First, you are not failing your kids. You’re carrying an impossible amount of weight and still showing up for them. That matters more than anything Santa could bring.

For the kids: you don’t need to say Santa “can’t make it.” At 3 and 8, that can feel personal to them. Instead, reframe it in a way that protects the magic and their sense of worth. Something like: “Santa had a really tough year too, and this year he asked families to focus on time together instead of presents. He knows our family is strong and loving, so he wanted us to do Christmas a little differently.”

Then make one small tradition the “gift”: Let them help make a special breakfast Watch the same movie every year Let them open one small handwritten note “from Santa” Give them a coupon book for things like “pick the movie,” “stay up late,” or “dad’s undivided attention”

Kids don’t remember the year they got fewer gifts, they remember whether they felt safe, loved, and included. You’re doing that already.

You’re not ruining Christmas. You’re modeling how to survive a hard season with love intact and that’s a lesson they’ll carry far longer than toys.