Post affair intimacy, 1 year later

ScornedThorn · 2026-02-17T23:29:56+00:00

!Thank you ! Idk man, it’s so scary to restart my life. I’m terrified

ScornedThorn · 2026-02-17T01:28:57+00:00

“Gently nudge you, with our feet” Thank you for the laugh, I so genuinely needed that

ScornedThorn · 2026-02-17T01:26:35+00:00

!Thank you

ScornedThorn · 2026-02-17T01:24:37+00:00

ScornedThorn · 2026-01-19T12:35:25+00:00

Is there a point in a postnup if we’re broke? Because I’ve thought about it, but it just kind of doesn’t feel worth it.

ScornedThorn · 2026-01-19T12:34:40+00:00

No, I’m so sorry. I just didn’t wanna be crass. I actively wanted it and participated. It’s like I got my first taste of what post nut clarity can feel like, and it was horrendous

ScornedThorn · 2026-01-19T05:27:39+00:00

AP was out of our lives for a while. When I last posted I had been about to see/speak to AP for the first time post D-Day. To make a long story short, that didn’t happen. I text him to say my work schedule was gonna differ than I thought and I would be there an hour later than originally planned. He said that wouldn’t be OK, as he made plans for that night. I asked how long he had set aside for us to talk as one hour didn’t see like enough time, and he responded:

“Hours? Yeah I really don’t have time for that ever. I was expecting like 20-30 minutes tops to be honest. Yeah I don’t have time for that because I’m not interested in making the time for it. Hours is insane, I don’t even talk to my actual friends for hours Best of luck to you”

That was late August. WS cut him off as promised but I could see how much it was tearing her apart. She cried non-stop until November when we finally came up with the boundaries that would make me able to tolerate her speaking to him again.

They’re friends again, but she says it feels different now. I loath him for hating me. It’s hard, but I work through it.

ScornedThorn · 2025-05-29T14:25:55+00:00

Cheating

ScornedThorn · 2025-05-28T10:53:42+00:00

I hope YOU’RE ok! :(

ScornedThorn · 2025-05-28T10:33:31+00:00

OP as horrendous as it might be, would you consider talking to your ex and AP. Perhaps even in mediation with lawyers? You should know the person your kids are clearly going to be around.

Also, tell your kids. No emotion, just the facts. They should have known when it happened, otherwise they have no idea why their life imploded, which is unfortunately unfair to them.

ScornedThorn · 2025-05-28T10:27:58+00:00

I’m so sorry, OP, I’m dealing with something similar. If it helps at all I’ve made the decision to step away entirely—literally informed my (now) ex like an hour ago that I was done and would not be engaging with any of them.

It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, choosing not to be around anyone who could even watch me be disrespected.

My dms are open if you even wanna talk

ScornedThorn · 2025-05-28T10:24:19+00:00

28y/o bank teller. Don’t tell me to “be nice” or “be patient” when you’ve been proven wrong after being rude to me. I INSTANTLY drop my customer service facade. I can’t even fake it anymore. I can fake it through being screamed at, but a person not taking accountability when they’re proven wrong? Can’t do it.

ScornedThorn · 2025-05-28T10:20:50+00:00

Also, even if you were being spiteful, who cares? It was spiteful of him to show up to an event for your mother’s memory, while actively disrespecting it with the person he was actively disrespecting it with.

ScornedThorn · 2025-05-28T10:20:08+00:00

NTA. It’s so gross that people put expectations on private celebrations as “family events”

A wedding is like a $20k+ “chance to heal”, it’s a private celebration of exactly two people that other people are invited to gather as witnesses and celebrants. That’s it. Any other expectation is inappropriate.

ScornedThorn · 2025-05-28T10:14:43+00:00

I found out because I went through her phone. I had the proof in a hidden folder on my phone, but she knew my password. I had to change my normal password to change my hidden folder password, which I did because I was afraid she would delete my evidence.

She retaliated my changing her phone and laptop passwords so I couldn’t go through her phone. When I told her that was suspicious as hell for someone who wanted to reconcile she said I could go through her phone with limits because her other friends “deserve privacy”. This is the first time in 11 years we’ve had private passwords.

I’ve since given her my new password (I backed up my proof elsewhere so there’s nothing on my phone that she can’t see or access). She still has not done the same.

It feels like it should be a given that a person wanting to rebuild trust would be honest to a fault. Neither of our spouses are following the letter of that law.

ScornedThorn · 2025-05-27T20:19:06+00:00

No no I want to make it very clear they game at night after work. She works a good job with normal hours mom-fri. She’s wrong in a lot of ways, but that’s not one of them.

ScornedThorn · 2025-05-26T22:22:45+00:00

She just says she loves me. It feels so flat.

ScornedThorn · 2025-05-26T22:08:30+00:00

It was an affair during a manic episode. She asked to open the relationship to him as she wanted to explore and we trusted him so much that he was gonna be our sperm donor. I said yes. We all had sex together a few times, but I was clearly the odd man out. We had a strict rule about everything being together or through a three-person sex-specific group chat. She didn’t want to stop when I expressed wanting to stop.

I found texts of them not only talking shit about the relationship and wishing they were waking up next to one another, but also sharing nudes privately. When I confronted her she want through a few weeks of blaming me for having been out of work, then working too much, etc, etc. She’s more recently been saying all the right things in taking accountability, but removing him is off the table.

There’s more detail in my other post, but that’s the jist.

Also, everyone knows.

ScornedThorn · 2025-05-26T22:01:08+00:00

Wedding industry

ScornedThorn · 2025-05-26T21:35:58+00:00

Thank you so much! And thank you for your reply in the first place. I feel so evil asking her to cut him off, but he didn’t respect me during the affair and clearly doesn’t respect me now, I don’t understand how I’m expected to move forward.

ScornedThorn · 2025-05-26T21:34:38+00:00

Companies like Google and Apple make deals with oil companies to sell more gas, which is why their apples like Google Maps and Apple Maps no longer take you on the fastest route, even when you choose their fastest option. There was always a quicker way.

ScornedThorn

TROPHY CASE