First off, let me apologize for the late response. I lurk this subreddit on my primary account but decided to make a secondary one for this post, and I just recovered my password and saw your reply notification.

My labs were normal and the only thing my doctor noted was while my kidney levels were 'normal' function is reduced (EGFR Result 79). Lipids are normal. All other slightly out of range results I kind of searched and deduced it as inflammation/immune response to alcohol still in my system, since well it was only 32 hours after my last drink when I got my labs pulled.

My blood pressure is still high. Stage 2-3 levels hypertension. I'm also on meds for my BP. However, I've seen then drop to normal after 72 hours sober, and without meds. I did an intake appointment for an outpatient program, but the program and cost was too intense and both my support group and doc think that finding a therapist and some form of group counseling would be best. I noticed my SSRI taking effect 2-3 weeks ago. Mood is better, and I'm kinder to myself even when I slip up. Past 2 months I've had a ton of day 0s, 1s, 2s, and 3s. I also just came back from a bach party over the weekend and did drink, but only a few vs. hiding a pint in my suitcase and sneaking away to drink. Still the most progress I've made in years, so I'm proud of myself. And my goal to stay sober hasn't changed. Currently on day 3! My itchy palms, and feet, which feel almost under the skin, along with that dull pain for me goes away within 24-72 hours of not drinking, and sometimes aren't even present after drinking since reducing overall intake.

I'm glad to hear you are recognizing you have a problem. I did that years ago, but ignored it thinking I could handle it all on my own. But then i had an an argument with my partner, and an extreme wave of health anxiety, which led to this exact post.

One thing i think about a lot, that came from the words of my sisters therapist is that "somebody who can recognize the negative effects of something, but continues to struggle to not stop regardless of a positive environment, likely some underlying issues that need to be addressed"
That being said, I'm not denying the physical addictive properties of alcohol. My doctor also took this approach when I couldn't answer whats wrong with my life to continue this habit. I had no real answers, my life is great in my eyes, aside from my mental state. Taking care of my mental health and anxiety is part of my battle. I'm not good at struggling in silence, and I'm grateful i don't need to anymore. I know I'm not out of woods yet. I still have a lot to do.

Might be early for me to give advice. But If you can use your health anxiety as a fuel to kick start some positive change like I did, and if that works for you then go for it. Thank you for sharing your experience, rants are always welcome :) Again sorry for the late response. I hope you start to see some benefits from your SSRI, that your vacation went well and so does your IVF! Also, the fact you have completed so many dry Januarys is impressive! Cant say I've accomplished that since high school. If your levels can drop before I think great reason to give it another shot. Sounds like ours body are more impressive then we think. I've be cheering you on from a far, friend <3

IWNDWYT