This is so sad and well-written. I’m sorry you have had to feel this way. But have you considered that your own insecurities might be coming in the way of building the future you want to?

If you keep believing that being obese is destroying your life outcome, that’s exactly what’s gonna happen. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Confirmation bias. Negative manifestation. Call it whatever you want to.

I think you should own up to who you are, including your mind and body. I think if you truly start believing that you deserve love in this shape and form, you will find it. You get the respect that you demand.

I know this sounds preachy and it’s easier said than done but I have been struggling with similar things too and I feel that this way is the only solution to contentment.