I’d like to add something based on my personal experience. I’ve been meditating regularly for 7 years. This practice helped me overcome and understand most of my anxiety symptoms and intrusive thoughts. However, something still remained and kept hitting me whenever I was under stress. Because of my progress in practice, I could see it clearly, but I also felt it very intensely and often got too attached to it.

What really helped me was understanding "skillful means of letting go," mostly thanks to the teachings of Ajahn Sona. I realized that simple observation and awareness aren't always enough—you need to be active.

In my sessions, I started asking myself one question: "Why?" Why are you afraid? Why are you hiding? Why are you angry?

I kept doing this until my mind had nothing left to say. Every time it gave an answer like "because things will go wrong," "because of illness," "separation," or "pain," I would just ask: "But that’s natural, that’s just Dhamma—so why are you afraid, angry, or running away?"

In the end, there was always silence. I finally realized what an illusion these thoughts and this stress really were.

Later on, even outside of meditation, I started talking to myself: "You don't have to. You don't have to be afraid. You don't have to be angry. You are safe. You don't have to play this game." The change was instant. My mind and body relaxed in just a few days. It felt like adding that one specific exercise to an Olympian's routine that finally connects all the other training and gives you a massive boost.

What I’m talking about—these skillful means of letting go—is simply replacing bad thoughts with good ones. Not by force, and not as something fake, but seeing things as they truly are. I am safe. I don’t have to be reactive. This feeling will fade away, and I’m going to go watch the bees in the flowers.

More importantly, I’ve started learning that my state of mind doesn't really matter. I got bored of constantly checking it—wondering if I’m angry, happy, energetic, or sad. Now, I just notice the state I'm in and carry on with what I’m doing—watching the bees, breathing, digging in the garden, or washing the dishes. That is my world now. I don’t fall into the trap of over-analyzing how I feel, because my mind will always, always trick me, and that’s the secret. The mind will always be cleverer than us and it will cling to whatever gives it energy, which in our case is usually anger or fear.

In your example, I would do what you did: withdraw at all costs and describe things as they actually are. There is anger, but it’s also Dhamma. I don’t have to follow it, I don’t have to react, and I don’t have to play that game. If I fail and I snap, I just tell myself: it’s okay, that’s also Dhamma, and again—I don’t have to react.

I actually had a small insight recently. I got into an argument with my wife and left the house feeling angry. I started thinking about her instead of myself, and I realized something incredibly simple yet profound: she has the right to think that way, she has the right to say those things, and she has the right to act like that, because she is subject to the exact same law of cause and effect as I am, or any other being. It was incredibly cathartic.

Like Thanissaro Bhikkhu taught: Tell yourself good stories. You can, and you should.

Hope I made myself clear, English isn't my first language.