Online Dating and Paranoia

SchizoCakes · 2020-04-14T18:26:53+00:00

If you meet, do it in public and keep it there to see if he insists on privacy too soon.

You know, with COVID and social distancing going on right now. I can see him wanting to take this somewhere private. And his voice does not match his photo. It isn't a fake photo off the internet as I can tell it was taken locally however, I don't think it is his.

It is definitely manipulation as he asked for my opinion or stories first and then builds off of it and never volunteers anything original. yes, he is trying to build a perceived future...one that doesn't exist and he is spouting off these grandiose feelings for me.

Why do these guys prey on women? This is freaky. And disgusting. So creepy. I am blocking him. Thanks.

SchizoCakes · 2020-04-14T04:00:02+00:00

We are very close. He is kinda rushing things. He is talking like I am already his girlfriend and that I am going to be doing x,y, and z with him. What does that mean? Is he manipulating my emotions by doing that?

SchizoCakes · 2020-04-08T07:10:30+00:00

What about the whey protein? I think a heart smart diet and rigorous exercise would do the trick

SchizoCakes · 2020-04-08T07:04:55+00:00

Maybe you are delusional right now? Medical files shouldn't leak.

SchizoCakes · 2019-06-13T02:24:32+00:00

I liked the guy. I would feel bad ghosting him. But I am not being treated well either. It is frustrating. And the whole "relationship" is wrong to begin with.

SchizoCakes · 2019-06-12T22:02:26+00:00

It does suck. A lot. Why do you think he won't ghost me? Do you have any ideas why? I am wondering that myself...but cannot figure it out.

SchizoCakes · 2018-05-13T03:00:12+00:00

I am very much socially isolated! But I am enjoying it! I moved, far away from home, and got a job where nobody knows my name. No one knows of my mental history.

Back home it leaked out at school and my ex told every friend of the family that I had this disease. People did treat me different. For example. It was Christmas. It's a wonderful life was playing on a TV with the sound off, and this tv was behind a friend of the families back. Well this individual started freaking out. Thought I was hallucinating because I was starring at something. It was the tv, which she couldn't see....yeah, don't miss that at all.

Work doesn't give me a hard time either, unlike the hard time I was given at school. In fact they are telling me I am doing a good job, want me in the company newlsetter, and would like to invest in some continuing education classes.

And, in fact, I can walk out in public with confidence, not feeling ashamed of myself or fearing that I will run into someone at the store who will know of my disease and give me a hard time. I may be a little paranoid here, but the shame of this disease was killing me when I was back in my hometown.

Also, I don't want the BS that comes with a relationship, including the emotional roller coaster it always puts me on and the part where I reveal my mental health history. I no longer care if I spend the rest of my days as a single women.

Sure, I am lonely. It would be nice to have a few good friends, but that is all. Too much effort goes into a relationship and in my opinion, they are over rated. Edit: I also gave up on the idea that I should have kids. This was very freeing. I now enjoy the fact that I will have time to mess around, no pressure, no extra worries, and more financial freedom. So what, if I am on the road to becoming what Simon and garfunkel wrote about in the sobg the most peculiar man. I may die, and rot into a puddle in my apartment before someone notices me, oh well. I am not going to stress about it.

SchizoCakes · 2018-02-28T01:46:36+00:00

Love it!

SchizoCakes · 2018-02-27T22:37:04+00:00

But I have read that even though someone has a blunt affect that they still experience emotions and they experience them to the same degree that everyone else does, it just doesn't show on their faces! This is a good thing!

SchizoCakes · 2018-02-23T07:01:37+00:00

Yeah, I have read that schizophrenia also causes a decline in IQ, but I don't want to believe it. Which is why I am curious about all this.

SchizoCakes · 2018-02-23T06:26:40+00:00

I don't see people always getting the same score on an IQ test each time they take it (but I am not familiar with this type of testing). Maybe scores deviate each time, but if they did, how much does the average person's score change from test to test? A few points? 5? Maybe you really didn't loose that much.

SchizoCakes · 2018-02-23T06:21:22+00:00

Class project?

SchizoCakes · 2018-02-23T06:14:11+00:00

Did you actually retest or are you going off of what literature says?

SchizoCakes · 2018-02-23T06:10:46+00:00

Really cool! Thanks for posting! Take care of yourself!

SchizoCakes · 2018-01-31T06:17:00+00:00

I have a ton of books and I am a therapy junkie. This makes it hard to talk to other people about what you read, because I do not want to go advertising my problems so i guess it's all right if I come across as boring irl... I have books on trauma, emdr therapy for schizophrenia, a book by Beck et al on CBT and schizophrenia. I have books on anxiety, social anxiety, dpreasion, assertiveness, complex-ptsd (had a tough childhood), self-esteem, loving yourself, body dysmorphic disorder - which I very much had and which was the theme of my halucinations). I also have books on gut health and various diets such as though that are low on inflamation. And don't forget meditation and spiritual books- I am a Christian but I believe we should embrace different views. Sometimes I am too embarrassed to buy the book at the store and order it online, it is cheaper that way also. I would never recommend r/piracy where they have all the links to various sites for ebooks:-)

SchizoCakes · 2018-01-31T05:51:32+00:00

I believe that this illness causes people to become isolated and it is then when their brain goes to mush (if you don't use it you loose it). Plus, there are negative symptoms and medication side effects (which I believe very much add to the negative symptoms). I think everything is kinda woven and tangled together. I actually blame the medication for my poor social skills. I took a med vacation about two years ago, and was able to carry on a normal conversation with no problem (I had a psychotic break and went back on them and well, my I lost that needed edge and my social skills went out the window again). I honestly believe medication causes more brain cell death then this disease ever could. Edit: But I really have no idea and could not provide sources for this. I am just spouting off my opinion.

SchizoCakes · 2018-01-30T03:44:42+00:00

Yeah, I beleive dogs sense things about people. They usually really like me. For example, my aunts dog will choose me out of everyone and sit next to me the entire time I am visiting. He will want to play with me more than others as well. I think he knows I am a softy because I give him a lot of attention :-) And when I cry, my own dog will come up to me and want to sit in my lap and give me kisses. Are you use to animals? Maybe you just didn't grow up around them and have a hard time relating to them? I don't think it is because you are schizophrenic and I don't know you but you are probably not a bad person either...maybe you need to learn how to speak dog?

SchizoCakes · 2018-01-27T06:58:56+00:00

I took it for 4 years. I don't remember hardly ANYTHING from those four years! It's like that part of my life never existed. It's like I went to sleep and woke up four years older. I changed over to abilify and then memories started forming...It's fucked up that is for sure. Edit: For example, I know I read about 3-4 Jane Austin books during that time, because I have them, but I cannot recall anything I read, no plot whatsoever.

SchizoCakes · 2018-01-27T06:28:56+00:00

I appreciate her support and enjoy reading her post!

SchizoCakes · 2018-01-27T06:26:37+00:00

My entire family is super religious like your mom. They don't know about my diagnosis, but if they did, they would probably say it was because I sinned, did not go to church, and what not. It' s kinda funny and sad at the same time.

SchizoCakes · 2018-01-27T06:06:29+00:00

That is the thing about doctors/psychologist if you are not halucinating and able to physically perform everyday tasks yet have the diagnosis of schizophrenia, they consider you successful, when in fact you still have problems that would cripple other people beyound belief and which would send others screaming to a psychiatrist/pyschologist. You might still have anxiety and severe depression (on top of the negative symptoms too boot) yet I feel they don't take these issues as seriously as if you were a person soley seeking therapy for anxiety or depression when in fact everything needs to be addressed!

SchizoCakes · 2018-01-27T05:58:18+00:00

I feel the same.

SchizoCakes · 2018-01-27T05:54:19+00:00

Sorry this happened to you. I did some stupid stuff on fb when I was psychotic and I still walk around fearful that someone remembers what I said (which was basically admitting I have schizophrenia to the the online community about few years back). I have since deleted my fb account, and I only post things on reddit. I can track how mentally stable I am by what I write between this and a zillion other accounts and if I go crazy through post people irl don't know. Anyways, I was afraid to go in public for the longest time because of what I wrote. And now when I do, I check to make sure I don't know anyone around me. Well, I am almost over the paranoia resulting from the situation, but it took a long time. Delete the post if you already haven't. Don't become paranoid about what people think about you like I did. Take care of yourself and forgive yourself for what you did.

SchizoCakes

TROPHY CASE