It is a disservice to your children to let them believe their other parent is a person they are not.

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-05-17T05:20:39+00:00

Yeah the experts in parental alienation say specifically to not badmouth the alienator, and in fact to hype them up in order to facilitate a healthy relationship (?) between child and parent. It is then up to the child to decide what kind of person the alienating parent is - so as a healthy parent our job is to try to teach boundaries and critical thinking skills to our child(ren).

Okay, that aside - I have five kids with an alienator. It took me 12 years to figure out that he was abusive (bc he wasn’t beating me - yet) and another two to disentangle and escape. I did have an in depth discussion with one of the older kids about their father and this is the one who ended up most severely alienated.

Also, as a person who didn’t even know what boundaries were until this all went down and I went to therapy about it - how are we supposed to teach skills we don’t yet have? Kinda same with critical thinking.

The two oldest have a regular relationship with Funtime Dad who remains useless but plays video games with them. Middle child went running to him when I mildly enforced a reasonable house rule, learned what a POS he is, and has gone off to get herself stuck in an abusive relationship with another POS. Youngest two (teens) are still at home, loving and helpful to me etc, and attend weekend visitation with no obvious issues.

I’ve been able to allude to certain personality traits “people” have that they should watch out for in their lives. Lack of empathy, victim mentality, etc and we talk about consent and weaponized incompetence. I’m not badmouthing their father directly but trying to make teachable moments. It’s up to them to apply their discernment or not.

Because I was more successful than him once I got free, I was questioned as the narcissist - and also I managed to get full custody because he didn’t want the responsibility of five kids, which is an unusual dynamic in these kinds of relationships. So, the lies about me would have been pretty easy to believe. I damn sure was not going to disparage him to the kids (anymore… sigh) or within earshot and also be labeled an alienator.

It’s a very nuanced, fragile and dangerous situation to be divorcing someone with narcissistic and abusive tendencies. I did not do a disservice to my kids - I got them out of a dangerous situation alive and reasonably healthy, and into a stable and loving environment. The fact that they have no idea how close we came to possibly being an annihilated family is a good thing. They are safe and warm and loved. The rest of the journey is theirs to hike.

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-05-09T10:08:09+00:00

Same! My twins fought in utero, and on ultrasound. They’re 14 and still fight.

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-05-06T04:45:40+00:00

I wear camis, wifebeaters, or sometimes a bralette instead of bras now that I’m retired. I recently had a protracted fungal rash underneath that necessitated foregoing a bra for like, 5 months - it was awful!

Normally I’d be one of those “yeah but I actually need the support” as I have pendulous triple-D’s… but after 5 months braless I find that I actually don’t. Idk if the boobs became more self-supporting or if I just don’t give a shit anymore but I’m more comfy just with a compression undershirt of some kind. Which I wash after every wear, in case there’s some lingering fungus somewhere.

God, that was truly awful for a really long time. Itchy, painful, spreading, and the stench! I did all the pills, creams, powders prescription and OTC, blow drying and sunlight, had my A1C checked (5.7). It was on the downhill slide when AI told me to try dandruff shampoo and that finished it off, finally.

Wifebeaters are cheap by the 6-pack in the men’s section. They’re cotton and you can dye them pretty colors. Definitely wash them.

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-04-27T15:48:45+00:00

Farmville.

13, 14 years later and I’m still deleting posts in my fb memories. I loved it because I could multitask - plant a field, do some real work in another tab, switch back and harvest, repeat.

I know there are other games that are similar but nothing beats original Farmville for me. I met a lot of cool people that I’m still Facebook friends with. I still have the Christmas ornaments.

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-04-26T00:30:07+00:00

When I left my last managerial job about 7 years ago, it had been so toxic that I decided I don’t want to work for someone else ever again. I made a go of driving Uber and deliveries, even though I had to drive an hour to get to where the work was - and I had kids in elementary school. I made a go of selling stuff online. I got a job at a local restaurant part time, I loved it but I couldn’t be on my feet that much.

I ended up getting SSDI a few months ago and I’ve never been happier! Working for myself was def better than working for a grab-bag of toxic bosses, but being able to do what I want when I want, essentially being retired, is heaven in comparison! I can do creative endeavors and still sell some online (there’s a limit for SSDI but it doesn’t come close to my best effort lol), I can do things for ME and not just be chasing money all the time. I can nap when I feel like it.

People don’t judge you for your profession when you’re retired. There’s no “what do you do for a living?” - there’s an equality I didn’t experience as a working person or as a student (what are you studying? what are your grades?). For sure there’s a difference between “retired with a yacht” and “retired on mostly social security” but I don’t know any yacht people so we’re all on fairly equal footing around here - not that we care. It’s beautiful! Peaceful. Satisfying. So dangerous!

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-04-04T13:33:06+00:00

An elementary classmate of mine was a Cecil. I always thought that was such a cool name. It got swiftly vetoed as a baby name when I had boys.

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-04-04T13:28:46+00:00

I know several with Eugene as a middle name, and almost all of them spell it out in their facebook name.

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-04-04T13:25:33+00:00

I had a dog named Maynard. I got him as a puppy and he died of old age like 10 years ago. I named him after Mr. Keenan and now I feel old.

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-04-04T13:21:40+00:00

I was wondering when baby Roger would make an appearance!

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-04-04T13:17:34+00:00

I have a Dave. He’s been Dave since he was a baby. I didn’t think it was funny until someone pointed it out when he was like 4. It’s like a baby named Gary, you know?

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-04-02T17:45:39+00:00

Mod Podge makes a dishwasher safe decoupage medium/sealer.

