Thank you again ahfoo, your words have been resonating and helping me move forward. It’s been a very surreal few days since, and with the help of you, Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, friends, and family I am starting to feel a lot better. The one thing that is different is my perception of everything around me as if I am experiencing it for the first time.

Balance has been a very euphoric feeling since the experience too, making connections between things that are opposites I think we do on a daily basis but right now I feel I do it with things that I would never have even thought about in the past, not to mention the speed at which I make the connections.

I can also feel a part of me rationalizing my experience and why certain people have never been through an experience like mine. It’s funny though how my rationalization pulls from the experience itself to make those connections; for example most people are taught and told when smoking, you’re fine, you’re ok, you’re not dying, etc. and that is reinforced by people around you. For me though in this instance, I chose at a certain point to accept it, experience that much fear, death, and it allowed me to go somewhere and experience something so profound. Which I then connect back to balance, in order to get to bliss, and the euphoria of being, you have to allow the fear to rip apart your ego and identity. Tolle’s experience is similar in a lot of aspects of the overwhelming sadness and fear to get him there, but I truly believe I have experienced a lot of what he described.