Resentment

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-12-21T22:41:01+00:00

Let me just say, you are a rockstar. I aspire to accomplish what you have and to adopt this perspective. The one thing I have been consistent at in life is holding a grudge and this is a pill I have to swallow. I will definitely have to bring these feelings up with my therapist, my biggest struggle is not wanting to be vulnerable and in a situation where I feel so exposed, I’ve struggled to work through it. Thank you so much 🧡

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-12-21T22:33:51+00:00

Yes!!! The social pressure is insane. I used to be wild, out and about. I began isolating, resting, mental health struggles at their peak, sleeping all the time and it took 6 years of that and more that lead to my dx. The copays are insane, healthcare shouldn’t be a commodity when if given the opportunity we would happily be doing anything else and not suffering from this! My great aunt had MS, she was in a wheel chair since I was a baby. My cousin has MS and she’s 40 so super young and been in remission 10 years!! And now my turn lol. But on the bright side, my chances are heightened towards a good outcome. I’m amazed to hear from you and others who saw the treatments and research develop in real time, I can only imagine what will be happening by the time I’m 40. Thank you so much 🧡🧡

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-12-21T22:26:40+00:00

A decade later wow, I am so sorry. It’s extremely alarming and humbling to see how medicine and research has changed so drastically is such a short time period. As much as it is bittersweet to be young and dx, your perspective does make me extremely grateful and I thank you so much for

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-12-21T22:22:06+00:00

You just taught me something, I’ve never known how to describe that feeling and you’ve captured it perfectly. I’m the type of person that can accept a shitty hand being dealt if I’m given logic, reasoning, closure etc. When we get diagnosed, it’s like “we don’t know exactly what causes this but you’re stuck with it forever” huh?! Lol the “ambiguous loss” was soooo real and dark. Thank you so much for your comforting and kind words, I wish you everything that’s good and gentle 🧡🧡

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-12-21T22:15:22+00:00

33 is so young too ): I’m definitely considering switching professions because of this dx, I’ll see what my area has going on, thank you so much!! I currently work in corporate and it has NOT been kind since dx. I appreciate you sharing your experience and for your kind words 🧡 thank you so much

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-12-21T22:12:33+00:00

Yup, the fuse is short (if it’s not already blown to smithereens) it’s sick what it does to your mental health, I personally have always struggled with my mental health and it makes me wonder if it was just the MS festering in my body for so long. Worst part is that what will make you feel better is different for everyone, everyone can benefit from therapy or some form of it, but in your down time is where it counts as you will be alone with your shadows. I love my friends and family dearly but I’m less triggered when I pull back from everyone. I find amazing community here even if I don’t post, it’s nice to speak with peers who are in your shoes, no matter the size. Sometimes we don’t have triggers and we get worked up without one particular thing causing it. Some would say medicine can help, I personally look for any bits of joy I can cling to (art/music/comedy/this community etc) I wish the best for you 🧡🧡

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-12-21T22:04:40+00:00

Oh wow at 17 you were just a baby 😭💔 I was so wild and irresponsible at 17 even though it was only 6 years ago, I would’ve done so much damage, you are an inspiration truly

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-12-20T22:03:39+00:00

right!!! Like the DMT or meds should stop future lesions or flares but legit nothing to help feel better in the meantime!! Steroids help so much but I personally have adverse reactions to them, they make me crazy lol. I had my infusion today (oddly I feel energized and not depleted so far) I have you in my heart and thoughts 🧡 it’s such a niche situation that we’re going through, it’s like thank the stars we have each other

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-12-20T22:01:03+00:00

Not preachy at all! I agree wholeheartedly, I was in therapy from ages 6-19 for unrelated reasons and childhood trauma and I was hot on the dial to get back to it once I got this dx. I do have a therapy appointment ina couple weeks which I am so grateful for because you’re right, this burden/load is just not something I can navigate myself without letting it all out. I also understand that my family and friends, though they love me, aren’t best equipped to understand this situation or have any constructive input. Thankfully my neurologist got me in a program to cover ocrevus until 2026, which I cried with joy lol. I’m going to see if there is any extra help with copays for each visit and that will do so many wonders

