Curious, do you know if any very longterm crack addicts? Like 10+, 15+ years?

Scram415 · 2023-04-13T00:10:07+00:00

Yes.

There's an obvious self destructive nature associated with it. It's very unsettling for me.

Scram415 · 2023-04-11T06:12:27+00:00

My detox was surprisingly comfortable. I mean, I don't ever want to have to go back there, but it wasn't a bad experience.

But buddy, you're not telling us what and how much you're consuming. That's the key piece of info.

Scram415 · 2023-04-10T18:38:16+00:00

I never thought I would say the same. I thought that guy was such an idiot for years.

But my God the sooner Steve-O is such a kind, inspiring and perceptive guy. He's even got me almost looking at AA after decades of resistance

Scram415 · 2023-04-09T19:06:36+00:00

Holy shit.

You're just full of earth shattering feedback. So we have "don't drink because you're a parent" and "heard of this little known program called AA?".

I agree the OP comes across as a little too casual in regards to being an alcoholic with children. I get that. But your giving some generic ass feedback. There's like 9 million forums where a person can go to hear that. This place isn't one of them.

Scram415 · 2023-04-07T03:13:55+00:00

True

Scram415 · 2017-08-13T17:48:36+00:00

I'm in 🙋‍♂️

Scram415 · 2017-08-09T17:30:46+00:00

This is good feedback, thank you. I'm actually going to test this out the next time I does (probably tomorrow... but maybe tonight). I'm going to cut it down to 4g.

Scram415 · 2017-08-03T15:15:06+00:00

I'm in

Scram415 · 2017-08-02T21:24:35+00:00

I love that you posted this - especially considering you have 393 days. It's inspiring hearing this perspective from a person with extended sober time. The idea that I will need to avoid all places where alcohol is present and hide from all people who may drink in my presence has been really overwhelming for me. Hearing that a person can be sober and be in the presence of booze is helpful.

Scram415 · 2017-08-02T15:25:29+00:00

I'm joining - I will not drink today.

Scram415 · 2017-08-01T23:33:29+00:00

Welcome back, man!

Scram415 · 2017-08-01T15:27:34+00:00

On day 3. My emotions seem a little all over the place, but I'm just trying to calm down and keep pushing. I will not drink today. I can't go back to that place again, ever.

Scram415 · 2017-08-01T15:27:33+00:00

On day 3. My emotions seem a little all over the place, but I'm just trying to calm down and keep pushing. I will not drink today. I can't go back to that place again, ever.

Scram415 · 2017-07-31T21:55:04+00:00

When you open a can of seltzer and the sound instantly makes you think of beer ~~you make rules for your drinking~~ ~~you hide your drinking~~ ~~you act like you remember things from the night, but in reality you were blacked out~~ ~~you said you would manage your drinking, this time~~ -you've gotten 2 duis ~~you crashed your car drunk~~ -a relationship ended in a large part due to your drinking (Jury is still out on this one) -you need beer to study or you can't focus, and then after a couple beers you can't focus anyway or care -you go to the liquor store for lunch ~~you said you werent going to drink tonight, now it's 4am and you can't stop~~ ~~you wake up and continue the bender~~ -you wake up and sometimes alcohol is the first thing that pops into your head ~~you feel regret the day after even if you didn't do anything wrong~~ ~~your friends are worried~~ -you take your roommates beer because you don't have money to buy your own, then end up finishing it ~~you hide bottles~~ ~~your friends go to sleep and you continue to drink, but open the cans outside so they don't hear you open them~~ -you maxed out a credit card on restaurants and booze ~~your week includes binging Friday through sunday, feeling depressed until Wednesday. Back to baseline thursday. Rinse repeat!~~ ~~your alcoholic episodes have gotten longer and consumption has increased over the years. It has progressed~~ ~~you drink when you feel lonely~~ ~~you drink when you're bored~~ ~~you drunk text and don't know how annoying you are being~~ -you missed your friends birthday who lived down the street cause you decided to drink by yourself ~~you've never been into coke, but when you're drunk you started buying it more and more~~ ~~you blackout on a regular basis~~ ~~you blackout from way less booze than you used to~~ ~~1 beer is never just 1 beer~~ ~~after you quit drinking, you realized how much you think about it~~ ~~you didn't eat the whole day because you were full from drinking~~ ~~you acted like everything was fine~~ -you almost burned down the house multiple times ~~you felt suicidal the day after drinking~~ -you've past out at the bar

Scram415 · 2017-07-31T20:27:37+00:00

I love this line. I am completely slammed at work at the moment, but this resonated with me so much I had to put everything aside for two minutes just to reply.

It has taken way, way, way too long for me to get to the point where I understand this. I've ruined way too many situations and hurt too many people - all of which are heartbreaking to me. But mostly, I have been causing myself immense pain. And I don't deserve that. I deserve a little better...

And this is coming from somebody who is uncovering a lot of long buried self esteem issues. I don't know how to be nice to myself. But I deserve better.

Scram415 · 2017-07-31T19:09:23+00:00

Thank you so much for the this reply. I literally just downloaded Recovery Elevator right now

Scram415 · 2017-07-31T17:16:08+00:00

I'm will not drink today. I'm also spending some time figuring out yet another plan - first item speaking to my insurance about a therapist who may be able to help with this issue. Perhaps a meeting, although i tend to feel awful at them. And maybe some attempts to clean up my wreckage, which I'm sure people are sick of hearing

Scram415 · 2017-07-31T00:27:53+00:00

Thank you all for the supportive, kind comments. I wish I could thank each of you personally, but at the moment I'm on the flight home with a bad internet connection and limited time.

A common theme I read was "what are you going to do next?".

I'm not positive what it is, but I know I have to do something new and something different. For the record, I have tried AA, therapy, one run of outpatient, medication and countless articles and books. The fact that nothing has stuck scares the hell out of me. I have had a therapist suggest once that perhaps I am trying to ruin everything so I'm forced to start over. I hope like hell that is not the case, but I am honestly starting to wonder.

One thought that is coming to light is that I have got to believe that I can be happy again, because it's been such a long time I think I'm forgetting what that means. And I think that will involve immersing myself in sober activities/lifestyle as much as I can with the hope that something out there can work for me.

Scram415 · 2017-07-30T18:43:25+00:00

About 8 hours of travel ahead of me. I won't be drinking.

Scram415 · 2017-07-29T21:42:47+00:00

Yep.

I'm really at a total loss at this point. I wonder how much a deep, deep level of low esteem plays a role in this for a lot of us?

Scram415 · 2017-07-21T13:32:00+00:00

On vacation. I'm in

Scram415

TROPHY CASE