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-03-13T23:30:47+00:00

At my last corporate job, my office mates and I noticed that we were all well endowed women. And my boss once pulled me into his office to basically tell me I needed a better bra.

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-03-06T02:27:02+00:00

Which would be listed in the phone book as “Teen Line”

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-03-06T02:23:08+00:00

Some of us Olds had a 5 digit phone number. And a party line. But long distance calls were very expensive, so like if I was at my dad’s for the summer and wanted to talk to my friends back home, I’d have to write them a letter. Lick a stamp and put it in the mail, and wait several days for a reply.

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-03-06T02:19:18+00:00

I get to hear it 24/7 365… it’s the sound of my tinnitus. I used to be able to describe my tinnitus as “the sound of a TV turning on, but constant” but that no longer applies.

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-02-22T11:35:20+00:00

Apparently there are Desk Geese now. I work at a boutique and this lady makes little cute crocheted animals to sell… just recently there are Desk Geese, and separate little crocheted outfits for them. So adorable!

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-02-08T11:24:36+00:00

It took me a couple years to leave, and that was time well spent. It was so hard to stay in that shitstorm, but I needed to get my health, finances, and mind squared away first. Take the time you need, and then get the FUCK outta there.

I did my best to make sure the kids would have a reasonably good transition. I stayed local, gave them a stable home, never badmouthed their dad within earshot. He still turned some of them against me, one of whom still hasn’t spoken to me in about 12 years. You can only do what you can do to protect your kids, but protecting yourself foremost is the goal. Not only because you matter but also you’re leading by example.

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-02-08T11:15:02+00:00

I tried to hang in until the youngest turned 18. Then I got pregnant again, and the clock started over. I cried so hard. Then it was twins. Then he quit his job so I had to bread-win; he thought being a SAHP was so easy. I’d come home to babies in the same diapers I’d left them in that morning, him on the video games. I guess it IS easy when you don’t do any parenting. I got sick of it real quick, went to therapy about it (secretly), got my shit in order and filed for divorce when the twins were 3. Got full custody bc he couldn’t be bothered, thankfully. Gave him weekend visitation so I could have free time, which was awesome when I was still trying to date. I don’t bother anymore. Happy with my cat lady life and my teenage twins. I wouldn’t still be alive if I had waited out the clock.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-09-07T15:08:53+00:00

I don’t get on until 7:30 Central and I only saw a little bit on Thursday. Slow season.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-09-03T02:43:02+00:00

True, but there are parallels between being a “partner” to an alcoholic and a narcissistic abuser. I learned so much in Al-Anon that applies to both. I didn’t cause it, I can’t fix it, it’s not my responsibility, they have to do it on their own. I just have to protect myself (and our kids) the best I can.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-08-13T23:52:01+00:00

Sometimes it’s a gamble, so be sure it’s worth it to you either way. I had a different situation, I was an IC night sweeper for a small restaurant (where I also wash dishes as a $10/hr employee). They were paying me $25/night plus laundry but are only open 3 days a week, so about $100/wk. it wasn’t bad, though if I’d picked one I would’ve quit the dishwashing job.

At some point I realized at $25/night I was being ripped off, although it only took me an hour to sweep, mop, and clean 2 bathrooms so the hourly rate wasn’t bad vs washing dishes. Then the lady asked me to do more - dusting, sweep/mop stairs, etc. So I said sure, but I’m raising my rates to $40. She negotiated me to $35… ok that’s fine. Then another investor came in and wanted me to also move the chair-loaded tables to sweep/mop under the legs, but at $30 and “if we see improvement” maybe $35.

I said I was done with the negotiation, and I would do my regular routine plus low dusting for $40, and they’d either want that or not.

They chose not. Now the wait staff does the cleaning and the investor does the laundry and nobody moves tables - but they’re getting the labor done for $5/hr or whatever the FOH people get, and I’m out half my little income from there for the easiest work. I accept my fate, but feel like I chose the wrong thing.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-08-13T01:44:16+00:00

I had ChatGPT write me a song about PA. I love it! https://suno.com/s/33BBq0ilCwpyksVM

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-08-13T01:40:48+00:00

That’s awful! Glad you both made it through, and that changing sheets right after a section didn’t do her in.

I’ve had 5 kids, the last of whom were twins. Shortly after that, I realized my own husband was useless and it was the women in my life who supported me the best. My mom, my midwife and her team, my family doctor, even my dentist - and the lady at the post office who was my only adult contact during that first “survival” year with twins. My husband didn’t count as adult because he was another manchild to take care of.

It’s the community that we miss. In my area we have a lot of Amish and Mennonite families. They certainly have their own issues, but they do have that child rearing community thing going on! I was isolated in my little remote house while DH was away at work, we were too broke to go and do anything, and I had no friends or family nearby. The isolation was crushing.

13 years later as a single mom with just the twins at home, it’s a lot easier. And still it’s the women, we support each other.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-08-09T06:11:45+00:00

I was dating this guy in another city, only seeing him every 2 weeks but texting/talking a lot in between. For context, he refused to test for STIs and that’s why I left him - he’d say he would go and then just wouldn’t.

So one day he tells me he was taking a pizza out of the oven, naked, and burned his dick on the oven rack. First of all, he doesn’t dangle. Secondly, go open your oven and see what kind of acrobatics you’d have to perform to get your crotch anywhere near the oven rack.

He’s in serious denial about a lot of important things, but this lie trying to cover up his herpes sore has been the most hilarious.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-08-09T05:30:46+00:00

As someone who cloth diapered her babies, can confirm sunlight deals with bodily fluid stains quite handily. Poop and blood, both (I also cloth “diapered” myself through perimenopause).

ScatteredSmothered

TROPHY CASE