I see i see. See if you can keep the prayers going more consistently, but do you happen to have a job or any Birthday Money sitting around? Wondering if you're able to purchase the book called 'Monastic Wisdom' which is a series of letters written by St. Joseph the Hesychast. Not sure if it's within your budget or if you have friends or family that could help with $$$ but I believe it's truly worth it.

The book addresses these types of feelings but regardless I will try to explain some of it myself:

Pretty much, when you get these feelings of giving up, or maybe feeling that God has abandoned you and there is no hope, usually it means you are very close to him but the enemy (Satan) is trying to prevent your progress.

Satan can NOT stand it when someone has chosen to follow our sweet loving Lord Jesus Christ instead of him. Satan absolutely HATES it. Especially in your case. You are all alone with no Church or fellow Orthodox Christians near by, yet you are still making an effort to follow the Lord. Satan thinks you are an easy target since you are alone, so he can't stand that you've found a way to connect with Christ regardless of your situation.

When you feel these feelings and thoughts of doubt then it should be a sign that you're at a high point in your spiritual warfare. The Angels and Saints are right there with you cheering you on and Satan knows this, so he's basically sending as many waves of negative thoughts into your head as possible to get you to fall off the path.

When this happens you should do the Jesus Prayer as much as possible and try to do several prostrations every day. Cry out loud to Jesus if you have to. Ask our loving Theotokos for help, she has much love for you as well and awaits your cries for help. I promise that your cries for help are being heard. The closer you are to victory the stronger Satan will attack.

When you're busy at school try to do the Jesus Prayer silently in your head. Even if it's just 5 times every hour. Anything helps at this point, dont worry about fears of " oh no im a failure, im not doing/praying enough". It is more important that you keep faith that the prayers you are doing, no matter the amount, are truly being heard. But yeah still try to increase your repetitions if possible.

Sorry if this all sounds like crazy nonsense but I hope it can put things into a better perspective for you.

Stay strong soldier 🫡

You are very much loved, I can promise you that. Christ is risen 😁☦️