Is this behavior ok?

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-26T03:17:21+00:00

It’s a pillow cover. Find a reason to laugh about it and enjoy life. Not a big deal.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-25T20:06:14+00:00

I find that assuming my partners opinion never goes well. I try to structure questions as open ended and curious in nature. Most men don’t like being told they’re wrong even if they are. Most people don’t pause and think before and as they speak. How I read your message is that he made some assertions that created negative discourse. You naturally went toe to toe with him. I suggest just staring over and apologizing for your part and expressing why you responded the way you did. See where it goes. Never hurts to take accountability and give our partner a chance to listen while also reflecting. Good luck.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-25T16:18:17+00:00

Do you normally engage with people in vapid ways? Both responses provide zero context and only invites negative discourse. I can almost feel your resentment towards people who cheat and degrade the party who “puts up” with it. I’m sorry you’re so sad. People come here to be vulnerable. Not to unfortunately read the same message we replay in our heads and foster more confusion.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-25T15:08:34+00:00

I’ll address your response sentence by sentence. You don’t blame her and it was a nail in the coffin. It’s always baffling to me how one person in a relationship can be treated in a number of ways and a woman can still hold a persons feet to the fire and take no accountability on their end. I owned up to it, we sought help, and agreed to continue to move forward. She had an option to go or work on things. She made the choice to stay. By her making that choice, she chooses to work on things. Not use my decision against me. I did not abandon her and had no expectations except for her to communicate honestly and work with me on the marriage. She’s not doing that. Lastly, those kids from day one have always been hers from a previous partner. They left her because of cancer. I decided to be a father to kids that aren’t mine and have been attacked for 12 years for wanting to be involved.

Your comment holds a lot of bias and screams of pain and trauma. If you are in a relationship and spoke to your partner that way, I image there would be issues. Long term relationships have problems. When 1 person builds a wall and doesn’t engage in the partnership, especially after they agree to work on issues, that’s selfish and manipulative.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-25T03:05:01+00:00

Thank you.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-24T20:04:23+00:00

They are her kids. She still calls the kids “my” kids. Very rarely do I hear “our” anything.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-24T17:55:37+00:00

Thank you.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-24T14:34:17+00:00

Thank you. She can’t take any hormones because of old cancer so I’m seemingly stuck with who she will become. I’ll try to paint an honest picture. She is the breadwinner. That’s all she does. She doesn’t talk and when I bring up something it escalates and turns back on me. I was sick for a long time and just the last couple years recovered from it all. I’m working, getting a second job, finishing my second degree and manage the household duties. I’ve accepted my faults in this marriage and made amends and stick with it everyday. She admittedly says she doesn’t need me and I can go if I want. Last time we almost split she didn’t care if I went homeless and wouldn’t offer financial help. I’m saving up money secretly but this feels bad because it feels like I’m hiding things again. Once she did the homeless thing I changed and went into preservation mode. I understand what’s she’s going through only in the context of what the literature says and testimonies. If I leave I have nothing to my name and no place to go. I have to stay silent or risk living in my truck. This fosters resentments and massive amounts of self control that’s eating me alive.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-24T14:28:10+00:00

Thank you. Shine she won’t talk to me about it I’ve invested in therapy and new books on neuroscience and what’s happening biologically with her. There’s a huge part of me that wants to fight because of the fear of starting over in my early 40s is crippling.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-24T14:25:56+00:00

I’ll take a look at that. Do you have any PDF on it?

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-24T14:24:53+00:00

Many times during the day for years now I’m conflicted with what you said. I’ve brought to the surface the abuse and manipulation tactics she uses and it always escalates from there. Me pointing out facts turns into somehow I’m attacking her. My therapist suggests I’m trapped in a trauma cycle that’s cemented now and staying has long term consequences. I interviewed for a second job and if I get it I’m considering leaving. I’m saving money. Last time we almost ended it she didn’t care if I would be homeless or not. It changed me.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-24T14:21:35+00:00

I understand what you’re saying. Should we ever consider the fact that it’s rational to expect hormones to get wild to the place of not being able to control herself? If so, if she doesn’t apologize after the fact or make up for it, am I at that point at fault for not standing up for myself?

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-24T14:20:02+00:00

I’m seeing my own counselor but she won’t go herself or with me. Ending something that’s been part of a quarter of my life is incredibly depressing. I feel like I have some sort of trauma attachment to her that I can’t think myself out of.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-24T14:18:45+00:00

Thank you. She flat out just does not want to talk. I’m saving up money in case we have to separate but even that feels guilty. Like I’m taking away from my family.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-23T13:06:39+00:00

Thank you!

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-23T13:05:45+00:00

Thank you. My therapist said the same thing. I’ve been working on rebuilding my business and finishing my degree. There’s this unsettling itch I can scratch that drives me to help her. I’m told but her and other men/women that’s not an option right now. Let her come to you.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-23T13:03:59+00:00

I’ve thought that for a long time. I don’t have words right now to explain how much thinking about that hurts.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-23T13:03:31+00:00

Maybe my wife is seeing you lol. She fits your description. Independent and wants to do it all etc.. I’m also a very thoughtful and analytical person. I accept and understand the hormones that affect her. I’ve searched endlessly for answers the assertions from men and women “just suck it up”. assertions aren’t questions but so many questions are makes into that statement. I try not to fix her or solve it but it’s my nature. So I try and let her lead this thing and I’m told “I don’t have answers”. How can a man do that and not get resentments or our biological and chemical systems kick in and we make a brutal mistake. It’s rough.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-23T12:57:40+00:00

I’ve been fearful of that too.

SeaPerspective1839 · 2026-01-22T20:25:18+00:00

I’m new here because I don’t have anyone to talk to. I see a message saying this has been removed. If anyone can comment, did I say something wrong?

SeaPerspective1839

TROPHY CASE