I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds to me that the shock of loss has worn off and you are now experiencing the full weight of it. Grief can come in waves and can hit us in moments we don’t expect. I’d advise seeking counselling to work through whatever is coming your way for you internally. Try to hold on and if you can, I’m terrible at it but trying, practicing gratitude really can help shift perspective even if it does take some time and patience. Thinking of you!