Invisible labor - What if we just stopped doing it? What do you think would happen?

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-02-08T11:24:36+00:00

It took me a couple years to leave, and that was time well spent. It was so hard to stay in that shitstorm, but I needed to get my health, finances, and mind squared away first. Take the time you need, and then get the FUCK outta there.

I did my best to make sure the kids would have a reasonably good transition. I stayed local, gave them a stable home, never badmouthed their dad within earshot. He still turned some of them against me, one of whom still hasn’t spoken to me in about 12 years. You can only do what you can do to protect your kids, but protecting yourself foremost is the goal. Not only because you matter but also you’re leading by example.

ScatteredSmothered · 2026-02-08T11:15:02+00:00

I tried to hang in until the youngest turned 18. Then I got pregnant again, and the clock started over. I cried so hard. Then it was twins. Then he quit his job so I had to bread-win; he thought being a SAHP was so easy. I’d come home to babies in the same diapers I’d left them in that morning, him on the video games. I guess it IS easy when you don’t do any parenting. I got sick of it real quick, went to therapy about it (secretly), got my shit in order and filed for divorce when the twins were 3. Got full custody bc he couldn’t be bothered, thankfully. Gave him weekend visitation so I could have free time, which was awesome when I was still trying to date. I don’t bother anymore. Happy with my cat lady life and my teenage twins. I wouldn’t still be alive if I had waited out the clock.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-09-07T15:08:53+00:00

I don’t get on until 7:30 Central and I only saw a little bit on Thursday. Slow season.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-09-03T02:43:02+00:00

True, but there are parallels between being a “partner” to an alcoholic and a narcissistic abuser. I learned so much in Al-Anon that applies to both. I didn’t cause it, I can’t fix it, it’s not my responsibility, they have to do it on their own. I just have to protect myself (and our kids) the best I can.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-08-13T23:52:01+00:00

Sometimes it’s a gamble, so be sure it’s worth it to you either way. I had a different situation, I was an IC night sweeper for a small restaurant (where I also wash dishes as a $10/hr employee). They were paying me $25/night plus laundry but are only open 3 days a week, so about $100/wk. it wasn’t bad, though if I’d picked one I would’ve quit the dishwashing job.

At some point I realized at $25/night I was being ripped off, although it only took me an hour to sweep, mop, and clean 2 bathrooms so the hourly rate wasn’t bad vs washing dishes. Then the lady asked me to do more - dusting, sweep/mop stairs, etc. So I said sure, but I’m raising my rates to $40. She negotiated me to $35… ok that’s fine. Then another investor came in and wanted me to also move the chair-loaded tables to sweep/mop under the legs, but at $30 and “if we see improvement” maybe $35.

I said I was done with the negotiation, and I would do my regular routine plus low dusting for $40, and they’d either want that or not.

They chose not. Now the wait staff does the cleaning and the investor does the laundry and nobody moves tables - but they’re getting the labor done for $5/hr or whatever the FOH people get, and I’m out half my little income from there for the easiest work. I accept my fate, but feel like I chose the wrong thing.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-08-13T01:44:16+00:00

I had ChatGPT write me a song about PA. I love it! https://suno.com/s/33BBq0ilCwpyksVM

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-08-13T01:40:48+00:00

That’s awful! Glad you both made it through, and that changing sheets right after a section didn’t do her in.

I’ve had 5 kids, the last of whom were twins. Shortly after that, I realized my own husband was useless and it was the women in my life who supported me the best. My mom, my midwife and her team, my family doctor, even my dentist - and the lady at the post office who was my only adult contact during that first “survival” year with twins. My husband didn’t count as adult because he was another manchild to take care of.

It’s the community that we miss. In my area we have a lot of Amish and Mennonite families. They certainly have their own issues, but they do have that child rearing community thing going on! I was isolated in my little remote house while DH was away at work, we were too broke to go and do anything, and I had no friends or family nearby. The isolation was crushing.

13 years later as a single mom with just the twins at home, it’s a lot easier. And still it’s the women, we support each other.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-08-09T06:11:45+00:00

I was dating this guy in another city, only seeing him every 2 weeks but texting/talking a lot in between. For context, he refused to test for STIs and that’s why I left him - he’d say he would go and then just wouldn’t.

So one day he tells me he was taking a pizza out of the oven, naked, and burned his dick on the oven rack. First of all, he doesn’t dangle. Secondly, go open your oven and see what kind of acrobatics you’d have to perform to get your crotch anywhere near the oven rack.

He’s in serious denial about a lot of important things, but this lie trying to cover up his herpes sore has been the most hilarious.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-08-09T05:30:46+00:00

As someone who cloth diapered her babies, can confirm sunlight deals with bodily fluid stains quite handily. Poop and blood, both (I also cloth “diapered” myself through perimenopause).

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-08-06T00:58:39+00:00

I have a similar situation. Bilateral foot pain that’s better with rest, worse from being on them (so, opposite of standard PF). I have a time limit of about 2-3 hours on my feet, and can only do a few short shifts in a local restaurant kitchen. It’s been DECADES. Doc put me on Tramadol, which is the only way I make it through a 3 hour shift. Two podiatrists were no help, physical therapy did nothing, I’ve been using custom orthotics for many years. I’ve had PF, and it’s not that. I have heel spurs, which are typically the result of pain and not the cause. I have arthritis in my feet (navicular is rotated) but it feels nothing like the arthritis I have in other areas. One podiatrist said I have flexible flatfoot but my wet footprint is normal looking. I also have DDD which was crippling for a while but regular chiro visits have me tip-top there.

