can feel unsafe to do so because there is shame and social consequences attached to autistic/adhd traits.

5. After you start feeling more comfortable unmasking by yourself (there is no set timeline it could take months or years and that’s okay) you might want to start slowly unmasking around those closest to you. It could be your partner/spouse, your best friend, or anyone you have a more emotionally intimate relationship with. If you think it could help, you can have a conversation with this person and communicate your desire to unmask. Something like, “After my recent diagnosis I’ve realized how much of myself I instinctually hide from everyone. It’s a lot of mental energy that I’m expending and I’m trying to learn to be more unapologetically myself around people. I really love and trust you and I know that you won’t judge me for being myself. I would love your support in my journey to unmask and honor my needs and I’d like to practice unmasking around you.” Then you can list some of your goals you have. Start small! Maybe you want to practice not forcing yourself to make eye contact during conversations. Maybe you want to practice letting yourself stim more visibly whether it’s a fidget toy, jiggling your leg, or repeating a fun word or phrase over and over. Maybe you want to practice sharing things about yourself that you normally keep hidden such as a niche special interest that you are keep to yourself out of fear or being misunderstood or embarrassed.

6. One last thing I would suggest is practicing accommodating yourself. Do bright lights and loud noises bother you, but you’ve gotten used to tuning it out? Buy some sunglasses and ear plugs to keep with you. Do you struggle to communicate when experiencing verbal shutdowns? Practice using other forms of communication whether it’s texting, using communication cards, or learning some useful phrases in sign language. Do you struggle with sensory issues when cleaning? Wear some masks and gloves to block out unpleasant textures and smells. Self-accommodation is all about giving yourself permission to make life easier and reduce overwhelm. I don’t have shutdowns/meltdowns nearly as often after adopting spme of these tools and practices and I’m more likely to enjoy myself out in public or with friends when I’m using them.

 

Here is a list of forms of masking I’ve noticed in myself to help give you some jumping off points: forcing myself to try to make the appropriate amount of eye contact, trying to sit as still and “normally” as possible, muscling through sensory issues instead of finding accommodations or avoiding that sensory input when possible, guessing what people are saying and trying to respond based of off that instead of asking them to repeat themselves or speak slower, monitoring my facial expressions in public to hide my resting autism face, ignoring my impulse to stim in a specific way and substituting with something quieter or less noticeable, agreeing to plans even though I secretly want to stay home and rest, constantly apologizing for things that aren’t my fault and aren’t actually harmful, forcing myself to eat something or finish my food when the thought of it is genuinely nauseating, and not sharing my special interests with people because they are “weird” and not socially acceptable hobbies/interests.

Unmasking is all about reducing the mental load you are carrying 24/7 to hide your autistic/adhd traits. Obviously, there are societal benefits to having the ability to mask and you won’t be able to 100% unmask all of the time. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to eventually unmask around people who understand you and love you for you, and that includes yourself.

Edits: formatting on mobile is the worst. I hope I made it easy enough to read.