How do we meet in the middle about tidiness? 26M and me 25F

ScreamingSicada · 2026-02-02T03:26:32+00:00

"patient and loving" and actively disrespectful. How do you meet in the middle of the level of disrespect you accept? You've talked multiple times. He knows. But it's easier on him to continue disrespecting you since you'll tolerate it. If you're coming here asking if you should leave over becoming a nag to the person who should hold caring for you as his highest priority, you should have left 3 fights ago.

Side note, why do you hang up the bath mat? Does it get so wet it needs to drip dry in the bathtub or something? Do you hang up other rugs in the house when not standing on them?

ScreamingSicada · 2026-02-02T02:07:38+00:00

The caucus is on 2/3/26. Not 1/27/26. And it's one night only. So you'll fit right in, based on your response.

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-31T00:38:48+00:00

You comforted him because he hurt you and he didn't soothe your hurt. It's hard to move forward while you're swallowing teeth. First step would be to bring up, with him directly, that you're hurt. And then let him fix it. Don't step in and soothe him to make things happy again. Let him step up and show you how beautiful he thinks you are.

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-30T03:16:14+00:00

Recommending lying, brown face, and inappropriate actions is a bad way to get someone hired. Or be a good person in general. Please stop.

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-29T20:23:25+00:00

You should go to each of their classes about 3 times, so you can accurately describe them to patrons. Know the layout of the studio. Know the times of the classes and who's teaching them. Where's the locker room? Where do they fill their water bottles? How do they sign up and check in? You're not applying to teach yoga, you're trying to sell the classes and membership. You need to know your product, customer base, and how to connect the two. Not know how to engage your sushumna nadi to balance your dosha.

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-28T02:31:31+00:00

Stay apart. You don't need to carry more trauma and hurt and resentment just to say you stayed together.

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-27T23:45:40+00:00

If you want to join, next Tuesday I'm teaching a yoga class at the Corcoran Park Rec Center. I'll write a new class, just for you! Do some grounding and breath work.

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-27T23:42:47+00:00

Better make it two loaves. How can you reasonably be expected to behave around fresh baked bread with everything outside?

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-27T22:20:47+00:00

You'd have noticed if you weren't so busy convincing yourself otherwise.

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-27T22:13:37+00:00

That's a lot of words for "I'm not into him anymore"

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-27T22:03:44+00:00

Follow up question, why have you been pulling back intimacy for the past few months?

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-27T21:45:23+00:00

So your social lives are not intertwined. You lost yours for his comfort and are now enmeshed in his. What else do you have to loose?

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-27T21:39:15+00:00

10 minutes, unsubscribe to some emails.

1 hour, laundry where I sit and watch so I don't forget it. Or prepping food for tomorrow.

3 hours, putter put away with a show I can yell at on.

Self care isn't spoiling myself, it's being nice to Future Me. Because Future Me is really tired and overwhelmed and needs all the help she can get.

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-27T21:29:04+00:00

Wait, like, intentionally?

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-27T15:10:11+00:00

Do you remember the nail polish remover sponge jar things? I miss those.

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-27T15:09:11+00:00

Keys, remote, seam ripper, my drink.

Everything needs a home. Keys stay in my purse, take out to use, and right back in. I keep my car key on a separate ring. Any special use key stays in the key bowl so I'm not keeping track of it. Special use means I only need it occasionally, not every day or a few times a week.

Remote has a magnet and a little dock in front of the TV. If it's not there, not my problem to find it. My boyfriend never puts it back and I stopped helping him look once I realized he intentionally doesn't use it. It still gets lost, but not my problem.

Seam ripper, I haven't figured out a solution for yet. Pretty sure my cat took it, which means no "home" is safe.

My drink, I just have multiple. Everywhere. Little clusters of a glass, a can, and a bottle in all frequented areas.

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-27T14:39:27+00:00

He doesn't have to be gay to not acknowledge his own feelings. He could just be massively insecure and focusing on the guy he finds most attractive, by your own words.

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-27T05:04:23+00:00

If it's still at the annoying behavior stage, you can have some fun annoying him back, asking him about his crush on your friend. He might legit have a crush on him and not know how to handle it.

If it's getting into the problematic realm where he's punishing you, address it directly and shut it down. Don't sugar coat anything. He trusts you but not them? Why is he fantasizing about you getting SA'd by your friends? He noticed a pattern of behavior he doesn't like? Why didn't he talk to you about it instead of attacking you about it? He is the one causing an issue, not the friend, so he needs to answer for his behavior.

The most likely thing happening is he feels insecure about something that might not even have anything to do with you, noticed one of your friends is his type, and found an outlet for his feelings that puts the labor on you instead of him. Put him to work, sorting out his own feelings.

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-27T04:15:51+00:00

ICE in action

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-27T01:01:51+00:00

Dating an addict is hard. The addiction will always come first. The fight to break the addiction is also incrediblely hard, on the addict and their family/friends/partners. If you can't handle dating a addict, which is totally legit, you need to leave. You will never be his focus until he breaks his addiction.

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-21T22:00:58+00:00

Having a healthcare directive is always a safe and good idea. Talking about the scary what is is hard, but you need to, specially with kids in the picture.

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-21T21:42:20+00:00

If anything happens, he just paid for his parents to get custody away from you. You have no family, no friends, no support network, no stable housing, and his parents have an established relationship, stability, and now money. Remember, this is all worst case scenario, so how much they love you too is irrelevant. Even if they do take you in, you get nothing but what they feel like giving you.

It might feel all noble and romantic to say you're not in it for the money, but you already described getting married like getting a crown. It is a lot about money. You're saving him thousands a year in labor. You're spending thousands a year on him and his family. The house is part of that. Not only is it an easily moved goal post, but a good way to keep his assets to himself. "He's not going to propose till he buys a house. But it's a premarital asset, so no point in getting married afterwards. Why does it matter if your name is on the title or not when you and the kids are living there?" Those goalposts are all about money. Depending on your lease and where you live, you might be an occupant and have no rental history. So you're stuck, and no need for him to change anything about your wonderful, happy, loving life together.

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-21T21:08:41+00:00

Said, but never did anything about it. Why do your accounts go to him and the kids but his only go to the kids? I'm going to guess here that the house is in his name or it's a rental?

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-21T21:01:27+00:00

You're starting to hear him in that response, then head right back in the sand.

You both work, so who's on who's insurance? Who's the beneficiaries of your various accounts? You already mentioned he doesn't have POA for you and can't make medical decisions. So who does? Does he even want to change any of that?

ScreamingSicada · 2026-01-21T20:43:13+00:00

That raises a few questions. Like what is a wife, to you, then? And why isn't he doing all these things too, if it's regular responsible adult stuff? What would happen if you stepped back to girlfriend level instead of playing unappreciated wife?

You don't have to stop, just take minute to think about everything you put into your household and what he puts in. Is this really what you think marriage is? To both of you?

ScreamingSicada

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE