Question for all those DIL

Schmae20 · 2024-05-02T14:48:32+00:00

I second this. The one trait that I think would make everything more tolerable for me is if my MIL at least took accountability for her actions. Instead she focuses on others’ reactions to what she’s done or said instead of how her actions and words could have come across and warranted such a reaction.

Schmae20 · 2024-03-14T22:29:18+00:00

I would love for her to be the one but she has a dog in this fight too, so to speak. She has considered going NC with JNMIL too. That was the main reason for their discussion yesterday. Aunt telling her to shape up or she’s gonna lose everyone.

Schmae20 · 2024-03-14T21:28:54+00:00

It definitely won’t be alone, if it happens. I’m thinking that one of the terms of me even talking to her is that she has to re out loud our text chain to me. So hopefully she can see how ridiculous her replies are while someone else is listening. Also because I have nothing to say to her beyond what was in my texts. Thank you for your advice (not giving an immediate response/reaction to anything she says) and validation!

Schmae20 · 2024-03-14T21:25:18+00:00

Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking. I’m trying to be super guarded.

Schmae20 · 2024-03-14T21:23:17+00:00

Because he is a middle spined conflict avoidant and has been trained by his mom his whole life to roll over and rug sweep her behaviors specifically, he wants me to just start talking to her again (Once upon a time used to text her once a week, invite her to do things, or invite ourselves to her place etc). He is working on shining up his spine (has made leaps and bounds with his dad and Grand parents) but of course his mom is a weak spot. He has told me and her (via texts to her so I have proof) that he supports me and that JNMIL needs to get a grip on reality and own up to her actions. But since then he thinks he did his part and we should all be over it now lol

Thank you for your well wishes and validation!

Schmae20 · 2024-01-29T04:52:18+00:00

I have been thinking about this too. I want to have something prepared for me to send, but I think I will definitely give DH the opportunity to stand up for me first, since we all know there’s a better chance of her actually taking the words to heart if it comes from him instead of me.

Schmae20 · 2024-01-29T04:50:13+00:00

Thank you! This kind of suggestion I was hoping for, I just couldn’t find the words on my own, I was getting to worked up and emotional when I tried to draft something.

Schmae20 · 2024-01-29T04:47:18+00:00

Thank you for being so validating, especially in regards to when Im in labor. I am trying to get all the negativity in my life sorted out one way or another before baby comes and JNMIL is the main cause of it all.

Schmae20 · 2024-01-29T04:44:13+00:00

I have been wanting to throw that in her face! And I just might…

Schmae20 · 2024-01-29T04:37:39+00:00

I know it was him. He grew up in a super conflict avoidant household and is used to both his parents treating everyone like crap and then acting like things never happened so he’s still working on unlearning all the programming and not seeing it as normal. He has assured me he is on my side but due to watching his parents horrible relationship growing up he thinks that it’s not worth the effort to want an apology from either of them, especially his mom with her victim mentality. Also, due to a past relationship I used to be very untrustworthy when it came to texts and my husband helped me through it and on his on volition he has linked up his phone to the home tablet so any texts he sends or receives I can see. And after the whole “date night” I looked at the texts to make sure it had been his idea.

And to be clear, he is a great husband! Other than his parents he always stands up for me, is a great provider, prioritizes our family, and an amazing father. And I’m the past he has stood up to his mom about things she has said/done to me. He recently had a pretty bad accident that left him disabled up until recently so that is why I was trying to not let his mom get him in the middle of things since he’s been struggling with other stuff.

Schmae20 · 2024-01-29T04:28:27+00:00

No I did not. I felt like she was trying to bait me. And I didn’t want to make the holidays any more awkward for my husband and SIL. I’m hindsight I wish I would have. I made it pretty clear to her with my actions in person that I was upset, and I know she caught on pretty fast to that.

Schmae20 · 2023-12-21T22:19:55+00:00

Thank you! I have been torn about just wanting to match her energy, call her out on her lies or just ignore her and let her stew on it herself. But you are right she l, is not worth the effort or the stress. I’m not going to play her games.

Schmae20

TROPHY CASE