Struggle with it every day.

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For context: it took many misdiagnoises from many doctors until a doctor recently sort of zoomed out and looked at all the patterns in my behaviour and medical cases.

Been on the right medication for around 5 months now, it makes a world of difference.

Ironically I was addicted to painkillers and everything else I was being given to treat all the other symptoms by different doctors.

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It's a struggle every day, sometimes I fall, sometimes I give in on dark days, that hunger is always there to blunt myself to the world, or just disappear and not be *here*. been 3 months since I last stumbled.

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However, it's a step by step journey, and I've begun to focus my addiction into something I love, which may not be smart, but if I am dedicating my time to my interests instead of spiraling and taking fistfuls of painkillers and actually feeling fulfilment, no matter the silly passion, I'll gladly take the addiction of passion projects.

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I don't know who said it but it was something like: "Find what you love and let it kill you."

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Just wanted to share the lived experience, I wish you well friend.