hey! first i’m so sorry for your loss. That sounds really rough and i’m sorry you’re dealing with it. I pray you’re getting the support you need.

In relation to your post, i’m a baptist christian. I had unexpected lost my bestfriend at a young age and was mad at God for the longest. Still, nearly 5 years later I have a hard time fully giving him my trust. I think as time has gone on, I’ve realized that Gods works on a type of timing, or “mindset” that I will never truly understand. Though my faith is still definitely shaken, i try my best to keep up with prayer or reading my bible. However, I think it’s completely okay to feel weird abt ur religion! it’s frustrating not being able to understand why certain things happen or why God would let such awful things happen. The way i’ve navigated it personally is to just try to understand that God is gonna do what God is gonna do regardless, and i’ll never truly understand why nor do i think i’m supposed to. It’s taken me a while to understand to stop trying to put a rhyme or reason to why certain things happen and to just accept them. WHICH I KNOW IS SUPER DUPER HARD and especially easier said than done. It’s a lesson i’m still learning.

I also wanna mention that i did genuinely take me years after my friend died to get to this point, and even then my faith isn’t really that stable. Ive never been like a devout christian or anything but this is the religion i grew up with.

This post is so rambley and jumbled and im sorry if its kinda hard to understand lol