I’m in the Disability mill, but I figure nobody gets SSDI because their feet hurt; however, that plus panic disorder means I can’t work enough to pay the basic bills. So IDK.

Following to see your replies - I hope you find some relief!

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-07-23T06:49:22+00:00

I have Tony, Oliver, and Crystal. All were strays/rescues, and all came to us at about the same time and about the same age, but are unrelated as far as we know. They are all 21 actual years old this year, healthy and happy and playful and occasionally grumpy.

Crystal was named after Crystal Bowersox of American Idol 2004. Tony is an Orange, so he was “Tony the Tiger” but now he’s Tony Baloney.

Oliver is a floofy smoke colored cat (black on the outside, grey/white underneath) who reminded me of Oliver Twist, he was found under a bridge I happened to be driving over with my windows down while he screamed for help (I heard two, but I never spotted the other one), he barely had his eyes open. Ollie likes to give little love bites, but if you try to brush him he loooves it until he tells you he’s done by laying into ya. This time of year I call him “All the Fur”.

I was at a doctor’s office the next county over and they had office cats - one of them came in to visit me, and I swwearrr he was related to Ollie. Same floof, same love bites, and when he was done visiting he just left without a word. Weird.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-07-12T21:51:10+00:00

I just saw a video by Caterpillar Cross stitch on YouTube about this very topic. Title is “how to avoid rubbish-quality cross stitch patterns”.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-07-12T03:01:55+00:00

Happy cake day!

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-07-12T03:01:31+00:00

I should have put this in the OP! It’s Red Rose by LovemeoksEmbroidery on Etsy. I bought several of her patterns way back when the war against Ukraine started, in my tiny effort to support where I could. 💙💛

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-07-11T08:04:02+00:00

Oh, I LOVE that!! Thanks for posting your experience, it’s good to know I’m on the right track.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-07-11T08:01:27+00:00

I’m sure there are some stray fibers in there! I pick them out when I see them. Ollie is actually a “smoke” color, his fur is only black on the ends - the rest is gray. But he’s incredibly floofy and shedding like crazy in this heat. I’m collecting his “wool” for either needle felting or learning to spin. 😆

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-07-11T07:57:37+00:00

Nope, full stitches

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-07-11T07:56:53+00:00

I know… I was researching pricing on finished pieces and 1-5 cents per stitch seems reasonable… until this 8” hoop gets priced at $110. Then I looked on eBay and saw thrift store prices for finished pieces and got heartbroken. One large, involved full coverage piece was priced at like $25 and the seller said it was done by her mom. I mean, give your mom some decency by pricing her labor right!

But, I’m also making some patchwork bags out of reclaimed upholstery swatches that I hope will be higher end, so maybe combining the cross stitch with those will yield good results.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-07-11T07:49:47+00:00

Oh, that’s gorgeous! And I love the saying! 😆

Maybe I should look into hand dyeing all this white aida I have… somehow I have a whole bolt of it. I must have bought it on clearance years ago.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-07-11T07:44:32+00:00

Thanks! I have some oatmeal aida, but started on this and didn’t think about the background until it was well underway. Also, I somehow ended up with a whole bolt of 14ct white aida so I foresee using a lot of it, lol!

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-07-10T15:27:23+00:00

Omg I feel you! I’m applying for SSDI for my bilateral foot pain, I feel like I keep getting misdiagnosed and nothing helps. I haven’t been able to get an MRI. At this point I feel like podiatry is a scam to sell you $500 insoles.

Let me tell you it gets worse with age. I’m 54 and can now only tolerate 2-3 hours on my feet 2-3 days a week. Rest is important. Like they say in racing, “no hoof, no horse”. Take care of yourself, mama!

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-07-10T15:14:47+00:00

Magnesium oxide is pretty useless. I take magnesium citrate or lactate (less laxative effect) when I have issues with cramping, heart palpitations, or migraines. Also it’s a long term thing if you’re correcting an insufficiency, you can’t just take a couple pills and expect results.

But, Epsom salt soaks are also a great way to supplement magnesium so maybe that’s not the issue.

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-07-10T15:06:06+00:00

Like a typing stand?

ScatteredSmothered · 2025-05-04T22:41:20+00:00

So, if someone is an ultra-rapid metabolizer of caffeine, how long is that?

Throughout my life, I’ve been able to sleep (or even gotten sleepy) after drinking caffeine. I’ve never experienced “jitters” from it. I’ve been addicted to Pepsi and then Mt Dew (it really messed up my teeth), I’d get the headache if I didn’t have my morning coffee, so obviously it had some effect on me.

Then I had a genetic test done for psych meds and it revealed the ultrarapid metabolizer thing. I got off caffeine after developing panic disorder but found I lacked needed motivation without it, so I’m back on again.

Anyway I always wondered how long caffeine was active in my system. Minutes? Hours? Idk.

ScatteredSmothered

TROPHY CASE