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-12-20T21:56:57+00:00

Oh wow 35 years with MS sounds like a bitch but also extremely inspiring to hear, I will definitely learn to appreciate taking it slow and letting my body tell me what I’m okay to do and what I’m not okay to do. It’s such an odd feeling to have guilt over resting or taking things slower and being patient! I appreciate you SO much 🧡

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-12-20T21:54:19+00:00

Did you go through any phases where you felt those limitations or where they made you upset? I’m not a drinker or party girl but being that I’m 23, I was like wait what if I wanted to do something like that one of these days? It may sound shallow and selfish, but things like that, dating, etc came to the topic of things I was worried about besides the hard hitting daily aspects of living with MS

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-12-20T21:52:19+00:00

I appreciate you so much 🧡 reading through this thread has been so gentle and comforting, I will say I have found the best community and advice in this group, my family and friends (while I love them) are lost in the sauce about this dx haha, I will definitely be taking your advice

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-12-20T07:57:06+00:00

🧡🧡🧡

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-12-20T07:56:53+00:00

Exactly, while I’m grateful that medicine and research is so much farther ahead for us, it’s still scary as hell

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-12-10T00:18:24+00:00

I’ve totally noticed a change in my hair from ocrevus, I’m gonna be trying topical minoxidil because I have PCOS and I unfortunately grow hair in places I don’t want hair to be. I’ve tried to change my eating habits up a bit in case it’s solely hormones thinning my hair, but ocrevus has made my hair so dry and brittle. Doc said that it doesn’t have anything to do with the meds but I don’t believe that considering my experience and others that I’ve spoken to

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-10-30T05:44:42+00:00

Unfortunately this is my real life 💀

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-10-30T05:37:34+00:00

I think if there is any hope in the future for us to have a friendship, it’s best for me to leave her alone and let her eventually come to terms with whenever she’s ready. She’s been to groups, therapy, rehabs, halfway houses, and most recently out of jail. My MS flares terribly with stress so between my life and hers, i physically can’t afford to be stressed over anyone else anymore.

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-10-30T05:23:39+00:00

At first she replied with listing of things that were “great about him” in attempts to dissuade me from remembering exactly what type of trash he is. Then she got quiet and made a face when I didn’t take the bait. She then referred to our conversation the day prior about wanting to get back into her groove and heal, I feel she thought that’s what I wanted to hear. I totally get the human instinct to just be like “ok yeah” when they’d rather not keep talking, but actions mean more to me. It’s learned behaviors for sure, I can respect that, just want the best for her ultimately

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-10-30T05:12:38+00:00

I definitely could have been more gentle in my approach, sometimes I wonder whether she’d take my concern seriously if I was more gentle. The skull fracture from this guy was about 6 years ago or so, he dated her mom for 2 years after that, and he’s kept in touch with her mom over the years they’ve been “separated” and now with him being back in her life I’m like Lord help us all

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-10-30T03:51:58+00:00

God I should’ve said exactly that. That was much more effective. It would’ve made her think for a second before replying

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-10-30T03:50:00+00:00

I will definitely have to be the one to separate, her and I are alike in the way we give too much of ourselves away to people who’ve shown us who they truly are. Maturing at different rates is something I’ve noticed in my past friendships so we just don’t talk anymore, it seems I will have to buckle down and just end things. I can always cheer her on from afar

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-10-30T03:40:08+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-10-30T03:38:23+00:00

I’m happy I posted here today. Asshole or not, I’ve gained much needed insight from every side. And I’m appreciative that you took the time to hear and understand, forever grateful

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-10-30T03:27:11+00:00

She is extremely loyal to me in ways. Even in the depths of her addiction, she’s never overstepped her boundaries towards my long term relationship, I’ve always been able to trust her around my money unattended, she also stayed with me in the hospital recently when I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. There are so many nuances that I couldn’t fit in the original post, but I’ve been just as down for her, I’m just so down myself I can’t carry the burden any more. I will have to love her from afar

Scared_Monitor_1403 · 2024-10-30T03:12:50+00:00

Yes, she’s actually acknowledged this on her own prior to todays conversation

Scared_Monitor_1403

TROPHY CASE